30 year age gap between fiancé and myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

what did ^PP say that makes her sound like a b***. She said she still loves her DH, and he's fit and very involved. What about that makes OP sound like a b***?

I don’t know... sometimes we react the most harshly to things we are not ready yet to face or see in ourselves. Their situations, despite the age gap being a similarity, are actually quite different though. One marriage involves kids and another marriage doesn’t. That has a big impact on the marriage.

I'm the harsh PP. My bad; the post just reeked of ingratitude. The husband sounds great, she built a life and family with this man, and to turn around and say "it isn't worth it" is really mean...I would say the same even if the genders were reversed. If you can find a good man, no matter how old he is, count your blessings. So many people I know have many issues such as alcoholism, emotional spending/eating, mental health issues...someday life will end for everyone so just maximize your quality of life with a good-quality person. In OP's case, I think her fiance is strange for wanting to knock her up first without getting married but maybe he's another Elon Musk, who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

In 23 years, OP will be 48 and her finance will be Joe Biden’s age. Biden is in great physical shape for a guy his age. He still has the mental acuity to be President. But would you honestly want to be under 50 and married to someone like Biden? Some women would. Some women wouldn’t. The ones warning OP are the ones who wouldn’t. I’m 47 and I have a lot of respect for Biden, but I don’t find him sexually attractive.

Why don't we ask Jill?

[Anonymous]

My gf mom gave me a piece of advice when I was in my early twenties that I really appreciated. She said something like - you can either marry an older man who is established who already knows who he is and probably won’t change, or you can marry someone your age and grow together.

I’m sure this isn’t an absolute statement, but I believe it is generally true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

what did ^PP say that makes her sound like a b***. She said she still loves her DH, and he's fit and very involved. What about that makes OP sound like a b***?

I don’t know... sometimes we react the most harshly to things we are not ready yet to face or see in ourselves. Their situations, despite the age gap being a similarity, are actually quite different though. One marriage involves kids and another marriage doesn’t. That has a big impact on the marriage.

I'm the harsh PP. My bad; the post just reeked of ingratitude. The husband sounds great, she built a life and family with this man, and to turn around and say "it isn't worth it" is really mean...I would say the same even if the genders were reversed. If you can find a good man, no matter how old he is, count your blessings. So many people I know have many issues such as alcoholism, emotional spending/eating, mental health issues...someday life will end for everyone so just maximize your quality of life with a good-quality person. In OP's case, I think her fiance is strange for wanting to knock her up first without getting married but maybe he's another Elon Musk, who knows?

I hate it when people say, "Oh, you should be thankful.. your situation could be so much worse".

Yea, it could be, but it's not, and the ^^PP is just stating that there are huge drawbacks to the situation. She doesn't sound like she's about to leave her old DH. If she did, then that would make her a b1tch.

The PP has first hand experience of what this scenario is like. Why not share it.

It's like if a single mom said something like.. "parenting is really hard, so don't get pregnant unless you are absolutely sure your marriage is strong and your DH will be a good dad. It's not worth having kids if your marriage sucks".

Nothing wrong with saying that, either.

[Anonymous]

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll get five or ten good year out of him, tops. Then you will be stuck taking care of an old man.

The dude's 55 not 75.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it!! Run!!! I'm 35 he's 52 our sex drives are no longer compatible. He finishes quickly. Unless he has an 8 figure bank account run. Older men are set in their ways. If I could talk to 25 yr old me I'd drag her by her weave to the guys her own age looking at her. So many regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

what did ^PP say that makes her sound like a b***. She said she still loves her DH, and he's fit and very involved. What about that makes OP sound like a b***?

I don’t know... sometimes we react the most harshly to things we are not ready yet to face or see in ourselves. Their situations, despite the age gap being a similarity, are actually quite different though. One marriage involves kids and another marriage doesn’t. That has a big impact on the marriage.

I'm the harsh PP. My bad; the post just reeked of ingratitude. The husband sounds great, she built a life and family with this man, and to turn around and say "it isn't worth it" is really mean...I would say the same even if the genders were reversed. If you can find a good man, no matter how old he is, count your blessings. So many people I know have many issues such as alcoholism, emotional spending/eating, mental health issues...someday life will end for everyone so just maximize your quality of life with a good-quality person. In OP's case, I think her fiance is strange for wanting to knock her up first without getting married but maybe he's another Elon Musk, who knows?

I hate it when people say, "Oh, you should be thankful.. your situation could be so much worse".

Yea, it could be, but it's not, and the ^^PP is just stating that there are huge drawbacks to the situation. She doesn't sound like she's about to leave her old DH. If she did, then that would make her a b1tch.

The PP has first hand experience of what this scenario is like. Why not share it.

It's like if a single mom said something like.. "parenting is really hard, so don't get pregnant unless you are absolutely sure your marriage is strong and your DH will be a good dad. It's not worth having kids if your marriage sucks".

Nothing wrong with saying that, either.

That’s the thing. The PP’s situation isn’t bad at all. The guy is in good health, engaged dad, works hard...she’s just ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

In 23 years, OP will be 48 and her finance will be Joe Biden’s age. Biden is in great physical shape for a guy his age. He still has the mental acuity to be President. But would you honestly want to be under 50 and married to someone like Biden? Some women would. Some women wouldn’t. The ones warning OP are the ones who wouldn’t. I’m 47 and I have a lot of respect for Biden, but I don’t find him sexually attractive.

