Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This presumably was hammered out in the divorce decree.

But hilarious that adult children who couldn't bring themselves to dad's funeral now what to cry foul that dad left money to step grandkids (not OP but OP's kids).

Divorce decrees do not normally handle inheritances for children.

[Anonymous]

This guy wanted a fight between OP and his kids. Otherwise, he could have left it all to his wife and told her to set up a trust for the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much projection on this thread! We have no idea who cut ties or why, whether the children ever attempted to reconcile or whether it's even reasonable to put those expectations on them. If the dad was in the wrong, for example, the burden is on him to attempt to make amends with his children. Why would that lie with the kids?

Anyway, I have been in OP's situation, but on the other side. My estranged father died and left nothing to me or my siblings. We hadn't seen him for over 30 years. He stopped coming to see us after the divorce was final and we've never heard from him since. He remarried shortly after the divorce and has a step-child. I didn't expect to inherit anything because I had zero expectations of him. He made it clear that, for whatever reason, he wanted nothing to do with us. I assume he left it all to his wife, maybe his step-son. I have no idea. Contesting the will wasn't something I spent much time considering.

OP, I don't think you have any obligation to your step-siblings. Your step-father can leave his money to whomever he wants. But just know that the death of an estranged parent can be surprisingly hard. You may be bearing the brunt of their grief. Being left out of the will may feel like a final F-you from their dad. You don't owe them any explanation in terms of the inheritance, and you certainly shouldn't put up with disrespect or harassment, but you should try to be as gracious as possible in responding to them.

It doesn’t really matter if fault for the estrangement lies with the father, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much projection on this thread! We have no idea who cut ties or why, whether the children ever attempted to reconcile or whether it's even reasonable to put those expectations on them. If the dad was in the wrong, for example, the burden is on him to attempt to make amends with his children. Why would that lie with the kids?

Anyway, I have been in OP's situation, but on the other side. My estranged father died and left nothing to me or my siblings. We hadn't seen him for over 30 years. He stopped coming to see us after the divorce was final and we've never heard from him since. He remarried shortly after the divorce and has a step-child. I didn't expect to inherit anything because I had zero expectations of him. He made it clear that, for whatever reason, he wanted nothing to do with us. I assume he left it all to his wife, maybe his step-son. I have no idea. Contesting the will wasn't something I spent much time considering.

OP, I don't think you have any obligation to your step-siblings. Your step-father can leave his money to whomever he wants. But just know that the death of an estranged parent can be surprisingly hard. You may be bearing the brunt of their grief. Being left out of the will may feel like a final F-you from their dad. You don't owe them any explanation in terms of the inheritance, and you certainly shouldn't put up with disrespect or harassment, but you should try to be as gracious as possible in responding to them.

This! I everyone here is grieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy wanted a fight between OP and his kids. Otherwise, he could have left it all to his wife and told her to set up a trust for the grandkids.

+1. This is a massive FU to his bio kids. A more typical scenario would be that he leaves everything to his wife. Then it would eventually be her fault that his bio family is disinherited. OP, it is odd that he skipped you and his bio kids completely to only leave $ to your children. My guess is that he is not that nice of a guy and his kids had a reason for steering clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy wanted a fight between OP and his kids. Otherwise, he could have left it all to his wife and told her to set up a trust for the grandkids.

+1. This is a massive FU to his bio kids. A more typical scenario would be that he leaves everything to his wife. Then it would eventually be her fault that his bio family is disinherited. OP, it is odd that he skipped you and his bio kids completely to only leave $ to your children. My guess is that he is not that nice of a guy and his kids had a reason for steering clear.

DP. I don't think it's odd at all. It sounds like he hasn't had a relationship with his kids in decades; why would he leave them anything? And OP' kids are his only grandkids and have had that relationship to him for their entire lives - it's natural for him to want to take care of them. Many grandparent skip a generation, and in fact there can be significant tax advantages to doing so (obviously I have no idea if that was the case here, of course). His adult children have no business harassing a stranger over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow!
At this point we do not know the truth in both sides but we do know he left a hot mess for his step daughter and grandkids to deal with. That’s says a lot about his character. He could have at least talked to the OP about his plan when he drew up his will.
What a jerky thing to do.

This.

You don’t create legal problems for your grandkids if you love them.

There is no mess to clean up. Guarantee if they talk to a Lawyer about contesting it, they will say no case there

[Anonymous]

Op, whatever you do... please report back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may contest the will, then you will need to lawyer up. I'd come to an amicable solution that involves giving them some money.

No. Get a lawyer. Ignore their calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd contest that will too. The 3 kids should have been equal inheritors and you could leave yours to the kids. Or at least his kids should have been equal to yours. He was a bad dad to them and owes them

No way. And I say this as a child of the first marriage, 1 of 3 kids, who will get $0 from our estranged father.

All will go to his second wife and their kid. Just as she planned it all along.

A person does not "owe" any one of their kids their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy wanted a fight between OP and his kids. Otherwise, he could have left it all to his wife and told her to set up a trust for the grandkids.

+1. This is a massive FU to his bio kids. A more typical scenario would be that he leaves everything to his wife. Then it would eventually be her fault that his bio family is disinherited. OP, it is odd that he skipped you and his bio kids completely to only leave $ to your children. My guess is that he is not that nice of a guy and his kids had a reason for steering clear.

My guess is that OP's kids were the only ones who gave this guy the time of day. Good for him to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

I would hold off on seeing a lawyer, especially since the money was left to your children and can not be accessed until they are 21. If they actually contest the will, then you can lawyer up. But, it is possible that part of his estate can not be left to your mother or to your children per his divorce decree. It is also possible that his adult children could argue undue influence from your mother or someone else (doesn't seem like his kids have any other arguments for contesting the will).

Does he have natural grandchildren through his biological children. It is interesting to me that he skipped you and set up a trust for your children.

This is terrible advice. Sitting on your rights, so to speak, or not even understanding them fully, is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

It’s not OP’s money to be generous with. If I were OP I would 100% tell them to get lost.

I would not want to be a weapon in a dead man’s continuing war on his kids.

This. I would give them their part unless they were evil or criminals or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

It’s not OP’s money to be generous with. If I were OP I would 100% tell them to get lost.

I would not want to be a weapon in a dead man’s continuing war on his kids.

This. I would give them their part unless they were evil or criminals or something.

What constitutes "their part"? And please explain how the OP would give them their "part" when it's not her money to give?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

It’s not OP’s money to be generous with. If I were OP I would 100% tell them to get lost.

I would not want to be a weapon in a dead man’s continuing war on his kids.

This. I would give them their part unless they were evil or criminals or something.

What constitutes "their part"? And please explain how the OP would give them their "part" when it's not her money to give?

+1. How much of the money that OP's children have inherited through a legal trust from their apparently loving grandfather should she drain to send to the strangers who have been writing her nasty emails? How much of her own money would you like her to put into hiring a lawyer to break the trust to accomplish this in contravention of the grantor's intent? Or perhaps you are suggesting that the decedent's grieving widow should give up the money that she inherited from her husband of 20 years?