Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

Your mother's late husband can leave his estate to whoever he wants to. His children can contest it but unless they can prove he was mentally incapable they have little to stand on. In terms of giving them something you may not have anything to give if the trust speculates that your kids can not access it for a number of years. The trust trustee can certainly weight in. If they continue to reach out to you refer them to your attorney. Do not engage!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

I think what the step dad did is kind of rotten, but it wasn’t OP’s choice. It’s kind of a tricky situation for OP. She didn’t choose this-it just happened to her.

That being said, I would never disinherit my children, no matter what they did to me.

I completely agree with this - your stepfather sounds terrible for doing this, but not your fault OP, and I would
never do what your stepfather did to his bio children.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't know what advice to give, op. All I can say it to be gracious and polite and understanding. That might go a long way to create goodwill on the step FIL's bio kids.
I am not saying give them the money, but ask yourself how would you feel in their shoes. Their side of the story is likely very, very different from the version you got.
In any situation, I find that starting from a point of view that is generous, accepting and gracious, is the best course of action. That doesn't mean that they will act the same, but at the end of the day when you go to bed, what will make you sleep without any regrets?

Yes, but that only gets you so far given that we already know how they chose to act. If I were completely blindsided by being disinherited, I would be hurt, and angry at the person who disinherited me. (That's a big if, here, because at least on OP's understanding these kids knew they weren't close to the father -- they didn't send flowers or show up at his funeral!) So how would I respond in that situation? I might meditate, complain to my spouse, complain to my therapist, punch a pillow. What I would not do is harass the mother of the step-siblings who got a windfall. But that's what these crazies are doing to the poor OP.

I mean, seriously, if they showed up and physically assaulted OP, would we be saying, "put yourself in their shoes"?

+1. There are a ton of bizarrely angry, entitled people on this thread. I don't have the faintest idea how my parents, grandparents, or ILs plan to leave their money and I don't care. I won't care if I get nothing and I won't care if it all goes to someone else. In fact, I've told my parents to leave what they have (which isn't a huge estate by any means) to my sibling because they need it more. My plan has always been to take care of myself. There are literally zero circumstances under which I would be harassing my estranged father's widow and her kid because I was angry that my estranged father decided to leave his money to his grandkids. This behavior is trash and the fact that so many of you seem to sympathize with it is disturbing.

OK, this is is bizarre on its own way. Or perhaps you have so much that you don't care.

Why do you find this bizarre? My parents will probably die without a ton of money and my ILs will probably die with a lot of money, but in both cases it hopefully/likely won't happen until I'm in my 50s or older (I'm 38 now and they're in their 60s/70s). I keep my own financial house in order and am planning for my own retirement and end of life care. I don't need anyone else's money and what they decide to do with their money and stuff after death is their affair, not mine. I find it odd that so many people take this so personally.

really? being disinherited by your parent as a final f-you is kind of a big deal. I’m resigned to it personally, but it’s still really messed up. and no, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. the only upside is that knowing I’m disinherited removes any residual thread of guilt or obligation.

yeah, this is just so ridiculous. two things can both be true 1) parents have the right to do what they want with their money; one needs to keep his own life in order etc 2) parents are total assholes if they frivolously spend their money or unjustly divide their assets.

“Frivolously spend” omg lol

Entitled rich kids on DCUM never fail

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the stepfather appreciated and enjoyed his relationship with his step-grandchildren. It’s fine if he chose to help them have better lives by leaving them an inheritance. it was his money - he had no legal obligation to leave anything to anybody. I’d ignore the communications from the sons; if they were not in touch for 20 years would be difficult to establish some reason they legally were entitled. I think it’s telling you did not inherit money, same as his sons did not. He skipped that whole generation; but because of his relationship with the grands, wanted to reach out to them. Lovely.

Lovely?
He disinherited his own kids.
Perhaps your mom had something to do with this and is not as innocent as you like to think. He should have left something for his kids. It's his duty to provide for his offspring after death.

No it is not. My sibling is listed by name in my mothers will as “Due to personal reasons Joe is receiving nothing from my estate”. They did a terrible horrible unforgivable thing and do not get to profit off of my mothers death.

In this life you need to learn to forgive
If you love your kids, you will not just cut them off like that

[Anonymous]

Your step-father spent 20+ years with your mother, right? His estate is also your mother's and I'm sure the plan to have trusts in place for your children was done in consultation between your mother and step dad. That is how THEY wanted it. You really need to meet with an attorney to be advised of what the bio kids COULD try to do so that your imagination won't run wild. Plus, since your children are in the teens and will be 21 before you know it, you should ask the attorney what, if anything, the bio kids could try and do to try and access the money once the trusts are accessible by your children. Save all emails, voicemails and texts but don't acknowledge any of them.

