How often do you yell at your kids?

[Anonymous]

I yelled at my 3 year old today and feel terrible about it. In hindsight it’s not a big deal- what she was doing just drives me crazy but isn’t dangerous so probably not worth the reaction. I yelled her name when I saw it and it scared her and she cried. So now I feel like a terrible monster parent. I know she won’t remember it and tomorrow will be better but I’m wondering...How often does that happen in your house?

[Anonymous]

How often do I yell my kid’s name to keep him from doing something stupid or dangerous, or because I’ve asked him to stop doing something stupid or dangerous and he doesn’t listen? Just about every day. It startled him out of what he’s doing. I don’t scream or say mean things, but sometimes a short, loud burst of his name is what he needs. It really only started when he turned 5, though.

[Anonymous]

I should also add that you should not feel terrible or awful about yelling your kids name. I would have a different response is you were yelling unkind things/insulting your kid or lashing out physically.

[Anonymous]

Never now. But I used to when they were younger and I wasn't on Lexapro and I was married to a man-child.

Our house is so peaceful now. I love it.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never yelled at my kid but I have said her name very sharply on occasion when she’s doing something that could get her or someone else hurt. I always feel bad because she’s so upset by it, so we have to talk about it afterwards so I can explain that I raised my voice because I was worried, not mad.

I do have a tone — not a raised voice at all but something conveys I am really and truly done — that she is very... receptive to. We had an insanely long day today and she didn’t nap so by bedtime she was working my last nerve and I deployed “the tone” and she stopped whining immediately and listened to everything else I said. It’s almost freaky how well it works. We are so gentle with her I’m almost surprised she understands it, but it’s like she knows she’s at the end of her rope and she’s not going to get another inch. I’ve used it maybe 5 times? She’s three.

[Anonymous]

I am a loud person living in a loud house with a loud family, so reasonably often.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never yelled. I’ve spoken sharply but I’m just not a yeller - never have been.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with apologizing to your child. Tell her you were upset and you are sorry and you were wrong. It’s a new day and you will try to do better.

Signed, Mom who has yelled plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a loud person living in a loud house with a loud family, so reasonably often.

Same here. Multiple times a day.

(but never mean things. Usually just their name, or "stop it" or something like that. And only after I have said their name or told them to stop at a normal voice level multiple times.)

[Anonymous]

Never. I find whispering to be far more effective. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing wrong with apologizing to your child. Tell her you were upset and you are sorry and you were wrong. It’s a new day and you will try to do better.

Signed, Mom who has yelled plenty.

Yes to this. I’m less likely to yell than I am to go silent-mad, but either way I always sit down with my kid later and talk through what happened, apologize if I need to, and let her know that being frustrated with someone you love doesn’t negate the love.

Lately we also talk a lot in our house about how everyone (read: mommy) needs alone time because the 24/7 togetherness, compounded by having a child who is extremely attached to me at the moment, has really been fraying Mommy’s nerves.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. Parenting is tough stuff.

I feel like sometimes she ignores me asking her something until I yell. And then I feel like I’m yelling all day. It’s a cycle.

I apologized to her for yelling and we talked about why I did, and how I could have handled it better. She and I always talk through big emotions (hers or mine!) and I think it helps so much

[Anonymous]

Never, because I am an adult and can control myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. Parenting is tough stuff.

I feel like sometimes she ignores me asking her something until I yell. And then I feel like I’m yelling all day. It’s a cycle.

I apologized to her for yelling and we talked about why I did, and how I could have handled it better. She and I always talk through big emotions (hers or mine!) and I think it helps so much

Sounds like you’re doing great, mama. While I don’t love when I lose my cool with my kids, I do think they get so much out of those conversations where we talk about what went wrong and how we can do better in the future. When I think about adults I admire, that’s a quality they have — to take responsibility for their behavior and look for ways to improve. What a wonderful practice to pass onto your kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t yell unless I see them doing something dangerous. But I will speak LOUDLY!