Would you admit you have a child on the first date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here.

It's a kid, not an STD. Mention it casually during the first date. Don't make it sound like you're ashamed. "Is having kids a dealbreaker" sounds like you've been rejected a lot in the past and are ashamed. "My kids are my world, so you need to know that upfront" is also a bit overdone and sounds like there's no room for the new person. But "I passed by XYZ the other day on the way to pick up my daughter" is the Goldilocks option.

For what it's worth, most guys assume a woman over a certain age has kids. The whole point of the first date is to find out what each person has to offer the potential relationship. If he's not interested, best to find out in the beginning.

Good luck.

It's actually more alarming if she's over 30 and does NOT have kids, because then you know she's desperate to get knocked up before her ovaries expire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going on a date on Friday, but I he doesn't know that I have a child. Should I make that known on the first date or wait to see how things go first?

He should have known before the 1st date.

Again, it's only because I want him to give me a chance.

But you and your child are a package deal - he can't have one without the other. And if you're not upfront with him and he becomes invested in the way you're hoping, he may feel manipulated or deceived when you tell him the truth.

I would at least like to get through one date to see how things go. If a second date is possible, I will tell him. I meet guys, but they're immediately turned off when I tell them I have a child. They won't even bother to give me a chance.

THEN YOU DON'T WANT THEM. READ WHAT YOU WROTE.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

Kids are the heaviest baggage one can have.

Nope. They are wonderful.

You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you.

You sound like you have some kind of anger issue and should seek professional help. It's not like someone insulted YOUR child. People are entitled to different opinions. Chill the eff out.

[ddintysons]

Nope. They are wonderful.

You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you.

You sound like you have some kind of anger issue and should seek professional help. It's not like someone insulted YOUR child. People are entitled to different opinions. Chill the eff out.

Are you a mental health professional? Most likely, no. When suggesting someone seek professional help, you are implying an expertise that you do not have. It makes you sound condescending and it is stupid thing to do. At the end of your post, you tell me to "chill the eff out." Consider what you said since you might want to focus on your own anger issues before offering any suggestions.

I work as an advocate for children's services and have found that applying terms like "baggage" to children can act as a buffer to treating them as humans. That is a professional opinion based on years of study and experience.

Nobody insulted my children. However, if the term is offensive it does not matter if it is applied to my children or to someone else's children.

However, other people may have a different opinion regarding the word and feel that the term is not harmful to use. Okay. As you noted, people are entitled to different opinions.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

Nope. They are wonderful.

You, are the other hand, do not deserve to have kids anywhere near you.

You sound like you have some kind of anger issue and should seek professional help. It's not like someone insulted YOUR child. People are entitled to different opinions. Chill the eff out.

Are you a mental health professional? Most likely, no. When suggesting someone seek professional help, you are implying an expertise that you do not have. It makes you sound condescending and it is stupid thing to do. At the end of your post, you tell me to "chill the eff out." Consider what you said since you might want to focus on your own anger issues before offering any suggestions.

I work as an advocate for children's services and have found that applying terms like "baggage" to children can act as a buffer to treating them as humans. That is a professional opinion based on years of study and experience.

Nobody insulted my children. However, if the term is offensive it does not matter if it is applied to my children or to someone else's children.

However, other people may have a different opinion regarding the word and feel that the term is not harmful to use. Okay. As you noted, people are entitled to different opinions.

lol, yeah, because YOUR tone isn't condescending at all.

[ddintysons]

Yes, the tone of my first paragraph is condescending. I agree.

The rest of the post is not, or was not meant to be.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:Yes, the tone of my first paragraph is condescending. I agree.

The rest of the post is not, or was not meant to be.

You continue to add NOTHING to this thread with your irrelevant huffing and puffing about the term "baggage".

[ddintysons]

What have you added?

BTW - People "huff" and "puff" when they breathe. Not when they write.

Let's see what word you put in ALL CAPS this time.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel like reading 9 pages but why not just drop it into converation casually?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would never so much as think of hiding my kids. I've been divorced for 12 years and never had any shortage of dates and never knew about any men that might have turned me down for having kids because I was always upfront about it.Work on your mental health before you put yourself back out there, or give up your child if you consider he/she such a "hindrance" I feel sorry for your child.

[Anonymous]

I keep reading the title as

" Would you have a kid on your first date?"

And being really really confused.

[Anonymous]

OP - can you give us an update? How was the date? Did he run away screaming the moment you mentioned you had a child?

[Anonymous]

For various reasons, I would neither hide it nor advertise it. I knew someone (fellow student in grad school) who was all excited when he found out the woman had a six year old daughter. He is probably out of jail now...it has been 25 years...but...

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:What have you added?

BTW - People "huff" and "puff" when they breathe. Not when they write.

Let's see what word you put in ALL CAPS this time.

Wow, you don't know when to quit, do you? Why don't you go tend to/advocate for your own baggage?

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for you OP, in a genuine way. I hope your date goes great. At this point I would wait until the first date and bring it up casually like other have said. Good luck, but next time I would find a way to bring up my child.
"How was your weekend?"
"It was great my daughter and I did x"