Would you admit you have a child on the first date?

[Anonymous]

I though that the OP must have been early 20's based on the original post. A 37 year old divorced woman is almost expected to have at least one kid. The fact she'd think about hiding that is bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I can find it, but I read an article that basically discussed if parents of a kid(s) broke up because of divorce, the parents went out and tried to find mates right away, but if the reason that the parents found themselves single was death (widow or widowhood), the need to date was very much more limited. It's as if you feel rejected by a mate, you need to prove you are desirable - so even if you have a kid from the mating to protect, you spend a lot of time trying to find a new mate ... , but if your first mate dies in a car wreck or of cancer or such ... and leaves you with a kid to protect ... well in that case, you hunker down and protect the kid and don't worry so much about whether you have personal fulfillment with your new mate. I don't know your story, but might I suggest that you try to model your life on the latter while you have your child.... if you find a great guy in the mean time, who loves your child as much as you, so much the better. But you won't need to worry about whether and when to talk about your kid.

Interesting. Makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I guess I have the opposite problem because I talk a lot about my kid on first dates. I can't help it. My kid is my life. I would think it was bizarre to make it to a second date without ever hearing that my date had a child or children.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine not mentioning my child BEFORE the first date.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if a guy has a problem with me having a child then I don't want anything to do with him. My child is the most important part of my life bar none.

[Anonymous]

Them's are the breaks, OP. I'm a divorced young mother - early thirties - with not one, but two, children (I was pregnant with my second when I found out my husband had cheated).

TBH I don't understand your angst. We all have a desire for companionship, but is there anything else you would conceal about yourself just to go to dinner with someone? Any healthy and potentially lasting relationship you'll have will be with a person who embraces everything you bring to the table.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with a lot of these comments. Here is the scenario:

- I meet a woman who works in the same building
- we talk a couple of times on line for a coffee, casually talk
- ask her for lunch or dinner, first date, she says sure

I do not expect her to divulge her life status (single, divorced, have a child) at that stage. When we are on the date and learning about each other, that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*sigh* well I'm sure he'll text me tomorrow so I'll let him know I have a child. That will be the end of the date before it starts.

At this point, I would just wait until you're on the sate and casually mention something about your child. Making an announcement about it via text message seems strange. However. I think your whole attitude is off. Your child is part of your package, just like your height, weight, and eye color. Yiu can't change any of it, and it's only your perspective that thinks of it as a liability and not an asset. I you think this guy won't date you because you have a child, why even go on a date? It's a waste of time.

I'm 36 yo woman with a 9 year old son and in an amazing 2 year relationship with a man I met online. He knew I had a child before our first date. It wasn't a deal breaker. For the right guy, your child won't be a deal breaker. If this guy isn't interested, he's not the right one for you.

You're letting a man (and trolls on this board) influence your self esteem. You are a catch wuth or without a child. Start acting like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*sigh* well I'm sure he'll text me tomorrow so I'll let him know I have a child. That will be the end of the date before it starts.

At this point, I would just wait until you're on the sate and casually mention something about your child. Making an announcement about it via text message seems strange. However. I think your whole attitude is off. Your child is part of your package, just like your height, weight, and eye color. Yiu can't change any of it, and it's only your perspective that thinks of it as a liability and not an asset. I you think this guy won't date you because you have a child, why even go on a date? It's a waste of time.

I'm 36 yo woman with a 9 year old son and in an amazing 2 year relationship with a man I met online. He knew I had a child before our first date. It wasn't a deal breaker. For the right guy, your child won't be a deal breaker. If this guy isn't interested, he's not the right one for you.

You're letting a man (and trolls on this board) influence your self esteem. You are a catch wuth or without a child. Start acting like one.

PP here - sorry for all the typos...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with a lot of these comments. Here is the scenario:

- I meet a woman who works in the same building
- we talk a couple of times on line for a coffee, casually talk
- ask her for lunch or dinner, first date, she says sure

I do not expect her to divulge her life status (single, divorced, have a child) at that stage. When we are on the date and learning about each other, that is a different story.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*sigh* well I'm sure he'll text me tomorrow so I'll let him know I have a child. That will be the end of the date before it starts.

At this point, I would just wait until you're on the sate and casually mention something about your child. Making an announcement about it via text message seems strange. However. I think your whole attitude is off. Your child is part of your package, just like your height, weight, and eye color. Yiu can't change any of it, and it's only your perspective that thinks of it as a liability and not an asset. I you think this guy won't date you because you have a child, why even go on a date? It's a waste of time.

I'm 36 yo woman with a 9 year old son and in an amazing 2 year relationship with a man I met online. He knew I had a child before our first date. It wasn't a deal breaker. For the right guy, your child won't be a deal breaker. If this guy isn't interested, he's not the right one for you.

You're letting a man (and trolls on this board) influence your self esteem. You are a catch wuth or without a child. Start acting like one.

If we met online, I would've made it known that I have a child, but we met at work. Passed by him a few times and maybe said hello a few times before having a conversation. I didnt think he would ask me out, so I never really gave him that much information about me.

[Anonymous]

If it's a one night stand, no.

A potential relationship yes. You are a package deal, and hopefully you wouldn't want it any other way.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of two in my forties and haven't had many men not pursue a relationship because of my kids. There are good guys out there, give them a chance.

[Anonymous]

you should mention "BEFORE" first date, right? i mean, really...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with a lot of these comments. Here is the scenario:

- I meet a woman who works in the same building
- we talk a couple of times on line for a coffee, casually talk
- ask her for lunch or dinner, first date, she says sure

I do not expect her to divulge her life status (single, divorced, have a child) at that stage. When we are on the date and learning about each other, that is a different story.

If a date just happens naturally, in real life, fine. But for any sort of online dating, you should disclose your kids in your profile.