Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?
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Anonymous
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I’m the OW with the 10 year affair. I didn’t write any of the things above. Maybe now I understand why he used me so so many years. Some of these BW are really wretched and mean.
I just fell in love with someone who I had known for a long time and once it started it was impossible to stop. My marriage has its own set of problems and rather than face them, I created a fantasy to escape. The OM is a narcissist and the trauma bonding was like an addiction. I’m not well emotionally. But I realize I’m a pathetic woman. |
Anonymous
| Anger |
Anonymous
You weren’t used. You were an ACTIVE participant in 10 years of cheating on your own husband with someone else’s. Quit playing the victim. You will never get healthy unless you own up to your moral failings and responsibility for the decade long affair—and you stated you were actively trying to get him to leave his marriage even when he had said he had no desire to. I’m glad it’s finally over for you, but please stop playing the victim. You were an active player and manipulative as well. |
Anonymous
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That’s exactly what I did. Own up to it. I say used me because we used each other.
Stop your hate and anger for other women. You’re just as sick as everyone else. |
Anonymous
Nothing I said was hateful in the prior post. A common trait of cheaters is to blame others. They tend to be selfish and see themselves as victims. Your prior post reads as someone blaming the man for everything when you were acting like a wife and doing “airport pickups and everything you could for him”. I’m glad you realize you were using each other and both at fault. That’s the start of change. Perhaps you will not do it again if you learn enough about it in therapy. |
Anonymous
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Yes. Saying your AP was a narcissist and evil when you actively tried to get him to marry you for 10 years comes off as a cop out.
And just yesterday you were going to drive to his house and dump mementos of the affair at his family’s doorstep. It’s really hard to see you as a victim. What I notice is the lack of thought for your own husband and children. It’s- oh he dumped me so now I appreciate them after 10 years. It’s not authentic. |
Anonymous
| Wait, does the 10 year affair AP OW have children? Oy vey. |
Anonymous
You’re such a foul little dummy. The OW who apparently was with someone’s DH for a decade has chimed in. What I wrote was true, and I’m glad that the betrayed she-beast with the slut DH is as miserable as she quite obviously is, as a neat little bit of symmetry to what she posted here. And yes, you and she are terribly piggish. I’m sick of the unanswered crap some betrayed wives post here that effectively attack many other women, who don’t and haven’t cheated. It’s gross, just like you! |
Anonymous
You think people cheat out of anger? Why? Do they realize this? A lot of them want to stay in marriages. |
Anonymous
DP. Nobody believes for a minute you aren’t an OW or former jilted OW. The fact you are so full of vitriol is a tell. Fwiw, Nobody is the “Patron Saint of OW” as you deem yourself to be. That’s not a position that anyone wants to hold. Oh yes. I am the Patron Saint of Child abusers or the Patton Saint of Shoplifters,,, give me a break. |
Anonymous
| Banging strange is fun. |
Anonymous
How was he manipulating them? Your posts are interesting but confusing. |
Anonymous
So beyond being unusually and aggressively stupid, you’re confused about patron sainthood. I see! I’m not any of the things you wish me to be. I’m so tired of the slams that miserable betrayed women toss at others in order to spare their douchelord husbands; it’s flat out misogyny and the fact that you and your fellow misery heifers lean on that so hard is a tell on you, and not on anyone else. The only reasonable conclusion is that the betrayed poster is responsible for much of her misery. It is what it is. |
Anonymous
It's a running theme for certain posters to cry 'misogyny, misogyny!' whenever they as women engage in awful behavior. Tearing apart married women who are victims of cheating would likely classify. Cheating and lying and causing ill will and then hiding under the cover of 'misogyny!!!', not so much. If you want to sink to the level of cheating men, you are going to have to grow thicker skin. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors. It has been consistently frowned upon by the masses, across decades and demographics. Adultery is less popular than cloning humans, polygamy, suicide, abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to a Gallup poll conducted last May. A potential for explosive impact and collateral damage may keep adultery at the bottom of the list, experts told the Deseret News. Infidelity “seemingly has a larger ripple effect than other things like cloning or abortion. It continues to painfully impact a family as they interact at family events and have to raise children together. It affects the lives of children and the extended family as well,” said Kristin Hodson, therapist and founder of Salt Lake-based The Healing Group, who co-wrote “Real Intimacy: A Couples’ Guide to Healthy, Genuine Sexuality.” Many people — the adult who as a child saw the fallout from a parent’s affair, the boyfriend or girlfriend who was cheated on, the spouse who feels betrayed — have wounds from infidelity, said Hodson. It is not a distant concept, but something raw: “It’s an issue that hits close to home for many that often is surrounded by a lot of pain,” she said. https://www.timesonline.com/story/lifestyle/around-town/2014/06/17/americans-like-adultery-less-than/18479356007/ |
Anonymous
It's poor coping skills and missing the empathy chip. And, yes, that a lot of times that includes anger. The things they do to try to repress the anger, rage and self-hatred--drinking, cheating, etc. |