DD’s butt pinched in the pool

[Anonymous]

OP while your daughter may not be at the pool now you need to talk to her. Tell her daddy made a humongous mistake and if someone ever touches her again she should scream at the top of her lungs. Tell anyone who will listen.

Teach her skills, teach her to tell, teach her to stand up for herself.

For god's sake OP protect her and teach her how to protect herself.

Her father is an idiot and honestly, he would not be coming home if he did not protect my kid. I'd throw his crap out on the lawn with him.

You failed OP your husband failed. Horrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who have said it was important for DH to support DDs wishes in this moment. As another poster said, she wanted to be heard and supported, not ignored and defended against her wishes.

I understand the impulse to want to yell at the boys and it isn’t fair that they didn’t face consequences but retaining your daughters trust is so, so important. She knows that she can talk to DH and trust him to respect her. If he was to yell and make a scene against her will she would have felt humiliated and likely would not confide in him if this were to happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your daughter and husband handled the situation very well. She had great instincts and did exactly the right things--she got away from the bullies, she told her dad right away when someone tried to harm her, and he listened to her and helped her leave the area.

Eleven is a great age to start practicing situational awareness. Whether it's always finding the exit when you go to a concert or deciding whether or not to get on that elevator at night--you're helping her build those skills she will need as a teen and young adult to keep herself safe.

Someone DID harm her and her daddy sent the message to her that she should hustle away and be embarrassed while the perpetrator gets off scot free.

Yes, perfect lesson.

Daddy? OP's daughter is 11, not 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who have said it was important for DH to support DDs wishes in this moment. As another poster said, she wanted to be heard and supported, not ignored and defended against her wishes.

I understand the impulse to want to yell at the boys and it isn’t fair that they didn’t face consequences but retaining your daughters trust is so, so important. She knows that she can talk to DH and trust him to respect her. If he was to yell and make a scene against her will she would have felt humiliated and likely would not confide in him if this were to happen again.

Consequences for what? "The boys" didn't do anything wrong. One did, that doesn't mean they all face consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

And you think that's ok? Only the boy that did would have known, since it happened underwater.

Same for the DH going back and screaming at all the boys. Many of you are forgetting that these are also still children. I'm not condoning pinching anyone's bottom, but if it's several kids and one does it underwater, the rest of them have no idea.

I don't care. 100% agree with the PP her 13 DD is way smarter than you are.

Those boys are 100% old enough to know what they did wrong. And if they are dumb enough to have a friend like this then so be it. My guess is it was not just one.

Her father should have told the management and gotten all the boys thrown out of the pool. If it was my daughter they would not be walking home. I would have called the police.

Her body not theirs!

Don't understand the parents who say confront that could easily spiral out of control. Report it yes. Start a confrontation no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

Well then you would have a big problem on your hands. You condone and encourage violence? OP said one of the kids did this and your DD is punching every kid and you think that’s going to be fine with those parents? You’re crazy and going to bring a shitstorm on yourself with that kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad should have screamed those kids out of the pool. I would have made a public spectacle and made sure everyone around knew exactly what happened. Then I’d have called the police. It is sexual assault and it needs to be called out. People have to stand up and stop hushing it up. Would dad have stood there if those kids punched his daughter?

I think this is too much. Would you do the same thing if it was a bunch of older girls who pinched a younger boy? Probably not. The teen girls at our pool constantly try to pull down the swim trunks of some of the younger boys to embarrass them. I’m not saying it’s right but I’ve never seen any of the parents of those kids intervene or scream or call it assault or call the police.

They should not be doing that! That is sexual assault and yes it’s not ok for girls to do that to boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, she chose how she wanted to handle it. She wanted to handle it by doing nothing. One time while I was waiting on a train platform, around age 40, two teenage boys walked by and one said something derogatory about my boobs. I did and said nothing, and I stand by that. He didn't hurt me, and he's the one who has to live with being a person who speaks like that to women. That's on him.

Could your daughter have kicked the boy in the balls? Sure, maybe. Could she have let your husband go over and yell at the boy and made a big stink and ruined DD's night and caused her to remember it as The Vacation Where Daddy Made a Big Deal Out of Something Small and Embarrassed Me? Sure. She chose. Drop it.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who have said it was important for DH to support DDs wishes in this moment. As another poster said, she wanted to be heard and supported, not ignored and defended against her wishes.