Why don't we ask Jill?

What are you talking about? She’s about to turn 70! Not 45. Looks great, though.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t do this OP. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

what did ^PP say that makes her sound like a b***. She said she still loves her DH, and he's fit and very involved. What about that makes OP sound like a b***?

I don’t know... sometimes we react the most harshly to things we are not ready yet to face or see in ourselves. Their situations, despite the age gap being a similarity, are actually quite different though. One marriage involves kids and another marriage doesn’t. That has a big impact on the marriage.

I'm the harsh PP. My bad; the post just reeked of ingratitude. The husband sounds great, she built a life and family with this man, and to turn around and say "it isn't worth it" is really mean...I would say the same even if the genders were reversed. If you can find a good man, no matter how old he is, count your blessings. So many people I know have many issues such as alcoholism, emotional spending/eating, mental health issues...someday life will end for everyone so just maximize your quality of life with a good-quality person. In OP's case, I think her fiance is strange for wanting to knock her up first without getting married but maybe he's another Elon Musk, who knows?

I hate it when people say, "Oh, you should be thankful.. your situation could be so much worse".

Yea, it could be, but it's not, and the ^^PP is just stating that there are huge drawbacks to the situation. She doesn't sound like she's about to leave her old DH. If she did, then that would make her a b1tch.

The PP has first hand experience of what this scenario is like. Why not share it.

It's like if a single mom said something like.. "parenting is really hard, so don't get pregnant unless you are absolutely sure your marriage is strong and your DH will be a good dad. It's not worth having kids if your marriage sucks".

Nothing wrong with saying that, either.

That’s the thing. The PP’s situation isn’t bad at all. The guy is in good health, engaged dad, works hard...she’s just ungrateful.

once again.. she is seeing issues due to the large age gap, and she's just sharing her experience. Maybe to her, it is getting bad. I would not like it either. My DH is a great husband but he's six years older than I am, and I am starting to now notice the difference in age gap as we get older. After a certain age, the decline gets steeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would ONLY marry a childless filthy rich terminally ill old fart!

Saving for college, I worked as a janitor. The guy I worked with said, "Why are you working here? Just marry a rich old fart and set him up in front of a draft!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

Everyone always has the unicorn example. My parents are fit and active. They are 79 and 80 and have always been in good health/taken care of their health, but they are slowing down and changing. I’m thirty years younger and cannot imagine being married to a man my dad’s age at a time when I’m still raising a teen and tween, working full-time, etc.

And your parents are almost the same age and going thru the same age and decade together. Cute!

They've been married 52 years! Lots of ups and downs but my dad is cute - he always says, "You don't let go of a Larla." (my mom).

Despite being almost 30 years older than me they both looked so young for so long that my mother was legitimately taken as my sister and because I always looked older for my age in my teens/twenties I have been mistaken for my father's wife by strangers in restaurants, etc. I say this because their approaching 80 has really been a shift. Neither one looks anywhere near 80, no memory problems, etc., but the slowing down and loss of filter/personality shifts are very stark to me. I'm saying this b/c OP may want to take into account that the person that she has today may not be the person she has at 50, when she is still pretty much herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it!! Run!!! I'm 35 he's 52 our sex drives are no longer compatible. He finishes quickly. Unless he has an 8 figure bank account run. Older men are set in their ways. If I could talk to 25 yr old me I'd drag her by her weave to the guys her own age looking at her. So many regrets.

My husband is 13 years older then me and we have zero issue. As of now, I don’t feel he is much older than me at all...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

what did ^PP say that makes her sound like a b***. She said she still loves her DH, and he's fit and very involved. What about that makes OP sound like a b***?

I don’t know... sometimes we react the most harshly to things we are not ready yet to face or see in ourselves. Their situations, despite the age gap being a similarity, are actually quite different though. One marriage involves kids and another marriage doesn’t. That has a big impact on the marriage.

I'm the harsh PP. My bad; the post just reeked of ingratitude. The husband sounds great, she built a life and family with this man, and to turn around and say "it isn't worth it" is really mean...I would say the same even if the genders were reversed. If you can find a good man, no matter how old he is, count your blessings. So many people I know have many issues such as alcoholism, emotional spending/eating, mental health issues...someday life will end for everyone so just maximize your quality of life with a good-quality person. In OP's case, I think her fiance is strange for wanting to knock her up first without getting married but maybe he's another Elon Musk, who knows?

I hate it when people say, "Oh, you should be thankful.. your situation could be so much worse".

Yea, it could be, but it's not, and the ^^PP is just stating that there are huge drawbacks to the situation. She doesn't sound like she's about to leave her old DH. If she did, then that would make her a b1tch.

The PP has first hand experience of what this scenario is like. Why not share it.

It's like if a single mom said something like.. "parenting is really hard, so don't get pregnant unless you are absolutely sure your marriage is strong and your DH will be a good dad. It's not worth having kids if your marriage sucks".

Nothing wrong with saying that, either.

That’s the thing. The PP’s situation isn’t bad at all. The guy is in good health, engaged dad, works hard...she’s just ungrateful.

once again.. she is seeing issues due to the large age gap, and she's just sharing her experience. Maybe to her, it is getting bad. I would not like it either. My DH is a great husband but he's six years older than I am, and I am starting to now notice the difference in age gap as we get older. After a certain age, the decline gets steeper.

What age is that where age differences matter more and the decline seems steeper?