30 year age gap between fiancé and myself

[Anonymous]

My husband is 13 years older than me and I was 26 when I met him. I feel like 13 is already a lot and DH is very athletic, energetic, full of life, etc. I am 36 and he is 49. We have 3 kids and are happy, but I do wish he were 5 years younger.
Being married to him (very much ahead in his career) allowed me to start and finish a PhD while having kids, I had a nanny, kids are in private school, we own 2 houses (thought that’s mostly my family’s money).

I think about him being very old and taking care of him when I will still be fairly young, but that’s life...

30 years is too much if you want a family and a “normal” life in my opinion

[Anonymous]

1.Why are you engaged at 25?

2. Why couldn't you find a man around your own age group?

3. We might think there's money involved.

4. Your syntax makes you sound like you aren't from the US, this will add to judgements.

5. He's lying to you about wanting another kid.

Look, if it's serious, and maybe it is serious, put the wedding and kids off for 5 years. No harm in waiting. If you're both deeply in love 5 years won't make any difference. If he can't wait or you can't wait then it's time for questions.

[Anonymous]

Gross.

[ninanoriella]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

[Anonymous]

Does it not creep you out that you’re 3 years older than his daughter? I guarantee it creeps her our.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

Oh okay. Standard “youth for money” transaction. Go for it. But be careful with your prenup. You don’t want to be left penniless if when you’re 40 he decides his next wife should be 22.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

If he has all this you're going to get screwed over majorly if you divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin got married in her late 20s to a guy 26 years older than herself. That was nearly 30 years ago and they’re still happily married. They just get along very well. They had two kids, both out of college now. He has slowed down a lot and is definitely showing his age, but I don’t think that bothers my cousin at all. I think it depends on your mindset. My cousin was truly in love and went in with eyes wide open and reasonable expectations. I think it can work out, because I’ve seen it work out. But it’s definitely not for everybody.

Get your cousin here to answer this question.

[Anonymous]

He might die and then you’ll be free again, possibly w a kid in tow.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:I am 25 and my partner who just turned 55 proposed to me. We are planning to have a small courthouse wedding because of COVID and also because I never liked big parties- I’d rather spend the money on an extended honeymoon or just doing nice things for each other.

He has a 22 year old from his first marriage but they divorced when she was a baby. My fiancé had said to me when we first met (not dating yet) that he didn’t want anymore kids. However after dating for a while he said he sees he missed out on fatherhood a lot and that if I wanted to have a baby, he was willing to try and we’ve been having sex without protection now.

However, while I feel like we are very in love and very compatible, I just wanted some insight into what it’s like to be in an age gap marriage.

My parents are shocked that I’m so serious with a man that much older, but I am going into this hoping that this is forever. I don’t ever want to get a divorce.

I don’t think my fiancé is slowing down anytime soon. However, I was just wondering how I can prepare for if he ends up “ feeling old” or just matching our lifestyles so we’re in tune with each other. I want to be a mother, but after high school I did one year in college before dropping out. I worked for an interior decorating company, just learning a lot of the business behind it. I also do a lot of fashion design in my free time. I want to go and formally study business but my fiancé has been a business owner for a long time and has continuously offered me positions but its not in as creative a field as I’d like.

I think my fiancé also has moments of insecurity about our age gap. Have any of you in age gap relationships dealt with insecurities? He’s worried about aging and jokes he keeps himself young for me but I know that he has a hard time sometimes. Luckily I have a cordial relationship with his daughter but his niece who is 13 has been rather thorny with me. Nothing too bad but just an aloof attitude which I guess could also be because she’s 13. His ex wife is very much not in the picture but has flipped out on his regarding the age gap once. But mostly they don’t talk at all. Pre COVID she was always part of a volunteer corps in another country most of the time.




Your husband to be was thirty years old when you were born. Doesn't that creep you out? He will get old and you will become older too. I've seen it happen many times.

[ninanoriella]

Anonymous wrote:1.Why are you engaged at 25?

2. Why couldn't you find a man around your own age group?

3. We might think there's money involved.

4. Your syntax makes you sound like you aren't from the US, this will add to judgements.

5. He's lying to you about wanting another kid.

Look, if it's serious, and maybe it is serious, put the wedding and kids off for 5 years. No harm in waiting. If you're both deeply in love 5 years won't make any difference. If he can't wait or you can't wait then it's time for questions.

I was raised as an expat in Uzbekistan from age 8 until I was 17 but was born in the US. What part of my syntax gives it off? I went to an international school there. My dad worked in the oil industry there but as to age gaps I guess my parents’ Eastern European/ Central Asian background accepts it more. My parents have a 10 year age gap which is standard for the circles there. I mean it was kind of a cultural shock to see that everybody my age thinks it’s ideal to date someone the exact same age. I just assumed that I would never make my peers happy anyway and I fell in love.

My parents are upper middle class in the sense that my dad always had to work to keep up a good lifestyle while my fiancé is very wealthy. My parents were shocked when I said I was dating him and said that they’d always support me if I was in need but I told them it’s not about the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't finish reading this. It won't end well.

This.

[Anonymous]

Not a good idea. At all.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.Why are you engaged at 25?

2. Why couldn't you find a man around your own age group?

3. We might think there's money involved.

4. Your syntax makes you sound like you aren't from the US, this will add to judgements.

5. He's lying to you about wanting another kid.

Look, if it's serious, and maybe it is serious, put the wedding and kids off for 5 years. No harm in waiting. If you're both deeply in love 5 years won't make any difference. If he can't wait or you can't wait then it's time for questions.

I was raised as an expat in Uzbekistan from age 8 until I was 17 but was born in the US. What part of my syntax gives it off? I went to an international school there. My dad worked in the oil industry there but as to age gaps I guess my parents’ Eastern European/ Central Asian background accepts it more. My parents have a 10 year age gap which is standard for the circles there. I mean it was kind of a cultural shock to see that everybody my age thinks it’s ideal to date someone the exact same age. I just assumed that I would never make my peers happy anyway and I fell in love.

My parents are upper middle class in the sense that my dad always had to work to keep up a good lifestyle while my fiancé is very wealthy. My parents were shocked when I said I was dating him and said that they’d always support me if I was in need but I told them it’s not about the money.

I called it. Use your soon to be husband's money to hire me to explain how I knew. I don't work for free, and it seems you don't either.

[Anonymous]

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

Dang! Marry this man!