Step-MIL says she’s not my messenger

[Anonymous]

I just sent her a few videos of my kids on Facebook messenger and said to please share with FIL. She responds “it seems like your phone is functioning just fine. Why don’t you text him yourself?” To which I said DH doesn’t like me contacting his dad and she wrote back “That’s between you and DH. I’m not your messenger. Every time you message me, it’s a directive to buy something or show FIL videos of DH drunk or your kids. It’s honestly rubbing me the wrong way that you don’t even ask about me but contact me with instructions every single time. You have FIL’s cell phone so you can send him the videos directly.” I’m annoyed that she couldn’t just say ok but had to lecture me like this. Do I tell FIL?

[Anonymous]

I’d be annoyed at you too. Why doesn’t dh like you contacting his dad?

This is identical to MlLs only coming to DILs with questions and problems instead of their sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just sent her a few videos of my kids on Facebook messenger and said to please share with FIL. She responds “it seems like your phone is functioning just fine. Why don’t you text him yourself?” To which I said DH doesn’t like me contacting his dad and she wrote back “That’s between you and DH. I’m not your messenger. Every time you message me, it’s a directive to buy something or show FIL videos of DH drunk or your kids. It’s honestly rubbing me the wrong way that you don’t even ask about me but contact me with instructions every single time. You have FIL’s cell phone so you can send him the videos directly.” I’m annoyed that she couldn’t just say ok but had to lecture me like this. Do I tell FIL?

How do you treat her? If you only text wanting money/stuff or for FIL, she is right. Do you check to see how she's doing? Ask how she is or do you just send your gift list for her to buy? Do you treat her like family? Doesn't sound like it so what do you want from her?

[Anonymous]

Why would you even try to send the videos or contacting them? DH doesn’t want you to; she is a STEP MIL, he is not your dad but your FIL.
I only contact my ex parents in law because they are super nice.

[Anonymous]

I applaud step-MIL for using her words! Of course her words sting, but she's right: why do you always expect her to bear the brunt of the situation between your husband and his father? Why don't you ask how she's doing before you use her as intermediary?

Come on, OP. This is practically internalized misogyny, where your husband and FIL get stuff they want, but the women have to run around and do the work.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t your DH like you contacting his dad? That’s weird.

[Anonymous]

You’ve got a very strange family dynamic going on there. Have you texted her instructions to do something for you, without politely asking how she is or making small talk, on multiple occasions? No one would like that. Have you sent her videos of your drunk husband? Why doesn’t your Dh want you to send videos of the kids to his father? If he doesn’t want you to do that, how is it any better for you to send them to step-MIL and ask her to share them with FIL? If you can’t send the videos to FIL, why would you be able to contact him to tattle on step-MIL?

Send stuff to FIL or don’t, but leave poor step-MIL out of the drama.

[Anonymous]

Do you ever reach out to her other than to instruct her to do something for you? And why has your DH banned you from texting your FIL directly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t your DH like you contacting his dad? That’s weird.

Maybe because she sends him videos of DH drunk???? Lol

[Anonymous]

Why are you sending your step MIL videos of your drunk husband for her to show to your FIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just sent her a few videos of my kids on Facebook messenger and said to please share with FIL. She responds “it seems like your phone is functioning just fine. Why don’t you text him yourself?” To which I said DH doesn’t like me contacting his dad and she wrote back “That’s between you and DH. I’m not your messenger. Every time you message me, it’s a directive to buy something or show FIL videos of DH drunk or your kids. It’s honestly rubbing me the wrong way that you don’t even ask about me but contact me with instructions every single time. You have FIL’s cell phone so you can send him the videos directly.” I’m annoyed that she couldn’t just say ok but had to lecture me like this. Do I tell FIL?

What? This is clearly a troll. Your husband said don’t contact his dad directly and when dad’s wife tells you to bug off, you then think you’ll contact the dad? No. Bad troll.

[Anonymous]

If your DH has asked you not to contact your FIL directly, so instead you go about it a roundabout way and ask another party to deliver messages to your FIL that is manipulative and a violation of a boundary your DH asked you to respect.

Your Step-MIL is in the right - she is being clear, honest and direct with you. If what she is describing is true then you have been treating her as a messenger and if I were her I would be annoyed too. She is especially right about the FIL no contact issue being between you and your DH.

[Anonymous]

She's right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t your DH like you contacting his dad? That’s weird.

Probably because OP is a loon.

[Anonymous]

DH has an alcohol problem he is seeking treatment for. FIL doesn’t take his calls anymore. I just wanted to share the videos with their grandfather. I don’t see what his wife would have against it and why she can’t do it when they live in the same house. I used to send the videos of DH drunk to prove that he was abusing alcohol at the time and I didn’t ask my step-MIL for money except to support my MLM business by buying a few products. She didn’t respond to that message so I thought she just ignored me.