DD’s butt pinched in the pool

[Anonymous]

Former 13-year old boy here. I bet they were standing around and one of them got the stupid idea to do this and dared one of the other boys to do it. It's because they are stupid and lack judgment, not because they are sexual predators.

I can imagine the father coming up and yelling at the boys and asking who did it. You think any boy will just fess up? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who have said it was important for DH to support DDs wishes in this moment. As another poster said, she wanted to be heard and supported, not ignored and defended against her wishes.

I understand the impulse to want to yell at the boys and it isn’t fair that they didn’t face consequences but retaining your daughters trust is so, so important. She knows that she can talk to DH and trust him to respect her. If he was to yell and make a scene against her will she would have felt humiliated and likely would not confide in him if this were to happen again.

Consequences for what? "The boys" didn't do anything wrong. One did, that doesn't mean they all face consequences.

Yes, they did. They surrounded the girl and created the opportunity for one of them to assault her.

Do think what they did was right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former 13-year old boy here. I bet they were standing around and one of them got the stupid idea to do this and dared one of the other boys to do it. It's because they are stupid and lack judgment, not because they are sexual predators.

I can imagine the father coming up and yelling at the boys and asking who did it. You think any boy will just fess up? No way.

Of course they wouldn’t but that’s no reason to not to let them all know they were wrong. Perhaps a few of them wouldn’t be so “stupid” next time and another 11 yr old girl would not have to suffer for their stupidity.

This was not harmless fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former 13-year old boy here. I bet they were standing around and one of them got the stupid idea to do this and dared one of the other boys to do it. It's because they are stupid and lack judgment, not because they are sexual predators.

I can imagine the father coming up and yelling at the boys and asking who did it. You think any boy will just fess up? No way.

Exactly. Stupid harmless prank.

The women on this board are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former 13-year old boy here. I bet they were standing around and one of them got the stupid idea to do this and dared one of the other boys to do it. It's because they are stupid and lack judgment, not because they are sexual predators.

I can imagine the father coming up and yelling at the boys and asking who did it. You think any boy will just fess up? No way.

Exactly. Stupid harmless prank.

The women on this board are nuts.

Pls tell us how you would explain your view to an 11 yr girl? Go ahead, tell that little girl that her embarrassment and humiliation are harmless fun. How would you word that? Look her in the eye when you say it.

[Anonymous]

You should complain to the board and get those boys banned from the pool.

[Anonymous]

Dear God. It's a butt. Everyone is so sad and angry because every Mole hill is turned into a mountain.

Now is a good learning opportunity about how to confront people and talk about what your boundaries are. But I disagree with the posters who think she should feel victimized here. Infact, I would applaud her for being so resilient and keeping things in perspective. It wasn't right. It's her body and no one has a right to touch it without her permission.
But an immature fool showed off to his stupid friends by pinching a butt. Meh. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I really can’t believe some of the posters on here.

Do you really think it’s harmless fun if *you* were surrounded by a group of larger men, and when you tried to escape, one grabbed your butt?

I was assaulted at the pool as a pre-teen, and it often starts with a butt pinch or something just as “innocent”. As boys learn they can get away with it, they push for more and more. Most of my female friends have similar stories.

My H is LEO, and you bet he would take this seriously and teach those boys a lesson they wouldn’t forget. He sees the predators they grow into every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear God. It's a butt. Everyone is so sad and angry because every Mole hill is turned into a mountain.

Now is a good learning opportunity about how to confront people and talk about what your boundaries are. But I disagree with the posters who think she should feel victimized here. Infact, I would applaud her for being so resilient and keeping things in perspective. It wasn't right. It's her body and no one has a right to touch it without her permission.
But an immature fool showed off to his stupid friends by pinching a butt. Meh. Life goes on.

Now is a good opportunity to confront people - the boys - and tell them where their boundaries are. Once again, the victim has to learn to defend. Too bad this continues to be necessary - perhaps because boys were allowed to get away with this sort of behavior? But the opportunist doesn’t learn to keep his hands to himself.

[Anonymous]

I've beem groped on the metro. I was literally wearing a baby at the time. It is not a harmless orank and teaching 13 year old boys that it's okay results in those boys that grope or do worse in public.

[Anonymous]

Something similar to this happened to me in high school during PE swimming. A boy, who was already known to be a creep, made some contact with my butt while I was standing in the shallow end. He was wearing goggles so there's no way it was an accident...more like he was creeping underwater and stupidly got too close. I screamed and the teachers made him go elsewhere in the pool and it didnt happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar to this happened to me in high school during PE swimming. A boy, who was already known to be a creep, made some contact with my butt while I was standing in the shallow end. He was wearing goggles so there's no way it was an accident...more like he was creeping underwater and stupidly got too close. I screamed and the teachers made him go elsewhere in the pool and it didnt happen again.

This actually points out the quick best way for a women or girl to respond in these situations. Scream. Loud. Keep moving but scream. Think about what happens if she screams at that moment? Exactly what should happen. Being quiet serves no purpose. Screaming in these situations attacks help and attention. Guaranteed an important lesson is learned by the boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something similar to this happened to me in high school during PE swimming. A boy, who was already known to be a creep, made some contact with my butt while I was standing in the shallow end. He was wearing goggles so there's no way it was an accident...more like he was creeping underwater and stupidly got too close. I screamed and the teachers made him go elsewhere in the pool and it didnt happen again.

And that is a reasonable, appropriate reaction.

But posters in this thread are suggesting that OP's daughter should hit every boy in the surrounding area, or that her husband should approach every boy in the surrounding area and scream at them, or that every boy should be kicked out of the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something similar to this happened to me in high school during PE swimming. A boy, who was already known to be a creep, made some contact with my butt while I was standing in the shallow end. He was wearing goggles so there's no way it was an accident...more like he was creeping underwater and stupidly got too close. I screamed and the teachers made him go elsewhere in the pool and it didnt happen again.

And that is a reasonable, appropriate reaction.

But posters in this thread are suggesting that OP's daughter should hit every boy in the surrounding area, or that her husband should approach every boy in the surrounding area and scream at them, or that every boy should be kicked out of the pool.

It as a hotel pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should complain to the board and get those boys banned from the pool.

Again hotel pool.