Husband is beginning to try to lose 60 lbs — how can I support him in this?

[Anonymous]

We’re both in our 30s. He’s been up and down with his weight (as low as in the 130s and now about 210) since we got together 8 years ago.

He decided to get serious about it. He’s been logging his food and water intake, and is exercising every day.

I’m very proud of him and want to know, from folks who have been through weight loss journeys, the best way to support him. He does talk to me about it much more than he used to (even telling me his weight was a big step for him).

I’m not someone who struggles with my weight, so I don’t have personal experience to draw on.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Don't bring junk food he likes into the house; if you do, don't eat it in front of him. Don't sabotage his efforts. Don't urge or pressure him to eat something that isn't within whatever his diet's guidelines are.

When you can exercise or be active together in ways that aren't competitive, do it -- go on walks/hikes/bike rides/jogs together. Have fun.

Tell him you're proud of his hard work. Tell him he looks hot.

[Anonymous]

As I'm sure you know, it's all about diet. I only recently started to struggle with my weight (I'm 50) so I'm guessing you are probably able to eat sweets and high fat things without over doing it. It might be easier for your husband if you just stopped buying those things for a while. Also, not getting take out and cooking lighter for the two of you might help. And either cutting back or not drinking.

It's up to you whether you want to talk to your husband about this or just quietly and slowly make some changes on your own. Probably depends whether he will appreciate it or feel self conscious about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring junk food he likes into the house; if you do, don't eat it in front of him. Don't sabotage his efforts. Don't urge or pressure him to eat something that isn't within whatever his diet's guidelines are.

When you can exercise or be active together in ways that aren't competitive, do it -- go on walks/hikes/bike rides/jogs together. Have fun.

Tell him you're proud of his hard work. Tell him he looks hot.

This is honestly the best piece of advice. Out of sight, out of mind. But if it's there, I'm eating it.

Congrats to your husband for wanting to change his diet and improve his lifestyle. I'm a DH and struggle with eating too much but am at a healthy weight of 150 and "out exercise" my diet which I know wont last forever.

[Anonymous]

My doc suggested I commit to lose 10 pounds over the next year (she had high regard for noom and WW.) Although I need to lose more just breaking it into a doable goal made it feel like I could do and I’m down 25 now. I ended up doing WW online and I honestly know that tracking EVERYTHING I eat every single day has been key and the phone app makes it so easy. I love both the accountability and that there’s real numbers so even what seems like a catastrophic failure has never really been that bad. AND the fact that there’s a clean slate every week as I start over tracking my available points means a fresh start if need be.

I’d done this before and gone to meetings and didn’t think online would work but I am a total convert. I love that I eat just normal foods and my wine nights aren’t super impacted!! I even had a one bottle night and, while it wasn’t my best choice-it wasn’t one I regretted as it was a fun night and I accounted for on the app.

He will be successful if it’s what he wants to do. And I’d focus less on what not to have in the house than what to have available that will make his work to lose weight easier.

[Anonymous]

You’re being very thoughtful, OP. I’m trying to lose 10 and I feel like my boyfriend is sabotaging my weight loss with constantly bringing me treats. I would love a partner who asked what I wanted to eat and worked that into our meal plan. I’m not saying he has to eat the exact same thing, but serving a vegetable on the side that I can enjoy would make it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very thoughtful, OP. I’m trying to lose 10 and I feel like my boyfriend is sabotaging my weight loss with constantly bringing me treats. I would love a partner who asked what I wanted to eat and worked that into our meal plan. I’m not saying he has to eat the exact same thing, but serving a vegetable on the side that I can enjoy would make it easier.

OP here. Oh I’m so sorry — that makes it so much more difficult.

We don’t have junk food in the house to begin with, but I told him I’ll eat whatever he’s eating (maybe just have a larger portion). I don’t want to be that person chowing down on cookies in front of someone trying to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Find low-calorie ways for him to 'cheat' or enjoy off days. I'm a woman but instead of eating cake, cupcakes and ice cream - I do a half a palmful of peanuts and peanut M&Ms for the same 'sugar hit'. Or a smoothie.

Find an exercise he enjoys and let him spend as much money or time as he wants at it - for me finding my 'wow' exercise turned it into a reward instead of a chore - now I exercise daily just because it feels good. His could be kayaking, boxing, running etc. He really just needs to find it.

Invest in lots of cheap at home workout clothes (thin t-shirts and shorts etc) and save the expensive stuff (if he wants it) for going somewhere.

[Anonymous]

There is a guy on youtube Greg Doucette, who is a body builder and gives honest advice on weight loss. None of the keto, paleo crap. He is into high volume, low-calorie foods. I don't know if your dh would be interested in you letting him know the videos this guy produces are pretty good. Though, he has a bit of a grating personality!

