Trouble with my in-laws

[Anonymous]

I want to hear your opinions on this topic to see if I’m crazy or expecting too much or what. My in-laws regularly bring up explicit details or stories. They are not always private about what I would consider the private part of their relationship. In addition, they (mostly my MIL) make explicit jokes and have even once directly referred to my husband’s male body part. I have told them gently and not so gently that this makes me uncomfortable, and I would be grateful if they would refrain from this kind of talk in front of me. They have responded with, “we are who we are, we will not change for you.” They once said that this is how adults talk and to get over it.

At this moment, I am not speaking to them. Thankfully, they live in Florida. Life is blissful when I’m not in touch with them. Should I continue to live my life without them? They will hopefully be grandparents one day, and I’d hate to deny them that experience. But they make my skin crawl! What should I do?

[jsmith123]

You don't have you like your in-laws, but you do have to tolerate them unless they are awful humans. From your post, they seem weird / annoying rather than awful.

It's a complete overreaction to cut them out of your life over this.

Instead, if you don't like how they're talking, just get up and leave the room. That is a much more appropriate response.

[Anonymous]

1. I don't believe the OP post is genuine.
2. If there was a rats chance in hell that it was genuine you know the answer - have nothing to do with these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I don't believe the OP post is genuine.
2. If there was a rats chance in hell that it was genuine you know the answer - have nothing to do with these people.

I’m the OP. Unfortunately, it’s genuine. Thank you for your honesty. I have never in my life had an issue quite like this, and I’ve tried to ignore them. But sometimes their comments are completely out of line or TMI.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband feel about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel about it?

Their comments upset him too, but he’s explained that since he grew up with them, he doesn’t notice it as much as I do. He supports me one hundred percent and has advocated for me. There was one time a couple months ago that he immediately said something about an inappropriate joke they sent us in our group text. At first they didn’t get why it was so offensive, and then his dad chimed in saying, oh, probably because the name in the joke is (insert my name). My husband immediately explained that while that hadn’t helped, the entire joke was very offensive and way too much.

They have told me I’m “too pure bred” for them and have too many rules (this and not going through our drawers and closets without asking when they visit have been the two things I’ve asked them not to do).

I honestly have tried. It makes me mad, sad, and plain bewildered that our issues of not getting along are of this nature.

[Anonymous]

Get on the same page with your DH and figure out a plan to deal with them. This will only get worse once you have kids.

[Anonymous]

when I’m not in touch with them

You don't need ot be in touch with them. Your husband does. His problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get on the same page with your DH and figure out a plan to deal with them. This will only get worse once you have kids.

Thank you. I also have an appointment with a therapist. Fingers crossed we can figure this out.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I want to hear your opinions on this topic to see if I’m crazy or expecting too much or what. My in-laws regularly bring up explicit details or stories. They are not always private about what I would consider the private part of their relationship. In addition, they (mostly my MIL) make explicit jokes and have even once directly referred to my husband’s male body part. I have told them gently and not so gently that this makes me uncomfortable, and I would be grateful if they would refrain from this kind of talk in front of me. They have responded with, “we are who we are, we will not change for you.” They once said that this is how adults talk and to get over it.

At this moment, I am not speaking to them. Thankfully, they live in Florida. Life is blissful when I’m not in touch with them. Should I continue to live my life without them? They will hopefully be grandparents one day, and I’d hate to deny them that experience. But they make my skin crawl! What should I do? [/quote]

Don’t feel obligated to engage. Let your DH deal w/his family. You are lucky they live far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get on the same page with your DH and figure out a plan to deal with them. This will only get worse once you have kids.

This!

[Anonymous]

Did you know that Mozart and his relatives loved explicit recounts of their exploits and wrote copious amounts of them in letters to each other? He particularly liked butt jokes, apparently. You wouldn't know this just by listening to his elegant music, would you?

My point is that good people can have inelegant and embarrassing traits, but still be good people. If your ILs care about you and their son, are helpful and kind and honest, then those traits are infinitely more valuable than their language and sense of propriety.