How do you deal with not having the life you wanted?

[Anonymous]

I mean I know it could be a lot worse, but I am the only one in my well educated circle who is not married and living in a beautiful house with kids in top schools rather am divorced and struggling, renting a 2BR apt and my kid is in a shit public.

[Anonymous]

I think about this a lot and haven’t made peace with it. I made some (in hindsight) mistakes and decisions that took my career down a dead end, and married someone who has problems that affect my life greatly but that I couldn’t have seen before we had kids. I feel a lot of shame and have pulled away from more content and successful friends because it’s hard to sustain conversations about parts of life we used to have in common. I have a child and that gives me a small sense of peace, because I have the ability to make her life as good as possible even if mine didn’t work out as I’d hoped. On hard days, it feels very dark and I do definitely mourn my hopes for my life. Personally, it is easier for me to get through the saddest days if I acknowledge to myself my sorrow and disappointment rather than stuffing it down. On a practical level, I read a lot and try to make conversation with as many interesting people as possible- no one can live every life but experiencing others’ lives this way helps mine feel less narrow.

[Anonymous]

I realize that given the cards I was dealt, it’s not possible for me to have, be, do “everything “. I measure myself against my own personal goals — and I’m pretty happy with my accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize that given the cards I was dealt, it’s not possible for me to have, be, do “everything “. I measure myself against my own personal goals — and I’m pretty happy with my accomplishments.

Just to add: With some of my friends, I know enough about what it’s taken them to achieve what they have to applaud their accomplishments, even as I realize that their choices and priorities would not be right for me — and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

One thing I find so fascinating about ‘well educated’ women like you is that you feel that being well educated makes you entitled to a high income marriage, 2 beautiful kids healthy kids in private school and in a desireable neighborhood.

And when this doesn’t happen, women like you get depressed. Nothing is guaranteed in life and you should have taken all of this into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I find so fascinating about ‘well educated’ women like you is that you feel that being well educated makes you entitled to a high income marriage, 2 beautiful kids healthy kids in private school and in a desireable neighborhood.

And when this doesn’t happen, women like you get depressed. Nothing is guaranteed in life and you should have taken all of this into consideration.

Huh? Taken it into consideration before what? Aside from being incredibly rude this post makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I try to be thankful for my good health. As long as you’re healthy there is hopes for change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I find so fascinating about ‘well educated’ women like you is that you feel that being well educated makes you entitled to a high income marriage, 2 beautiful kids healthy kids in private school and in a desireable neighborhood.

And when this doesn’t happen, women like you get depressed. Nothing is guaranteed in life and you should have taken all of this into consideration.

Huh? Taken it into consideration before what? Aside from being incredibly rude this post makes no sense.

You sound like a little girl. Grow up. Life is not a fairy tale. And you’re mad that you’re being told this.

You should have thought about all of this into consideration BEFORE you married and had a child. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Being well educated doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to automatically get a long lasting marriage and a child in a ‘top school’.

Women like you run into marriage and generally *life* with little girl fantasies and then when the dark side of REALITY appears and you have to experience it, you can’t cope.

Nothing is guaranteed in life. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I find so fascinating about ‘well educated’ women like you is that you feel that being well educated makes you entitled to a high income marriage, 2 beautiful kids healthy kids in private school and in a desireable neighborhood.

And when this doesn’t happen, women like you get depressed. Nothing is guaranteed in life and you should have taken all of this into consideration.

Huh? Taken it into consideration before what? Aside from being incredibly rude this post makes no sense.

You sound like a little girl. Grow up. Life is not a fairy tale. And you’re mad that you’re being told this.

You should have thought about all of this into consideration BEFORE you married and had a child. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Being well educated doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to automatically get a long lasting marriage and a child in a ‘top school’.

Women like you run into marriage and generally *life* with little girl fantasies and then when the dark side of REALITY appears and you have to experience it, you can’t cope.

Wow. Who hurt you? You know nothing about me, my background, what I’ve lived through or my level of realism or resilience. Nothing. Please seek therapy as you seem to take pleasure in fantasies of hurting others.
Nothing is guaranteed in life. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Spend time with people less fortunate than you so you can start feeling grateful for the life you have.

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

[Anonymous]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Comparison is the thief of joy.

What can I tell you. It’s PMS time and a rough night.

[Anonymous]

Just remember that no one's life is always as rosy at it looks. I know people with great houses, 2 kids, etc, who are in bad marriages, or live above their means, or any other number of things. Be glad you got out of a bad marriage, and know you won't always have a 2 bed apartment. I think that is a big part of what is bothering you, so make a change there when you can so you can feel in control again.

[Anonymous]

I am learning to show gratitude instead of disappointment. Learning to not complain or STFU. Some days it is kinda tough.

[Anonymous]

One more thing. I learned life isn’t over. I have a future. There are more pages in my story. That helps.