Message
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's a phase. Power throguh and be nice. Do consequences. Major tantrum means you don't get to go to a fun place. Which sucks for everyone.
Sucks the worst for the 2-yo who cannot understand “consequences” like this. Read about sequential brain development. Quit setting yourself up for frustration. Just pick up the toddler and go. Sing a song if it helps. Your adult brain can do this. A 2-yo brain cannot.
My just turned 2-yo can definitely understand "consequences," and has for a very long time. I'm guessing the other people promoting this have kids who can similarly understand. It's a good point to bring up----many kids can't, and therefore it may be inappropriate for OP. No need to shame the rest of us, though. Not all kids development the same and we're all just trying to be helpful based on our own experiences.
Yes, your special snowflake is years beyond every one else developmentally. ALL of the specialists (psychology, neurology, etc) are wrong.
"The prefrontal cortex is the last section of the brain to fully develop and is responsible for behaviour control and critical thinking. Before age 6, children are pre-operational in their thinking, which means they do not have the ability to think out plans and imagine consequences of those decisions. They do not have all the information in order to make the right decision. When they reach school-aged, from ages 6–13, they get better at understanding consequences and can make decisions. However, they do not have abstract thinking skills yet. School-aged children are still operational in their thinking which means they understand what is tangible and what is in their immediate environment – things they can readily see, hear, touch, smell and taste. They can’t think conceptually until the teen years, so they don’t understand the “gray” areas of decisions, or theory or ideology. Consequences demand that the chooser understands all aspects of the decision in order to make an informed choice.
Children are able to begin understanding consequences around age 6 and are much better at it around age 13. Parents and caregivers need to adjust their expectations accordingly. And consequences should never be given to punish children for their decisions. They need an adult/caregivers help to problem solve a solution instead of “pay” for their behaviour with a “consequence.”"
He definitely understands. I have a hard time believing that I'm the only one who can attest to their kid responding appropriately to if/then consequences.
People claimed that kids don't understand empathy until around age two, but it turns out that the average kid (not just my special snowflake) may start around 6 months. So, yeah, the experts all can be wrong, and I think a lot of parents (esp those with multiples close in age) would have been able to say it starts earlier than 2 without having seen the research.
I don't mean this in a negative way, but I consider 2 year olds to be similar to puppies. You can train certain behavior by immediate "consequences", but that doesn't mean they have the ability to control themselves.
Example, when my DS was 2, he learned that throwing his food resulted in meal time being over. He didn't learn it by me telling him "stop throwing food!" over and over. He learned because I would immediately remove his food and the meal was over.
So in that sense he "understood" a consequence, but a short-term immediate consequence.
He's 3 now, and he knows that if he leaves his room during quiet time, he can't watch video that day. That makes me feel like he "understands" that because he definitely learned not to do it.
We met some friends during a series of birthing classes we took. We were all due within a week of each other and we kept up for a long time after the kids were born. I would assume it's different now with COVID but it might be a place to connect with a few people prior to giving birth.
My first was with the GW midwives and I had a great experience. My second started out with the midwives, but I had to transition to the GW OBs because of a complication that was likely going to result in a C-section.
I really liked the OB practice, and I remember one of them saying that due to their close work of the midwives, the philosophies sorta "rubbed off" on the OBs. She said it better, but it made sense.
I really liked the OB practice, and I remember one of them saying that due to their close work of the midwives, the philosophies sorta "rubbed off" on the OBs. She said it better, but it made sense.
OP I really loved Janet Lansbury's book "No Bad Kids" for this age.
What you're describing is normal behavior for that age group. And it does pass.
What you're describing is normal behavior for that age group. And it does pass.
I tend to run warm and my husband is the opposite. There are times when I leave the house in jeans and a long-sleeve and he's wearing a shirt and a hoodie with a thin coat. A normal person would be somewhere in between.
OP I feel like I'm missing some information here. Do you have a partner who is supporting you?