[Anonymous]

I think the highlights are already here.

Big thing is that you have to reach him where he is on the curve. If he is making progress of any kind, you have to support it.

You can't bring things into the house that he will want to eat. You can't expect him to eat what you are eating or when you are eating, he may be going it alone for a while. Helping him avoid temptation is huge. Not pushing him or pointing out small setbacks is also huge. Need to look at progress over weeks, not days and find ways to capture that progress meaning it's not always about losing a pound this week if you've lost five in the past month, keep a log and keep track of things over time he can see how far he's come. To me, that was most of it and that's where you gain power.

It's a big number so it touches every aspect of your life, physical endurance, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the way others perceive you, the way you see yourself, etc and it's hard to be ahead every day in all of those columns. Take the wins where you can get them.

I also bought a lot of new clothes along the way because I tossed anything that was loose or didn't fit anymore. Didn't want it around, but people look at things differently. Agree with what someone said on the workout clothes. I bought myself whatever I wanted there as a splurge and incentive to keep working out. Working out was key not because of the calories burned but because of the investment. If you go burn 700 calories, you know how difficult it is and you are much less likely to squander those calories in two minutes on dessert.

If I were starting again, I would look at 60 lbs as a 2 year project. 20 lbs in the first 3 months (easiest), the second 20 by the end of the first year and the last 20 by the end of the second year. And that loss is not linear all the way down, there will be some +3 and +4 plateaus along the way. That's just a realistic way to look at it and if you can sustain it for a longer period of time the chances of making it stick are much greater.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are thoughtful OP. When I want to diet my DH tells me I shouldn't and proceeds to bring all the stuff I love into the house (he does the grocery shop).

[Anonymous]

I'm going to go against the grain a little.

Yes, the most important thing is to not have food in the house that sabotages his healthy eating habits.

I also think it's important to not give his diet and weight loss too much attention. Obviously this only applies if he's this type of person, but sometimes when people know I'm trying to lose weight I put too much pressure on myself and it backfires. Don't comment on every little loss or he can become too obsessive about it and will be measuring his worth to you through his body.

Positive encouragement is great but there is a fine line. But like I said, it depends on his personality.

[Anonymous]

Dissenting post. I don't think "hiding" temptation foods temporarily is going to be what works for the long haul. Short-term, sure. But it's not reasonable in the slightest that your husband's entire universe can be temptation-free for the rest of this life. This is why diets fail for so many people, because they're a temporary weight loss strategy but too often don't do anything to change long-term habits that led to weight gain in the first place. What will work to make his journey sustainable is for him to recognize why and when he gives in to temptation foods and for him to learn how he can eat "bad" foods in moderation.

I say this as someone who has watched her husband's weight yo-yo multiple times because of exactly that strategy (depriving himself of his temptation foods to "get the weight off" but not learning how to navigate the "real world" once he reached his goal weight).

[Anonymous]

Besides the super-important one (don't bring junky food into the house, or if you do, hide it) the following worked for me:

I had a shelf on the fridge that was reserved for me. When I opened the fridge, I only looked at my shelf.

The hardest part about this was training the kids to not eat off my shelf (but they got it)

The other thing is to have healthy snack foods ready to go. The reason people reach for chips/crackers etc is that they are ready to eat. So, pre-wash those pears, or pre-make the celery and peanut butter; put a small plate of cheese and almonds and olives on his shelf.

Also, to the extent he cuts out added sugar, and grains (cereals, breads, pasta) he will drop a lot.

Diet drinks backfire (there is research to support this) and so does artificial sweeteners.

Finally, this may be too advanced, but intermittent fasting (IF) is both a healthy cancer preventative, and will take weight off quickly. Just not eating from wake-up to noon is a great start (because you are fasting from say, 8pm the night before until noon the next day).

Good luck to you and your DH, OP!

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the advice, everyone! This has been super helpful.

Luckily he isn’t really a snacker or nighttime eater, and we don’t really have junk food in the house. He’s not someone who eats super unhealthy foods.

To be honest with you, I think he’s just someone who has a really bad metabolism. In the past, when he’s lost a lot of weight and kept it off for a little while, it’s been with intense exercise (like 6-mile runs 6 days a week).

This latest weight gain came in part because he stopped exercising when we had our daughter and then injured himself twice when he tried to start back up with running. He has a long history of being a solid runner, so it’s his go to exercise, and now I think he’s scared to start again, for fear of hurting himself again.

I’ve encouraged him to see a physical trainer, but I think he’s embarrassed. Instead, he’s been going on very long power walks. I know that’s not enough, but I think we’re going to have to take this whole thing one step at a time.