Sex therapy?

[Anonymous]

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don't even want to try so don't waste the time and money. But be honest with your husband, that his wants and needs don't matter to you. Let him decide what to do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Oh good. The red pillers are here. Should he "push through" her token resistance? Should he neg her? She he cultivate jealousy?

Hit the gym & don't beg for sex, sure. But the rest is basically bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Oh good. The red pillers are here. Should he "push through" her token resistance? Should he neg her? She he cultivate jealousy?

Hit the gym & don't beg for sex, sure. But the rest is basically bullshit.

Nope, there will be no “token resistance” if she truly desires you. Neg? The 90’s called and they want their terminology back Cultivate jealousy? Nope, women will do that naturally if (here’s a “red pill” term for ya) his SMV is above hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really quite normal for women to not want to have sex anymore. One third of women report zero sexual desire.

The only issue is that you are in a committed relationship. Do you want your husband to remain monogamous? Serious question, many people really are fine with their spouse discretely taking care of things if they don't upset the apple cart.

I never understood that outlook- would those women be happy with DH owing chid support or introducing their children to their new step sibling?

why do you think so many women turn a blind eye to infidelity. Not everyone cares

I'm sure most who think they don't care would if DH gets hit with a paternity suit

My DH has had a vasectomy, so it is not a risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with PP, and I say that as someone who cheated and can admit I was wrong. Like they said, my spouse who stopped having sex with me. It wasn't just a libido issue. If there was love and respect, there would have been sex. Instead it was my spouses way of being passive aggressive and denying me something I needed to be happy.

We were both wrong.

Did you ever ask your wife why she was lacking in love and respect for you? Is it possible that there is something about how your personality/character has changed over the years that has affected her love and respect for you? Is there something about the way you treat her; in other words, does she feel that you treat her with love and respect, that you care deeply about her for who she is?

Sometimes, people don’t communicate well with each other. Misunderstandings happen, and the next thing you know, one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them or love them anymore. Talking and really listening can make a difference if two people can really have trust in each other.

Yes, I asked repeatedly, she never gave a reason for her libido tanking. we had at least a dozen conversations. I am sure there was something, but I can't fix what I don't know. I am sure some of it was just natural loss of desire that most women have after a decade of marriage and kids

Then get marriage counseling and work on your communication with each other. It’s less likely to be lack of desire in general than it is lack of desire for you. You need to find out why. Maybe she doesn’t feel loved by you or that you don’t care about her the way you used to. You both need to put in the effort to find out why.

Women need to feel loved to want to make love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

I have to say I tried all that once and it had zero effect. it's hard to accept but some people just become asexual over time. It does help your confidence of course and its easier to find an AP if that's your preference.

[Anonymous]

Once a month! That’s horrible and I wouldn’t want to me married to you. Once a week is barely enough. We all have kids, not an excuse!

Woman here

[Anonymous]

Do you still want to be married? I ask because I am in a similar spot as your DH. The whole idea of going to a therapist to try and talk your way into what should be a normal marriage is so freaking depressing. The truth about your marriage, mine and every other one where sex is once a month - the relationship has just run it's course and its time to move on. Stay together for the kids, I suppose, but why not free up your DH to go find it elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

DADT. Look it up, it saves a lot of marriages. Not many people who remain married 25 years into marriage are still faithful, and the ones that are have regular sex. Low sex marriages don't have to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

Most normal libido husbands find sex on the side which keeps these once-per-month room mate marriages going. Whether divorced or not, many low libido wives discover sexual interest for a new/exciting guy (definition: any male who isn’t her husband). But after a few months, he is not so new or exciting and she loses interest (... in him). Lather rinse repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is complaining about our sex life and wants us to see a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. He wants more, I’m content with it about once a month. We have three young kids. Anyone try this? Helpful or not? I don’t want to go to something where there is yet another person in addition to DH badgering me for more sex.

DADT. Look it up, it saves a lot of marriages. Not many people who remain married 25 years into marriage are still faithful, and the ones that are have regular sex. Low sex marriages don't have to end.

I'm a different poster. I looked it up but haven't found anything. What does it stand for and what is it about?

[Anonymous]

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

DH here, you will hate me but I will be honest- you are doomed. I did this for years, the constant chasing, her rejection, then I stopped chasing, we dwindled to once a month or less, then I cheated, and she caught me and we are in a really bad place.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have cheated. It's going to be really, really hard to repair this now.

Here's the part I never understood: how hard is it to carve out 30 minutes a week to be fully present with your DH sexually? I mean, tell him to take kids to the park, put them to bed, clean the whole house if you need it. Whatever it takes, he will jump through the hoop. I did, until it became clear it was a chore.

Good luck.

I'm always curious what happens years later in these situations. I get the impression that the ones who want more sex, find partners later that are a better match. But what happens to the exes with low desire? Do they find new partners and end up having more sex, too, or do they just end up alone and happily sexless?

What happens is the low libido ex wife finds her desire when she meets a new guy she’s excited about. Happens every time. She’s not tired of sex generally. Just with her husband.