Would you admit you have a child on the first date?

[ddintysons]

When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids.

Wow. Do really consider another person's kids baggage?

Do you have kids now? Are they baggage?

[Anonymous]

sleep with him, tell him you're pregnant, then watch his reaction. If it's a positive one - tell him about your kid. If it's a negative one - keep the kid a secret for another month or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Admit"???? As in, confess to a crime?

I would absolutely tell him the first time I meet him. We come as a package deal, and I'm proud of my kids.

Oh dear, rereading that, it sounds horrible! I love my child more than anything, I just want this guy to get to know me for me first. Does that make sense?

I don't really get it - if you having a kid would be a deal-breaker, why is it better for him to find out later rather than sooner?

I agree with whoever said drop it in to conversation but don't make a big deal out of it.

Me, I can't imagine being in the dating world and not talking about my kids. And I would take it as a red flag if I ever met a guy who had kids and didn't mention it quickly, at least by 2nd date (although I'd probably ask on 1st date, because it's very relevant to the bigger picture).

She thinks that if he "gets to know her for her first" he will be so besotted that, if he had previously not wanted to date a woman with a child, he'll change his mind.

OP, it is so massively unfair to put him in the awkward position of being in the middle of a great date, then, upon being told that his date actually has one of the qualities that are a hard no for him, having to put up with the awkwardness of sitting with this person he's been flirting with all night and having to either a. be the "bad guy" and tell her why the air has changed, or b. try to end the date and then then email/tell her over the phone. It is emotional blackmail, and it is a pathetic woman's trick. And I say this as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Admit"???? As in, confess to a crime?

I would absolutely tell him the first time I meet him. We come as a package deal, and I'm proud of my kids.

Oh dear, rereading that, it sounds horrible! I love my child more than anything, I just want this guy to get to know me for me first. Does that make sense?

I don't really get it - if you having a kid would be a deal-breaker, why is it better for him to find out later rather than sooner?

I agree with whoever said drop it in to conversation but don't make a big deal out of it.

Me, I can't imagine being in the dating world and not talking about my kids. And I would take it as a red flag if I ever met a guy who had kids and didn't mention it quickly, at least by 2nd date (although I'd probably ask on 1st date, because it's very relevant to the bigger picture).

She thinks that if he "gets to know her for her first" he will be so besotted that, if he had previously not wanted to date a woman with a child, he'll change his mind.

OP, it is so massively unfair to put him in the awkward position of being in the middle of a great date, then, upon being told that his date actually has one of the qualities that are a hard no for him, having to put up with the awkwardness of sitting with this person he's been flirting with all night and having to either a. be the "bad guy" and tell her why the air has changed, or b. try to end the date and then then email/tell her over the phone. It is emotional blackmail, and it is a pathetic woman's trick. And I say this as a woman.

And, continuing my previous post, you say you are withholding this information so he gives you a "fair chance", but it isn't fair to him at all. By "fair chance", you mean "more than fair, for me."

I remember when a woman did this to my brother. He said she told him off in front of an entire restaurant when, after her big reveal, he told her truthfully that he wasn't interested in a woman with a child. She raised her voice loudly enough that the whole room could hear her, and told him off. And then another woman in the restaurant also told him off.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman with a kid, and I think you need to mention your kid on a first date. Although I genuinely love my son, I've realized that having kids probably wasn't the right choice for me. I am completely, 100 percent dedicated to raising my son to have a great life and doing everything I can for him, but I would absolutely not date a guy with a kid, because I don't want more kids. I am totally sure of that, no matter how great the guy was, or how great his kid is. Conversely, if someone is unwilling to date a woman with a kid, that's fine. I'd rather know before we went on a date (which is why I say a have a kid on my online dating profile) so that I don't waste my time, but if a person I met in real life asks me out, I tell them on the first date, if there is no socially appropriate way to tell them before.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids.

Wow. Do really consider another person's kids baggage?

