30 year age gap between fiancé and myself

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:we’ve been having sex without protection now

Stop!

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

Oh hell yea. Get a solid pre-nup so you're not left high and dry if he bails, or dies and leaves everything to his first kid.

FWIW I loved rich older men when I was your age. Now that I'm pushing 40, I love young 20-something dudes and being the one with money. Play your cards right and you'll get the best of both world before you hit 45.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:I am 25 and my partner who just turned 55 proposed to me. We are planning to have a small courthouse wedding because of COVID and also because I never liked big parties- I’d rather spend the money on an extended honeymoon or just doing nice things for each other.

He has a 22 year old from his first marriage but they divorced when she was a baby. My fiancé had said to me when we first met (not dating yet) that he didn’t want anymore kids. However after dating for a while he said he sees he missed out on fatherhood a lot and that if I wanted to have a baby, he was willing to try and we’ve been having sex without protection now.

However, while I feel like we are very in love and very compatible, I just wanted some insight into what it’s like to be in an age gap marriage.

My parents are shocked that I’m so serious with a man that much older, but I am going into this hoping that this is forever. I don’t ever want to get a divorce.

I don’t think my fiancé is slowing down anytime soon. However, I was just wondering how I can prepare for if he ends up “ feeling old” or just matching our lifestyles so we’re in tune with each other. I want to be a mother, but after high school I did one year in college before dropping out. I worked for an interior decorating company, just learning a lot of the business behind it. I also do a lot of fashion design in my free time. I want to go and formally study business but my fiancé has been a business owner for a long time and has continuously offered me positions but its not in as creative a field as I’d like.

I think my fiancé also has moments of insecurity about our age gap. Have any of you in age gap relationships dealt with insecurities? He’s worried about aging and jokes he keeps himself young for me but I know that he has a hard time sometimes. Luckily I have a cordial relationship with his daughter but his niece who is 13 has been rather thorny with me. Nothing too bad but just an aloof attitude which I guess could also be because she’s 13. His ex wife is very much not in the picture but has flipped out on his regarding the age gap once. But mostly they don’t talk at all. Pre COVID she was always part of a volunteer corps in another country most of the time.

Drop this man if you have to think about funneling wedding finances to a nicer vacation. For that age gap you're supposed to be getting a ton of money.
Listen to an old woman here- your youth will pass, don't waste it on an aging man who's had his youth. He is being selfish taking advantage of yours.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is at the hospital right now dealing with her DH (25 years her senior, divorced w/2 just younger than her kids) who is sun downing with early alzheimer’s. He is a former athlete and they had 22 good to great years (though most of the social life was with his friends and their mix of either the 25 year older women or second or third wives) but last three really really tough. And his rigidity as an older parent has now ostracized their only child. My SIL - especially with covid isolation is hitting rock bottom.

From the outside it seems like she’ll be his caretaker from here out. Luckily they are fairly well off

[Anonymous]

What does your pre-nup say?

[Anonymous]

Are you Russian or Ukrainian or Slovakian?

[Anonymous]

His DNA is fried. Don’t have kids with old people.

[Anonymous]

OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

You have the same syntax as the op

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who married someone 25 years older than she was. They are now happily married for 20 years.

They met and married when my friend was in their late twenties/early thirties and he was in his 50s. He has one child from his first marriage and a second with my friend.

The things she worried about with the age gap were that she would still be working for many years after her DH retired (they were normal UMC) so they needed to plan for that kind of retirement, not one where they would travel together, etc. And that he would probably die when she was in her 50s or early 60s, so that meant she would be a widow for a long time or expect to remarry. I think my friend also felt sad that her own parents were divorced and her husbands had passed, so her child didn’t really have “grandparents “ in a traditional sense.

Her parents were initially opposed because of the age difference but came around - they really like her DH.

Her DH was active and did/does sports with their child, was more established in his career to was a very involved father, etc. They are a very chill couple.

GL, and if you do marry and have a child, make sure your DH had an estate plan which takes care of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Not smart

[Anonymous]

My best friend is 36 like me, she got divorced and remarried a man who is in his 60s. My husband and I hate hanging out with them, we can’t relate. He is way too old and it’s awkward

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is 36 like me, she got divorced and remarried a man who is in his 60s. My husband and I hate hanging out with them, we can’t relate. He is way too old and it’s awkward [/quot

Are you and your husband so socially stunted that you can't find something to talk about with someone is his 60s? Or are you both so full of yourself you never bothered to ask him questions about himself and his interesting life experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prediction: you’ll have a baby and he will be as worthless as he was with the first one (why else would they divorce when she was a baby?!) and you’ll be divorced by 30.

And so it goes...

Oh come on. She’s not going to divorce at 30. These marriages last at least until the 7 year mark.