Either way, hang in there. People have a way of getting "stuck in a moment" where you can't imagine feeling any other way than you feel right now. But things will change. You just won't feel like this forever, even if you can't see it right now.
Is your therapist helping you at all? If not, maybe look for a new one. You sound pretty depressed from here.
Either way, hang in there. People have a way of getting "stuck in a moment" where you can't imagine feeling any other way than you feel right now. But things will change. You just won't feel like this forever, even if you can't see it right now.
Is your therapist helping you at all? If not, maybe look for a new one. You sound pretty depressed from here.
Anonymous wrote:I am a good friend to others, I just have a hard time breaking into the friendship. At my kids stuff I don’t talk to other families and it’s because I’m shy and I think that comes off as unapproachable which I hate. How do you all make an effort to talk to others without coming across as a busybody? I stay in my lane. I am the type of friend who would give you the shirt off my back, hate gossips, don’t keep score, etc just find it incredibly difficult since we moved here 3 years ago to meet people. Husband is always gone for work. It’s incredibly lonely since I only have my long distance friends to visit.
I'm like this too. I've just lived here long enough that I've slowly, slowly developed a few very close friendships over time. It takes a lot of repeat interactions for me.
Following. My all-clad non-stick seems to have bit the dust and I need to replace it. Not wanting to go down that route again since it didn't last that long for such an expensive brand.
Anonymous wrote:OP here, we are settled in on the covid isolation floor at Children’s. We have to stay in our room till his (now 3rd) covid year comes back negative. They have to retest everyone that comes in with a possible covid related diagnosis. While they still don’t know what’s going on they are considering MIS-C, and they have a whole team of doctors here specifically for that one illness. Also looking at auto immune stuff. Also I actually have a flat bed/couch here so I’m happy lol. Will keep you posted!
I'm sorry you are still waiting for answers OP, but glad to hear you're at Children's now. Hope you get some good news soon, and some rest.
Anonymous wrote:I’m curious for the non yell era do you all have toddlers? Like my 2.5 goes down the stairs without holding the rail alone, runs to touch weird mushrooms, refuses to do anything I say, climbs ridiculous things when hiking, puts hands and feet in mud with disgusting things, he can hear he’s just stubborn, do you have this kid? Because saying adult voice over and over and over again gets nothing unless I get physical and pick him up. You must have angel kids that I see on Instagram that sit there quietly and listen to everything you say.
I think the key is intervening physically after the first time you say something. So, you say "please stay out of the mud" and then he heads straight for it, and you have to swoop in and pick him up and say "I don't want you in the mud because XYZ". Then you physically prevent him from doing it.
It sucks because you have to be close by, but expecting a kid that age to follow directions is a bit of a fool's errand. This is why I find this age so exhausting.
How is your son doing OP? And how are you holding up?
Both are great choices OP!
OP I think in this case you need to be direct, even if the answer is one that your siblings won't like.
"I have no plans to come back at this time."
But, are you sure that you're not putting an undue burden on them by doing this? If you are, consider other ways you can help (maybe by putting $ towards some part-time in-home care if you can).
"I have no plans to come back at this time."
But, are you sure that you're not putting an undue burden on them by doing this? If you are, consider other ways you can help (maybe by putting $ towards some part-time in-home care if you can).
You don't have you like your in-laws, but you do have to tolerate them unless they are awful humans. From your post, they seem weird / annoying rather than awful.
It's a complete overreaction to cut them out of your life over this.
Instead, if you don't like how they're talking, just get up and leave the room. That is a much more appropriate response.
It's a complete overreaction to cut them out of your life over this.
Instead, if you don't like how they're talking, just get up and leave the room. That is a much more appropriate response.
Anonymous wrote:Get a good carrier and get your baby used to it as soon as they are safe to go in it. It really frees up your hands and allows you to take care of the older.
The good news is that your older child at 4 will be able to play independently and likely will be more willing to wait for you.
Do try to carve out solo time with just your oldest and aim to keep your older child on as similar of a schedule as they have now.
Best of luck!
+1 to all this, especially the carrier. That saved me when DS2 came.