I understand the impulse to want to yell at the boys and it isn’t fair that they didn’t face consequences but retaining your daughters trust is so, so important. She knows that she can talk to DH and trust him to respect her. If he was to yell and make a scene against her will she would have felt humiliated and likely would not confide in him if this were to happen again.

This is my feeling as well. If dad went against her wishes then he would be violating her confidence in him and she may not go to him in future situations. I was very shy at that age and I think I would have been traumatized if I confided something like that to a parent who then went against my wishes.

That said, I liked something a PP said about making this an ongoing lesson. As a family they can discuss how in the moment dad wanted to respect her decision, but that in the future mom and dad want to encourage her to speak up (or allow an adult to do so). Reinforce that those boys were absolutely in the wrong and this type of behavior deserves repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP while your daughter may not be at the pool now you need to talk to her. Tell her daddy made a humongous mistake and if someone ever touches her again she should scream at the top of her lungs. Tell anyone who will listen.

Teach her skills, teach her to tell, teach her to stand up for herself.

For god's sake OP protect her and teach her how to protect herself.

Her father is an idiot and honestly, he would not be coming home if he did not protect my kid. I'd throw his crap out on the lawn with him.

You failed OP your husband failed. Horrible parenting.

Wow! Drama QUEEN!!

What a stupid bit** you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who have said it was important for DH to support DDs wishes in this moment. As another poster said, she wanted to be heard and supported, not ignored and defended against her wishes.

I understand the impulse to want to yell at the boys and it isn’t fair that they didn’t face consequences but retaining your daughters trust is so, so important. She knows that she can talk to DH and trust him to respect her. If he was to yell and make a scene against her will she would have felt humiliated and likely would not confide in him if this were to happen again.

This is my feeling as well. If dad went against her wishes then he would be violating her confidence in him and she may not go to him in future situations. I was very shy at that age and I think I would have been traumatized if I confided something like that to a parent who then went against my wishes.

That said, I liked something a PP said about making this an ongoing lesson. As a family they can discuss how in the moment dad wanted to respect her decision, but that in the future mom and dad want to encourage her to speak up (or allow an adult to do so). Reinforce that those boys were absolutely in the wrong and this type of behavior deserves repercussions.

+1000000

Solid advice.

[Anonymous]

Often there are hotel cameras in the pool area. It may not be too late to go back and identify the boys. But notify them quickly so they can save it.

[Anonymous]

Now that your DH was alerted, I bet he is watching out for groups of boys and would stand near DD so they would not try something with a witness. If you go out to dinner afterwards and one of the boys in the pack is seated next to your table and tries to brush past DD, then your DH is on the alert. It seems like DH did not do anything, but I bet you he is has his radar on and ready to speak to the parents or stop anything else from happening. It is very useful that your DD said something, and that DH heard her and respected her, even if you did not see an immediate angry scene from DH at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a family, read Fighting Words by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley and Maybe He Just Likes You by Barbara Dee. Discuss. (FW is fantastic as a anudiobook…you can listen to it in the car when you drive home.

At what age is this appropriate to listen to? I have an 11 yr old DD and 14 yr old DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my 13 yr old DD what she would've done, and she said she would've screamed bloody murder and hit every single one of the boys since she wouldn't know which one did it. I asked her if she would be embarrassed by it, and she said she would be more angry than embarrassed.

And you think that's ok? Only the boy that did would have known, since it happened underwater.

Same for the DH going back and screaming at all the boys. Many of you are forgetting that these are also still children. I'm not condoning pinching anyone's bottom, but if it's several kids and one does it underwater, the rest of them have no idea.

I don't care. 100% agree with the PP her 13 DD is way smarter than you are.

Those boys are 100% old enough to know what they did wrong. And if they are dumb enough to have a friend like this then so be it. My guess is it was not just one.

Her father should have told the management and gotten all the boys thrown out of the pool. If it was my daughter they would not be walking home. I would have called the police.

Her body not theirs!

+1. It's not DD that should have been embarrassed here, and it's not a court of law. I am fine with her not giving them due process in this situation. It's disgusting behavior and should not be condoned or tolerated by anyone, and if a girl is comfortable making a scene in this kind of case, I support her.