Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

I was raised by a single mom. She got married when I was in my late twenties and already married. My relationship with her husband was cordial but not close. However, our two teenage DCs spent a lot of time with my mom and her husband (they live a few states away). Her husband recently passed away. He had two adult children about my age, no grandchildren. I met one of them once and never met the other. He divorced their mother when the younger one finished high school. I never knew the story of the divorce, only heard snippets from my mom (who always acknowledged she only knew one side of the story) - that he was the sole provider pretty much the whole time, that his wife did not treat him well, that he stayed for the sake of the kids but that when he finally left the kids took their mother's side and basically wanted nothing to do with him after the divorce. All I can say is that for over 20 years he and my mom were together they were happy and he treated her very well.

Anyway, I have just found out that he left half his money to my mom and half of it in trust to my kids (high six figures each). We are not poor, but this would certainly give my kids a better start in life and more choices. I have been getting lots of angry calls and emails from his kids. I kind of get their point of view but I want to get them to get lost. Should I?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, "tell them to get lost".

[Anonymous]

They may contest the will, then you will need to lawyer up. I'd come to an amicable solution that involves giving them some money.

[Anonymous]

I think you should talk to a lawyer. It's perfectly legal to disinherit your adult children, but that doesn't mean it won't be contested. I would not respond to them.

[Anonymous]

You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

This.

[Anonymous]

Curious how his dc can fight this? He was married and married for 20 years! What legal leg do they have to stand on? Can you not leave your money to whomever you want? I can see if these dc were minors. Also, could not the current wife say… in 20 yrs they had no relationship with their dad even though he tried.

Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

I think what the step dad did is kind of rotten, but it wasn’t OP’s choice. It’s kind of a tricky situation for OP. She didn’t choose this-it just happened to her.

That being said, I would never disinherit my children, no matter what they did to me.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want them to get lost?!?!? Are they bad people? Criminals? It’s terrible that he disinherited his kids, OP. I would share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should talk to a lawyer. It's perfectly legal to disinherit your adult children, but that doesn't mean it won't be contested. I would not respond to them.

I agree with this. Don't do anything without consulting a trusts and estates lawyer, who can advise on the implications of any action.

[Anonymous]

I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

My parents had a very ugly divorce and one of my siblings has sided with my mom and refused to see my dad for 20 years. I’m executor of my dads estate and he still provides for all his kids to split his estate equally, including the estranged child. My dad doesn’t take the estrangement personally and understands there are forces in play that are bigger than him (personality disorders, toxic family dynamics). He loves all his kids regardless of what they do for him. And I also think he would never want bad feelings between his kids. He loves us all and always will, no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a single mom. She got married when I was in my late twenties and already married. My relationship with her husband was cordial but not close. However, our two teenage DCs spent a lot of time with my mom and her husband (they live a few states away). Her husband recently passed away. He had two adult children about my age, no grandchildren. I met one of them once and never met the other. He divorced their mother when the younger one finished high school. I never knew the story of the divorce, only heard snippets from my mom (who always acknowledged she only knew one side of the story) - that he was the sole provider pretty much the whole time, that his wife did not treat him well, that he stayed for the sake of the kids but that when he finally left the kids took their mother's side and basically wanted nothing to do with him after the divorce. All I can say is that for over 20 years he and my mom were together they were happy and he treated her very well.

Anyway, I have just found out that he left half his money to my mom and half of it in trust to my kids (high six figures each). We are not poor, but this would certainly give my kids a better start in life and more choices. I have been getting lots of angry calls and emails from his kids. I kind of get their point of view but I want to get them to get lost. Should I?

They were married for 20 years, wouldn't his money be her money when he dies? What claim do they have to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

NP
He left them (their mom and them) for another woman/family.