Sex therapy?
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Anonymous
| DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex. |
Anonymous
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OP, maybe you could at least up the frequency to 2x per month. That would save you a lot of time and money on a therapist and you might even enjoy it. That seems like a good compromise for the person you chose to live your life with.
It's not that much of a sacrifice even if you have three young kids. It might even be a nice escape for all of your mommy martyring. |
Anonymous
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OP, a sex therapist isn't going to badger you for more sex with your DH. That's not their job. A marriage counselor might do that but I'm not sure.
A sex therapist deals with sexual issues between you two but this isn't necessarily sex related...it's a relationship issue |
Anonymous
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How old is the youngest? Younger than 2 and it might still just be a "dry spell." Older than 2, and this is probably the "new normal" unless you actively try to change the status quo.
(But, to answer your question - no direct experience with a sex therapist. My wife & I went to a marriage therapist for a few months and we both found him really unhelpful. What ended up helping was for us to adjust our priority list and ditch some of the obligations that weren't strictly necessary in favor of just spending some time together.) |
Anonymous
| Your husband will eventually cheat on you or divorce you if you’re only doing it once a month, so you better do something to turn that around. |
Anonymous
| Try for once a week. It should be possible to fit in 30 minutes somewhere. |
Anonymous
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OP I am a woman and I am not a poster that says you have an obligation to have sex with your husband. I'm not OMG or anyone who thinks your husband has a right to cheat on you if you don't have sex, just, disclaimer. I dislike all those posters!
Sex is important. Not just to men or just to women, but generally, sex is what makes him your husband and not your friend. And some people (I count myself as one of these people) do not feel romantically connected to their spouse without it. It is important to see this as the core issue. If your husband feels loved via sex, and you never have sex with him, he will feel less loved. That will grow. And if you never even try to fix it, the damage that your relationships suffers as a result will be partially your fault. No one is owed sex, just like no one is owed anything. Gifts at the holidays, kind words, hugs, kisses at night, picking up chores, no one owes anyone any of that. But we do those things to show our spouse we love them. If you love your spouse and want to have a successful marriage, then you will see this as a cancer in your relationship. One that might not kill you in the short term but if left untreated will continue to grow. Being a mom to three young kids is overwheming (I am right there with you!) but if you forget your marriage while your kids are young you run the risk of not being able to find it when they grow up. If your husband is otherwise a jerk and there are reasons you don't want to have sex with him that have to do with major issues YOU have with the relationship, than that is just a different form of relationship cancer. Whether the cause is benign or insidious, it still needs to be confronted. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you want to have sex with him? A sex therapist may or may not be the right answer, depending on what the issue is. |
Anonymous
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It's really quite normal for women to not want to have sex anymore. One third of women report zero sexual desire.
The only issue is that you are in a committed relationship. Do you want your husband to remain monogamous? Serious question, many people really are fine with their spouse discretely taking care of things if they don't upset the apple cart. Sex once a month is really low, but importantly your DH is unhappy. Agree that this likely ends with an affair or divorce. No idea if a sex therapist will help, if it were so simple to rev up a woman's sex drive, someone would be a billionaire and the divorce attorney industry would go bankrupt. |
Anonymous
| Three young kids means you’re still young and being “content” with sex once a month means you are just taking one for the team. Even with 3 kids and two careers you should be able to find 30 minutes twice a week for sex but it sounds like you have no desire. This will not end well for you so do something or face the consequences. |
Anonymous
I never understood that outlook- would those women be happy with DH owing chid support or introducing their children to their new step sibling? |
Anonymous
why do you think so many women turn a blind eye to infidelity. Not everyone cares |
Anonymous
| It's a lock that "about once a month" means that some months go by with no action. Poor guy. |
Anonymous
I'm sure most who think they don't care would if DH gets hit with a paternity suit |
Anonymous
My former wife proposed this thinking it would make things better for both of us. And while it is really easy to meet women who want to have sex with me as a divorced dad with 50/50 custody, the same wasn't true when I still wanted to haul home from work every night to be there with the kids every night for dinner, baths, story time, weekends doing home projects, etc. |