Step-MIL says she’s not my messenger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out.

[Anonymous]

Tell FIL? No, you text him directly from now on. Also, don’t expect any interitance.

[Anonymous]

Omg, are you for real? You write to your step-mil to:

1. Forward messages to your fil
2. Take your kids for a few days
3. Support your MLM scam

God, I hope you are a troll! If not, your complete lack of srlf-awareness explains why your step mil feels she needs to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell FIL? No, you text him directly from now on. Also, don’t expect any interitance.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out.

Most of us don't have grandparent help. You are completely unreasonable to expect your FIL and step-MIL to move closer to you for child care. Hire a babysitter. You are saying they owe you. Why should they take the kids for a few days. Its one thing if they offer, but they aren't. You need to stop demanding help and grow up and be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just sent her a few videos of my kids on Facebook messenger and said to please share with FIL. She responds “it seems like your phone is functioning just fine. Why don’t you text him yourself?” To which I said DH doesn’t like me contacting his dad and she wrote back “That’s between you and DH. I’m not your messenger. Every time you message me, it’s a directive to buy something or show FIL videos of DH drunk or your kids. It’s honestly rubbing me the wrong way that you don’t even ask about me but contact me with instructions every single time. You have FIL’s cell phone so you can send him the videos directly.” I’m annoyed that she couldn’t just say ok but had to lecture me like this. Do I tell FIL?

Team MIL. You are wrong. Please apologize to your MIL and tell her that you were wrong and won't do it again.

[Anonymous]

Wtf. No grandparents, step or biological, are obligated to pick up their lives and move just to be close to their grandchildren.it doesn’t matter if they work from home. You don’t get to dictate where they live! Op, you are way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out.

Your mom is 80, but FIL just retired? Are you in your 40s? Did DH’s parents have him in their teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out.

Your mom is 80, but FIL just retired? Are you in your 40s? Did DH’s parents have him in their teens?

DH and I are in early forties. DH’s parents were in their twenties and my mom had me as a surprise baby.

[Anonymous]

Why would they want to help you? You were a selfish and inconsiderate asshole when you and your kid were staying with them trying to escape your alcoholic husband. You're a hot mess and your husband is an addict. God help your children, neither of you should be parents. Please get some therapy OP. I remember your other post and between that one and this one it is so clear you need some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would they want to help you? You were a selfish and inconsiderate asshole when you and your kid were staying with them trying to escape your alcoholic husband. You're a hot mess and your husband is an addict. God help your children, neither of you should be parents. Please get some therapy OP. I remember your other post and between that one and this one it is so clear you need some help.

New poster. Shouldn’t they try to help them because of the grandkids?

[Anonymous]

I'm a second wife, just like the step-MIL, and to offer my two cents. Many women like myself aren't considered to be family by the adult stepchildren or their spouses and yet they want us to pitch in and provide childcare. Chances are that OP never included her FIL's wife in any of her children's drawings/cards/ family photos. But there's really nothing in it for step-MILs and so, why should we help? It's unlikely that we can depend on step-grandchildren as we age either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to.

Why can't you move to be near them? You are not your step-MIL problem. She does not owe you child care. Where is your mom? Call her. Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess. They should not be traveling this summer with covid. Leave them alone.

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out.

Your mom is 80, but FIL just retired? Are you in your 40s? Did DH’s parents have him in their teens?

NP my parents are retiring in their early 80s. So entirely possible. I don’t know If this is typical but my mom is much more excited about my soon to be born baby than my father is. It will be their first grandchild. My mother has described trying to encourage my dad to buy something for the baby and has made comments about how he should visit since he is so much better with babies than she is. My father has shown no interest. If he were remarried I would expect nothing from him and a new wife in terms of interest in helping out/being with grandchild. It’s nice that my mother is really excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would they want to help you? You were a selfish and inconsiderate asshole when you and your kid were staying with them trying to escape your alcoholic husband. You're a hot mess and your husband is an addict. God help your children, neither of you should be parents. Please get some therapy OP. I remember your other post and between that one and this one it is so clear you need some help.

New poster. Shouldn’t they try to help them because of the grandkids?

Sure, they can visit and help. It is completely ridiculous to expect them to uproot their lives and move just because OP and her husband are incompetent parents and completely immature.