[Anonymous]

He left the money for your kids because he had a bond with them. I think you should honor his wishes. Don't let his adult children bully you. They could have mended fences with their father if they had so desired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your step-father spent 20+ years with your mother, right? His estate is also your mother's and I'm sure the plan to have trusts in place for your children was done in consultation between your mother and step dad. That is how THEY wanted it. You really need to meet with an attorney to be advised of what the bio kids COULD try to do so that your imagination won't run wild. Plus, since your children are in the teens and will be 21 before you know it, you should ask the attorney what, if anything, the bio kids could try and do to try and access the money once the trusts are accessible by your children. Save all emails, voicemails and texts but don't acknowledge any of them.

This is a good point. I’ll add you will probably want to talk to a lawyer or financial advisor about the trusts even if the bio kids don’t make trouble. For some reason DH and I were surprised when our financial advisor told us that the UTMA accounts we’d set up for our kids years ago were entirely under their control by law when they turned 21. Fortunately the oldest, who has reached that point, is very mature, but it could be a nightmare if you had a kid who was a spendthrift, had a manipulative boyfriend/girlfriend, drug habit, etc. You’ll want to make sure your kids make smart decisions about the inheritance to the extend you are able, and the more info about what they can access when, the better.

[Anonymous]

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I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

It’s not OP’s money to be generous with. If I were OP I would 100% tell them to get lost.

I would not want to be a weapon in a dead man’s continuing war on his kids.

This. I would give them their part unless they were evil or criminals or something.

What constitutes "their part"? And please explain how the OP would give them their "part" when it's not her money to give?

+1. How much of the money that OP's children have inherited through a legal trust from their apparently loving grandfather should she drain to send to the strangers who have been writing her nasty emails? How much of her own money would you like her to put into hiring a lawyer to break the trust to accomplish this in contravention of the grantor's intent? Or perhaps you are suggesting that the decedent's grieving widow should give up the money that she inherited from her husband of 20 years?

+ one million, and thank you!

The people suggesting that she comply with an equitable distribution either; don't have good reading comprehension, know less than nothing about wills or trusts, or are only thinking with their hearts -- and that's easy to do when it's someone else's money you're talking about (let's see what happens when it's YOUR money they come looking to split 5 ways instead of 1).

But as the PP so eloquently stated.... all of that is IRRELEVANT, as the OP wasn't left any money, her children were AND they can't access that money until they're 21, yet they're only early teens now.

So please, do tell... how would you suggest the OP accomplish giving them their "part"? 🤔

Btw, I know you *think* you'd be doing the right thing in this situation, however it's actually quite immoral & unethical to blatantly go against the deceased wishes for the distribution of their estate.

It was HIS money, HE decided what HE wanted to do with it, and HE chose not to leave it to him bio children for whatever reason... it's NOT your job to then go completely against his final wishes and distribute monies from his estate to people he didn't plan for.

You wanna do that?

Now THAT is something I would definitely contest, especially if I found out that you were going against his final wishes.
I'd be sure to flush even more of the estate down the drain on lawyers, just so they could paper them with motions & argue in court for years.
I'd do it knowing the litigation is baseless too.

THAT'S how offensive I find this idea of going against the deceases final wishes to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the stepfather appreciated and enjoyed his relationship with his step-grandchildren. It’s fine if he chose to help them have better lives by leaving them an inheritance. it was his money - he had no legal obligation to leave anything to anybody. I’d ignore the communications from the sons; if they were not in touch for 20 years would be difficult to establish some reason they legally were entitled. I think it’s telling you did not inherit money, same as his sons did not. He skipped that whole generation; but because of his relationship with the grands, wanted to reach out to them. Lovely.

Lovely?
He disinherited his own kids.
Perhaps your mom had something to do with this and is not as innocent as you like to think. He should have left something for his kids. It's his duty to provide for his offspring after death.

Can. You. Read?

The OP's mom didn't even meet her stepfather for a decade after he got divorced... a decade.

But sure, let's go with your emotionally charged narrative and not stay in rational & reality based logic. Makes sense.

It's obvious that this is extremly personal to you, as you are most definitely all up in your feelings, as this post is clearly striking all of your nerves at once.

Maybe you might want to skip over this post for the good of your mental health?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd love to hear the legal grounds pps think this will can be contested?
Note, legal grounds does not include the hurt feelings of adult children:

The will failed to comply with the statutory requirements for it to be valid, often an issue where wills are handwritten (in whole or in part), unsigned, not witnessed or not notarized
Breach of fiduciary duty, for example where a power of attorney does something in their self-interest instead of in the interest of the person they are supposed to be serving
Duress (threat of violence, abuse, or other unethical, coercive action)
Fraud that affected the details of the will
Forgery
Misrepresentation
Someone used undue influence to ensure that the terms of the will benefited them
The person who made the will can be proven to have been mentally ill, incapacitated, or otherwise lacked the capacity to make a will

You forgot about assumptions. There is an assumption that you would provide for your surviving spouse and children. If you want to disinherit them, you have to provide for that in the will. If you don’t, it is grounds for a contest.

