Sex therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

We’re think about sex 24/7 - constantly. Capiche?

How accurate is the above?

I thought that it's a myth.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Sorry to hijack, but I think this is also relevant.

What if your husband never does anything to make you want to have sex with him? Is nice to you. Caring. A good husband, friend and father. But has gradually over many years totally stopped doing anything that might kindle a flame, doesn’t know how to touch you the way you like to be touched—even after YEARS of telling and showing, just basically wants to have sex randomly when he’s done nothing to make you interested. Has let himself go. (But honestly so have I...so I can’t really blame him, although it seems to matter more to me). I tried sometimes to do it to make him happy because I felt guilty. We were “supposed” to have sex. But after I cried silently a few times and hid it from him (because he would have stopped if he knew I was hating it), I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. For the people who just lie back and think of England, are your husbands really okay with you being starfish? I don’t know how to do that. My husband wants me to enjoy myself yet does nothing that turns me on. So what do you do? Especially when you’ve talked about it three hundred times?


Your sex issues are a symptom not the cause of your struggles. You have a crappy husband.


This is it. The rest of the relationship needs to be good for sex to occur. PP you need to find a new husband!

I dont think you are reading the PP correctly. SHe is saying her husband is 'caring, a good husband and father." HIs flaw is that he doesn't know how to turn on his wife, and has ignored or is unable to touch her in the way she wants to be touched. This seems like its basic sexual incompatability and this is a case where sex therapy might work--she wants to have sex in a certain way. He wants to have sex. Shouldn't be that hard, but sounds like it is, for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Or maybe help her more so she's NOT exhausted at the end of the day. Why is he not helping more with the kids??????

I don't know how much he is or isn't helping with the kids, but ultimately it won't matter to their sex life. There are plenty of empty-nesters not having much sex. There are a million ways to fill up a day, and if she doesn't want to have sex with her husband, she'll always find ways to be too busy

This. It’s really simple - people who want and value sex make time, and people who don’t make excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

We’re think about sex 24/7 - constantly. Capiche?

How accurate is the above?

I thought that it's a myth.

Not a myth for me. I’m 54M and think about sex constantly, as in MULTIPLE times per hour. I almost think I’m thinking about sec sex more than I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

We use that term. Stick it in. Just do it. Many women don't feel like it with their husbands but you do it out of love, not obligation. And to keep him faithful. Once a week, 15 minutes and check it off the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

We use that term. Stick it in. Just do it. Many women don't feel like it with their husbands but you do it out of love, not obligation. And to keep him faithful. Once a week, 15 minutes and check it off the list.

There are times I’m not interested after a long day of work, kids, whatever but he is such a great husband that I rarely say no and when I do he understands. But when I say yes I never regret it because he really cares about what I want and he is very skillful. Once he gets me going I’m not thinking about what a rough day it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

We use that term. Stick it in. Just do it. Many women don't feel like it with their husbands but you do it out of love, not obligation. And to keep him faithful. Once a week, 15 minutes and check it off the list.

That would not keep me faithful. That would not make me feel loved.

We only do it once a week but it's usually exciting, thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

We’re think about sex 24/7 - constantly. Capiche?

How accurate is the above?

I thought that it's a myth.

Not a myth for me. I’m 54M and think about sex constantly, as in MULTIPLE times per hour. I almost think I’m thinking about sec sex more than I’m not.

How much do women's sex drives compare to that of men? So, is a woman with a high sex drive equivalent to the average man's sex drive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

We use that term. Stick it in. Just do it. Many women don't feel like it with their husbands but you do it out of love, not obligation. And to keep him faithful. Once a week, 15 minutes and check it off the list.

I would much rather jerk off. A wife just letting her husband use her body as a masturbatory tool is degrading for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

You’re content once a month....how wonderful! Please don’t use the I’ve got three young kids excuse as we are all busy but most of us find the time. It only takes 15-30 minutes! Turn off Netflix! Why not just admit that you don’t enjoy sex or at least you don’t enjoy it with your husband. Start with being honest with yourself and then go on from there.

Just do it. Wtf.

I have a full time jobs and kids...and let him stick it in. Is it that difficult?

We use that term. Stick it in. Just do it. Many women don't feel like it with their husbands but you do it out of love, not obligation. And to keep him faithful. Once a week, 15 minutes and check it off the list.

I would much rather jerk off. A wife just letting her husband use her body as a masturbatory tool is degrading for everyone.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

We’re think about sex 24/7 - constantly. Capiche?

How accurate is the above?

I thought that it's a myth.

Not a myth for me. I’m 54M and think about sex constantly, as in MULTIPLE times per hour. I almost think I’m thinking about sec sex more than I’m not.

I'm 38. Are there days that, when the opportunity for sex or masturbation presents, I'm tired or stressed and not up for it? Sure.

But is there a single day that I'm not thinking about sex multiple times a day? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

What happens is the low libido ex wife finds her desire when she meets a new guy she’s excited about. Happens every time. She’s not tired of sex generally. Just with her husband.

es, as that same wife couldn't shed those extra 50 pounds through many years, she will shed them in a few months once divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

We’re think about sex 24/7 - constantly. Capiche?

How accurate is the above?

I thought that it's a myth.

Not a myth for me. I’m 54M and think about sex constantly, as in MULTIPLE times per hour. I almost think I’m thinking about sec sex more than I’m not.

How much do women's sex drives compare to that of men? So, is a woman with a high sex drive equivalent to the average man's sex drive?

Perhaps a cRaZy high drive woman might equal your average man
Did you really not know this? How old are you?