Do you have kids now? Are they baggage?

Yes. Other people's kids are definitely baggage. If you wind up seriously dating or marrying that person, you will have to carry that baggage financially and emotionally, no doubt about it. It is perfectly understandable for a single person with no kids to exclude dating/marrying someone who already has a kid.

[Anonymous]

If you're doing an online date, then not on the first date. First date is for screening psychos. But if this is someone you actually know in person, how have you not talked to them enough prior to going on a "date" that he doesn't know? You're not ready to go on a date with him.

[Anonymous]

How do you know he doesn't have a child?

You say you're 37 and have been divorced 5 years - you kid is between 5-15, I'm guessing? That's good. I could see someone being afraid of a baby or toddler. Do you look very young - as in he wants another child and finds this attractive? How old is he (or how old does he seem)?

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids.

Wow. Do really consider another person's kids baggage?

Do you have kids now? Are they baggage?

Kids are the heaviest baggage one can have.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

When I was single, I made it a point to never go out with anyone who was divorced with children(ren). I am a woman snd I did not want the baggage of an ex-wife and kids.

Wow. Do really consider another person's kids baggage?

Do you have kids now? Are they baggage?

Not PP, but you say this in a way that makes me think you're trying to make the PP feel like a huge a-hole. Considering kids as baggage is a completely valid and reasonable opinion. Aside from the care and consideration you have to take to plan around the actual children and provide for them, there's a likelihood of dealing with some kind of ex drama. That other person is always going to be in your life. It'll never just be your little family. Maybe they're the jealous type and they will make it difficult for you to be in the children's lives or to be a stepparent. Maybe they still have feelings. Maybe the in laws are going to constantly be comparing you two. It's completely fine to NOT want to risk dealing with all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know he doesn't have a child?

You say you're 37 and have been divorced 5 years - you kid is between 5-15, I'm guessing? That's good. I could see someone being afraid of a baby or toddler. Do you look very young - as in he wants another child and finds this attractive? How old is he (or how old does he seem)?

My daughter is 10. I don't think I look that young, he's 41.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know he doesn't have a child?

You say you're 37 and have been divorced 5 years - you kid is between 5-15, I'm guessing? That's good. I could see someone being afraid of a baby or toddler. Do you look very young - as in he wants another child and finds this attractive? How old is he (or how old does he seem)?

I could see someone not wanting to deal with a pain-in-the-ass hormonal temperamental teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know he doesn't have a child?

You say you're 37 and have been divorced 5 years - you kid is between 5-15, I'm guessing? That's good. I could see someone being afraid of a baby or toddler. Do you look very young - as in he wants another child and finds this attractive? How old is he (or how old does he seem)?

My daughter is 10. I don't think I look that young, he's 41.

And you're sure that he doesn't have a child? At 41, it's likely a man has either been divorced or has a child, too.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

Because it is a HUGE dynamic changer when someone has a child.

Let him know on the first date & see how he reacts.

Some men do not want or even like children so if he is one of them it is best to know this upfront before any emotions come into play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MY generl view is that you should tell them by the second date. I don't always tell them on the first date because I use the first date to vet a person. I don't tell everybody, everything.

You can save your bad mom comments and your kid should be a priority !!! I know what I m as a mother and my relationship with my child so you judgemental betties can fall back.

OP, I recommend you ignore them too, there is good advice to be hand here from time to time, but many posters take joy in picking apart the slightest details, and twist phrases so they can feel superior.


Other than that, keep your chin up, there is someone out there for you. I know how hard it can be getting back into dating, it's easy to believe the lie that you aren't good enough.
'You are good enough, and any guy worth having will see that.

[b]



Ummmm if you use the first date to vet people why don't YOU give them the same chance to vet you?? Kids are a deal breaker to some people.

They can ask. If they ask I don't lie. Sometimes I mention it on the first sometimes I don't, but never later than the second. 2 dates for most people isn't a big deal.