30 year age gap between fiancé and myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

Oh okay. Standard “youth for money” transaction. Go for it. But be careful with your prenup. You don’t want to be left penniless if when you’re 40 he decides his next wife should be 22.

+1. I probably would not be this blunt about it, but essentially this - make sure you are going to be set up financially in the even of divorce, his end of life if he lives to be elderly, or his death. You are giving up certain parts of your youth here. I'd also make getting a college degree a priority.

+2 OP you're trading your youth for money. It works for some people, but make sure you're protected in the event of not just divorce but also his death - if he's this rich I'm sure he has a lot of money in trust for his daughter (unless he's a real scumbag), so be clear-eyed about what proportion of his assets are even available to you for use, inheritance, etc. You can cool it with the "I really really love him" stuff when you're looking for real advice; your parents' reaction is enough to show that for the ruse it is.

[Anonymous]

Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he didn’t want kids before he met you, he doesn’t want them now. What he does want is to f**ck a younger woman without protection, and he may want to get you pregnant which isn’t the same as wanting to have a family with you. He just knows how to say the words you want to hear since he’s had 30 more years experience on the planet then you have.

If I’m wrong, tell him you want to get married tomorrow or even today. I don’t understand why you all are engaged and not already married if he is sincere in what he’s telling you. The world is not kind to single moms which is what you are on the verge of becoming.

As for business school, go. I might have a different answer if you were legally married and trying to get pregnant. You are not, at least not legally married.

I’m concerned that he’s offering you experience in your business which won’t get you far if/when you break up. Nobody speaks well of an ex, at least not initially. Also, you don’t want to get tagged as having gotten your work experience because you were sleeping with the boss. You are worth more then that. Business school would be good for you and offers things he can’t offer.

As for him being self conscious about the age difference, he needs to get over that. He is choosing to date you, if he doesn’t present like the luckiest man on the planet, that is a problem. I’d say this about a guy your own age too, he should be thrilled at getting to do life with you.

I’d run, op. Normally I’d say you are an adult and so is he, but I’m getting a yucky vibe from this situation.


Normally I’d say you

He proposed a month ago and we’re getting married at the courthouse in June right after my brother graduates from college.

[Anonymous]

You'll deserve all the hell going through the teenage years with your future child and wrinkly d*ck partner. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - First of all, don't listen to these people. 55 is not old. My father is in his 70s and is very active. Goes to the gym regularly, travels, is in excellent health and the whole nine. I know an 80 year old man who travels and drives a motorcycle still. If you don't mind a man 30 years your senior then please don't allow these people's negative comments deter you. Maybe they're all married to lazy, fat ass men with a whole slew of health issues and who aren't aging gracefully. It happens. Funny thing is, many of these women who are commenting are probably pushing 50 themselves. No one is promised tomorrow. You could marry someone 28, 35, 42 or whatever and they could drop dead in a week. No one knows the future. Live your best life, and for goodness sakes, stay off DCUM.

52yo here. I'm commenting, because I know what it's like to be in my 50s and to f*** a man in his 50s. Even if one is fit and active, skin thins, sags, and becomes spotty. Head hair thins, and wiry hairs pops up in new places. Penises are more temperamental and fragile. When you're both of similar ages, it's less bothersome, because you're aging at an equal pace, and you've got your own things going-on. A 25yo shouldn't waste her youth on 55yo d***, IMO.

Yes, tragedies happen and a younger partner could die or suffer a life-changing accident, but the odds are in the younger person's favor. This is a useless point.

OP, you're either a gold-digger or you have daddy issues, and this is how others see you. Besides your youth, this is why he's attracted to you. He has all the power in the relationship. If this doesn't bother you, don't sweat it. Go ahead and marry him. Don't have affairs, because you will get nothing if you get caught and you divorce. You'll want the security of an heir if your benefactor is as rich as you say he is. Don't have children, though. Your choice is a selfish one, and you alone should live with it. Besides, as another commenter has mentioned, at 55, his genetic contribution is no longer the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're wasting your good years with a soon to be elderly man. Next.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it, please walk away with the memories and with love.

I am 15 years into a 25 year age gap marriage that started when I was 29. Please please please don't do it. I didn't marry for money, it was (and is) for love, genuinely. But two kids in and Im 45 and he's almost 70. I promise you, it isn't worth it. It will hurt if you love him, I still love my husband very much and he is young for his age, works in a busy job, involved with kids, plays tennis, but the chasm is getting bigger by the year.
You will be okay without him. You will.

Seriously, you sound like a b*** talking about your husband like that. I’m also in an 25+ age gap marriage myself but I’m an old soul and love being home. I am childfree by choice and DH is retired. He is still very active and we love our life together. I only hope that he lives to at least a hundred and when people ask what’s his secret, he’ll say “ My wife” 😁

I think she’s just being honest. I don’t see it as being a b.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's not a bad idea. Marry an old guy with money, have a kid or two, and in ten years when he slows down and needs a nurse, you'll still be young enough to start over.