OP, I’d ignore them. And only if you get served with a lawsuit or if you are really worried about it would I even bother to call a lawyer.

My God. Please cite the legal ground of assumptions.

Obviously you've never taken a wills and estates class. So, the short version is this. Most courts will assume that you forgot to mention your children if you don't make your intentions to disinherit them perfectly clear in your will. There are ways to do that. But simply not mentioning them will likely lead a court to assume that the deceased forgot and it will form the basis for overturning a will.

also, depending on when the will is dated, mental capacity or undue influence. It may get nowhere, but it will burn money, keep the estate open, and cause your mother grief. If my dad did this to me, I'd contest it simply as a final f*&k you too

If your dad did it to you out of the blue, sure. But these adult "kids" know why they are not included. Have they no shame or decency?

Again, you don’t know the whole story here.

I would never disinherit my kids.

Oh, it's you again.

We know, we know; your kids could never do anything to make you disinherit them, it's your job to love them, not their job, blah, blah, blah.

Is that about it... again?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't know what advice to give, op. All I can say it to be gracious and polite and understanding. That might go a long way to create goodwill on the step FIL's bio kids.
I am not saying give them the money, but ask yourself how would you feel in their shoes. Their side of the story is likely very, very different from the version you got.
In any situation, I find that starting from a point of view that is generous, accepting and gracious, is the best course of action. That doesn't mean that they will act the same, but at the end of the day when you go to bed, what will make you sleep without any regrets?

Yes, but that only gets you so far given that we already know how they chose to act. If I were completely blindsided by being disinherited, I would be hurt, and angry at the person who disinherited me. (That's a big if, here, because at least on OP's understanding these kids knew they weren't close to the father -- they didn't send flowers or show up at his funeral!) So how would I respond in that situation? I might meditate, complain to my spouse, complain to my therapist, punch a pillow. What I would not do is harass the mother of the step-siblings who got a windfall. But that's what these crazies are doing to the poor OP.

I mean, seriously, if they showed up and physically assaulted OP, would we be saying, "put yourself in their shoes"?

+1. There are a ton of bizarrely angry, entitled people on this thread. I don't have the faintest idea how my parents, grandparents, or ILs plan to leave their money and I don't care. I won't care if I get nothing and I won't care if it all goes to someone else. In fact, I've told my parents to leave what they have (which isn't a huge estate by any means) to my sibling because they need it more. My plan has always been to take care of myself. There are literally zero circumstances under which I would be harassing my estranged father's widow and her kid because I was angry that my estranged father decided to leave his money to his grandkids. This behavior is trash and the fact that so many of you seem to sympathize with it is disturbing.

OK, this is is bizarre on its own way. Or perhaps you have so much that you don't care.

Why do you find this bizarre? My parents will probably die without a ton of money and my ILs will probably die with a lot of money, but in both cases it hopefully/likely won't happen until I'm in my 50s or older (I'm 38 now and they're in their 60s/70s). I keep my own financial house in order and am planning for my own retirement and end of life care. I don't need anyone else's money and what they decide to do with their money and stuff after death is their affair, not mine. I find it odd that so many people take this so personally.

really? being disinherited by your parent as a final f-you is kind of a big deal. I’m resigned to it personally, but it’s still really messed up. and no, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. the only upside is that knowing I’m disinherited removes any residual thread of guilt or obligation.

yeah, this is just so ridiculous. two things can both be true 1) parents have the right to do what they want with their money; one needs to keep his own life in order etc 2) parents are total assholes if they frivolously spend their money or unjustly divide their assets.

Wait... what??

Parents are assholes if they frivolously spend their money??
It's THEIR money, they can do whatever they wish to do with their money.
They earned it, it's theirs to do with as they please.

The entitlement to other people's money on this thread is astonishing & should be embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

My sibling is listed by name in my mothers will as “Due to personal reasons Joe is receiving nothing from my estate”. They did a terrible horrible unforgivable thing and do not get to profit off of my mothers death.

Really curious as to what it was that Joe did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My sibling is listed by name in my mothers will as “Due to personal reasons Joe is receiving nothing from my estate”. They did a terrible horrible unforgivable thing and do not get to profit off of my mothers death.

Really curious as to what it was that Joe did.

Based on families I know, Joe could have done anything from converting to another religion to loving someone of the “wrong” race or gender. Or he just voted a way they disliked.

[Anonymous]

I would never disinherit my kids.

And that's certainly your choice.

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

Doubt it. Only a totally idiot doesn’t update his or her will and beneficiaries immediately after a divorce or during the separation.

Well first of all, that happens a lot.

Second of all, what is being referred to is Husband promises wife as part of divorce settlement that he will make her and/or their kids beneficiary of part of his estate, or a life insurance policy or whatever. People write this into decrees a lot, especially years ago. There is really no enforcement mechanism for this, other than the kids asserting their rights after he is dead. So it could be coming.