Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

Leave it to executor and lawyers. Perhaps there is some documentation with the will or the lawyer who drew it up has insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow!
At this point we do not know the truth in both sides but we do know he left a hot mess for his step daughter and grandkids to deal with. That’s says a lot about his character. He could have at least talked to the OP about his plan when he drew up his will.
What a jerky thing to do.

This.

You don’t create legal problems for your grandkids if you love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

I would hold off on seeing a lawyer, especially since the money was left to your children and can not be accessed until they are 21. If they actually contest the will, then you can lawyer up. But, it is possible that part of his estate can not be left to your mother or to your children per his divorce decree. It is also possible that his adult children could argue undue influence from your mother or someone else (doesn't seem like his kids have any other arguments for contesting the will).

Does he have natural grandchildren through his biological children. It is interesting to me that he skipped you and set up a trust for your children.

[Anonymous]

There are really three questions here and they're being muddied together.

1) Did your stepdad make a bad/immoral decision when he disinherited his children (although it seemed like he disinherited your generation at large)

This is a complicated question that no one here, and not even OP or her mom, can answer because no one really knows. There is a myriad of circumstance that bends the answer one way or the other

2) Did OP herself do anything wrong?

No

3) Is OP morally obligated in some way to right a possible wrong committed by a man she was admittedly not close to?

I would argue this is a solid no too. First, OP has no idea really if these people were legitimately horrible or wronged and she has no ability to find out. Second, OP's kids built a relationship with this man that was likely entirely genuine as they knew him from being small children. They loved each other enough that he wanted to set them up. OP and the other kids are grown established adults. OP is not benefitting here and OP is under no obligation to deprive her children of a gift just because it is possible that her stepdad was a crappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

I would hold off on seeing a lawyer, especially since the money was left to your children and can not be accessed until they are 21. If they actually contest the will, then you can lawyer up. But, it is possible that part of his estate can not be left to your mother or to your children per his divorce decree. It is also possible that his adult children could argue undue influence from your mother or someone else (doesn't seem like his kids have any other arguments for contesting the will).

Does he have natural grandchildren through his biological children. It is interesting to me that he skipped you and set up a trust for your children.

OP says no, he skipped the generation entirely

[Anonymous]

If someone hasn't had contact with a parent for 20 years, I think it is ludicrous to expect the parent will leave them an inheritance.

I also think it is perfectly natural he gives the money to OP's kids, because he sounds like he served in a grandpa role for them. It's nice he wants them to have college paid for, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, "tell them to get lost".

They can follow the court order and talk to attorneys, not you. If you need to file a restraining order. Do so.

They had decades to reconcile or sort things out. They didn’t.

This will be over soon. Unless they’re psycho.

[Anonymous]

The will is the will.

It’s deliberate and clear.

Nothing to do with you Op. just follow it and ignore the weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The will is the will.

It’s deliberate and clear.

Nothing to do with you Op. just follow it and ignore the weirdos.

+1. Ignore and leave it to lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see a lawyer. Do not take a penny until it is clear that there is no active or constructive trust due to his first wife, her estate if she is deceased, or to her children, which could easily be the case based on provisions made in the decree or debts due and owing from the settlement.

Doubt it. Only a totally idiot doesn’t update his or her will and beneficiaries immediately after a divorce or during the separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you can see your way to being a charitable and humane person. The rightful path is clear here, and only you can facilitate it.

Why? The children from the previous marriage took their mother’s side in this matter. How do you know they weren’t terrible toward their father?

[Anonymous]

OP, do not let anyone (including those here on DCDUMDUM-land) try and tell you that you are horrible if you don't intervene and help out these "poor" adult children.

Your stepdad knew exactly what he wanted and he did it - legally. The fact he left it to your kids shows he viewed them as grandkids and wanted them provided for thus the trust.

As adults, both he and his children had ample opportunity to mend fences but neither side did. Oh well. Doesn't mean he has to leave them anything.

I wonder if those who say he was mean, hateful and awful would feel the same way if one of his adult estranged children (without a spouse/children) died without a will. Would it be OK for their dad to LEGALLY make a claim against their estate - despite the fact they wanted nothing to do with him? As father, in most states he would have been eligible for part of THEIR estate.

[Anonymous]

This presumably was hammered out in the divorce decree.

But hilarious that adult children who couldn't bring themselves to dad's funeral now what to cry foul that dad left money to step grandkids (not OP but OP's kids).

[Anonymous]

I would not respond to them unless and until you get legal vice and the lawyer helps you decide how to respond to them. For now I would just ignore them

[Anonymous]

So much projection on this thread! We have no idea who cut ties or why, whether the children ever attempted to reconcile or whether it's even reasonable to put those expectations on them. If the dad was in the wrong, for example, the burden is on him to attempt to make amends with his children. Why would that lie with the kids?

Anyway, I have been in OP's situation, but on the other side. My estranged father died and left nothing to me or my siblings. We hadn't seen him for over 30 years. He stopped coming to see us after the divorce was final and we've never heard from him since. He remarried shortly after the divorce and has a step-child. I didn't expect to inherit anything because I had zero expectations of him. He made it clear that, for whatever reason, he wanted nothing to do with us. I assume he left it all to his wife, maybe his step-son. I have no idea. Contesting the will wasn't something I spent much time considering.

OP, I don't think you have any obligation to your step-siblings. Your step-father can leave his money to whomever he wants. But just know that the death of an estranged parent can be surprisingly hard. You may be bearing the brunt of their grief. Being left out of the will may feel like a final F-you from their dad. You don't owe them any explanation in terms of the inheritance, and you certainly shouldn't put up with disrespect or harassment, but you should try to be as gracious as possible in responding to them.