Is he rich enough to pay for a nurse or will OP have to be the caregiver.

When the man is 80, and probably needing some help, OP will be my age.. 50. I can tell you right now, that as a 50 yr old woman, in no way in h3ll would I want to take care of a husband who is as old as my father. I'd be taking care of both elderly men. Gag.. h3ll no.

OP may end up having to take care of her elderly husband and elderly parents at the same time.

OP here. Yes- he easily has enough money to support what would be equivalent to several generations of my family and do it well. He already has a household manager, housekeeping, driver, and a personal assistant that has been helping me out with my work.

Oh okay. Standard “youth for money” transaction. Go for it. But be careful with your prenup. You don’t want to be left penniless if when you’re 40 he decides his next wife should be 22.

+1. I probably would not be this blunt about it, but essentially this - make sure you are going to be set up financially in the even of divorce, his end of life if he lives to be elderly, or his death. You are giving up certain parts of your youth here. I'd also make getting a college degree a priority.

+2 OP you're trading your youth for money. It works for some people, but make sure you're protected in the event of not just divorce but also his death - if he's this rich I'm sure he has a lot of money in trust for his daughter (unless he's a real scumbag), so be clear-eyed about what proportion of his assets are even available to you for use, inheritance, etc. You can cool it with the "I really really love him" stuff when you're looking for real advice; your parents' reaction is enough to show that for the ruse it is.

+3. This is probably the best case example in which this situation is beneficial to both parties. OP should ensure that financially she's taken care of and obviously the child as well if there will be a child later on. I would do this before marriage for sure.

OP, just wondering what are your options for financial independence if you didn't marry this person?

[Anonymous]

I am 50 and have been super active and healthy my whole life. Except for the last 5 years. I suspect Lyme, get positive for it, treated, and now has immense side effects. Now I am falling apart.
In the last 5 years, I am diagnosed with GERD, gastritis, heart palpitations, allergies to be, arthritis that is preventing me from being active.
Your forever is much longer than his.
Make sure he is rich so you are not wiping his behind 10 years from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 50 and have been super active and healthy my whole life. Except for the last 5 years. I suspect Lyme, get positive for it, treated, and now has immense side effects. Now I am falling apart.
In the last 5 years, I am diagnosed with GERD, gastritis, heart palpitations, allergies to be, arthritis that is preventing me from being active.
Your forever is much longer than his.
Make sure he is rich so you are not wiping his behind 10 years from now.

Seriously. After a certain age it is one thing after another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 13 years older than me and I was 26 when I met him. I feel like 13 is already a lot and DH is very athletic, energetic, full of life, etc. I am 36 and he is 49. We have 3 kids and are happy, but I do wish he were 5 years younger.
Being married to him (very much ahead in his career) allowed me to start and finish a PhD while having kids, I had a nanny, kids are in private school, we own 2 houses (thought that’s mostly my family’s money).

I think about him being very old and taking care of him when I will still be fairly young, but that’s life...

30 years is too much if you want a family and a “normal” life in my opinion

Your 13 yr age gap is not at all the same as their 30 yr age gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ninanoriella wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.Why are you engaged at 25?

2. Why couldn't you find a man around your own age group?

3. We might think there's money involved.

4. Your syntax makes you sound like you aren't from the US, this will add to judgements.

5. He's lying to you about wanting another kid.

Look, if it's serious, and maybe it is serious, put the wedding and kids off for 5 years. No harm in waiting. If you're both deeply in love 5 years won't make any difference. If he can't wait or you can't wait then it's time for questions.

I was raised as an expat in Uzbekistan from age 8 until I was 17 but was born in the US. What part of my syntax gives it off? I went to an international school there. My dad worked in the oil industry there but as to age gaps I guess my parents’ Eastern European/ Central Asian background accepts it more. My parents have a 10 year age gap which is standard for the circles there. I mean it was kind of a cultural shock to see that everybody my age thinks it’s ideal to date someone the exact same age. I just assumed that I would never make my peers happy anyway and I fell in love.

My parents are upper middle class in the sense that my dad always had to work to keep up a good lifestyle while my fiancé is very wealthy. My parents were shocked when I said I was dating him and said that they’d always support me if I was in need but I told them it’s not about the money.

I called it. Use your soon to be husband's money to hire me to explain how I knew. I don't work for free, and it seems you don't either.

Yeah. I immediately knew one or both of them were not from US

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Isn't love wonderful?

Gross. She is banking on him taking a dirt nap sooner than later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His DNA is fried. Don’t have kids with old people.

Truth. There will be a higher likelihood your children will have autism and probably other disorders/gene mutations