30 year age gap between fiancé and myself

[ninanoriella]

I am 25 and my partner who just turned 55 proposed to me. We are planning to have a small courthouse wedding because of COVID and also because I never liked big parties- I’d rather spend the money on an extended honeymoon or just doing nice things for each other.

He has a 22 year old from his first marriage but they divorced when she was a baby. My fiancé had said to me when we first met (not dating yet) that he didn’t want anymore kids. However after dating for a while he said he sees he missed out on fatherhood a lot and that if I wanted to have a baby, he was willing to try and we’ve been having sex without protection now.

However, while I feel like we are very in love and very compatible, I just wanted some insight into what it’s like to be in an age gap marriage.

My parents are shocked that I’m so serious with a man that much older, but I am going into this hoping that this is forever. I don’t ever want to get a divorce.

I don’t think my fiancé is slowing down anytime soon. However, I was just wondering how I can prepare for if he ends up “ feeling old” or just matching our lifestyles so we’re in tune with each other. I want to be a mother, but after high school I did one year in college before dropping out. I worked for an interior decorating company, just learning a lot of the business behind it. I also do a lot of fashion design in my free time. I want to go and formally study business but my fiancé has been a business owner for a long time and has continuously offered me positions but its not in as creative a field as I’d like.

I think my fiancé also has moments of insecurity about our age gap. Have any of you in age gap relationships dealt with insecurities? He’s worried about aging and jokes he keeps himself young for me but I know that he has a hard time sometimes. Luckily I have a cordial relationship with his daughter but his niece who is 13 has been rather thorny with me. Nothing too bad but just an aloof attitude which I guess could also be because she’s 13. His ex wife is very much not in the picture but has flipped out on his regarding the age gap once. But mostly they don’t talk at all. Pre COVID she was always part of a volunteer corps in another country most of the time.

[Anonymous]

I didn't finish reading this. It won't end well.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:I am 25 and my partner who just turned 55 proposed to me. We are planning to have a small courthouse wedding because of COVID and also because I never liked big parties- I’d rather spend the money on an extended honeymoon or just doing nice things for each other.

He has a 22 year old from his first marriage but they divorced when she was a baby. My fiancé had said to me when we first met (not dating yet) that he didn’t want anymore kids. However after dating for a while he said he sees he missed out on fatherhood a lot and that if I wanted to have a baby, he was willing to try and we’ve been having sex without protection now.

However, while I feel like we are very in love and very compatible, I just wanted some insight into what it’s like to be in an age gap marriage.

My parents are shocked that I’m so serious with a man that much older, but I am going into this hoping that this is forever. I don’t ever want to get a divorce.

I don’t think my fiancé is slowing down anytime soon. However, I was just wondering how I can prepare for if he ends up “ feeling old” or just matching our lifestyles so we’re in tune with each other. I want to be a mother, but after high school I did one year in college before dropping out. I worked for an interior decorating company, just learning a lot of the business behind it. I also do a lot of fashion design in my free time. I want to go and formally study business but my fiancé has been a business owner for a long time and has continuously offered me positions but its not in as creative a field as I’d like.

I think my fiancé also has moments of insecurity about our age gap. Have any of you in age gap relationships dealt with insecurities? He’s worried about aging and jokes he keeps himself young for me but I know that he has a hard time sometimes. Luckily I have a cordial relationship with his daughter but his niece who is 13 has been rather thorny with me. Nothing too bad but just an aloof attitude which I guess could also be because she’s 13. His ex wife is very much not in the picture but has flipped out on his regarding the age gap once. But mostly they don’t talk at all. Pre COVID she was always part of a volunteer corps in another country most of the time.

I hope you are fine being a caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Prediction: you’ll have a baby and he will be as worthless as he was with the first one (why else would they divorce when she was a baby?!) and you’ll be divorced by 30.

And so it goes...

[Anonymous]

You’ll get five or ten good year out of him, tops. Then you will be stuck taking care of an old man.

[Anonymous]

Forget about the fiance and move to somewhere you can blossom your creativity and design career. You're too flighty for marriage and motherhood , not unusual for 25.


Your fiance is a bum.

[Anonymous]

You're wasting your good years with a soon to be elderly man. Next.

[Anonymous]

Melania, is that you?

Just kidding. But, jokes apart, he'd better be filthy rich, not a HVAC-company owner rich.

[Anonymous]

Eeeewwwwwww

My opinion, and that of every person you meet.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd be blunt. Can he get it up every single time?

[Anonymous]

Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

He won't need a nurse at 65. And I'd he's that rich hell likely make sure op doesn't get a dime outside of child support and she might not get that because if he's rich enough he can make sure he gets full custody.

[Anonymous]

Go look at pictures of 75 year olds. I’m 45. That will be your life in 20 years. I still feel 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

[Anonymous]

My cousin got married in her late 20s to a guy 26 years older than herself. That was nearly 30 years ago and they’re still happily married. They just get along very well. They had two kids, both out of college now. He has slowed down a lot and is definitely showing his age, but I don’t think that bothers my cousin at all. I think it depends on your mindset. My cousin was truly in love and went in with eyes wide open and reasonable expectations. I think it can work out, because I’ve seen it work out. But it’s definitely not for everybody.