Strange Inheritance Situation - Need Perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My sibling is listed by name in my mothers will as “Due to personal reasons Joe is receiving nothing from my estate”. They did a terrible horrible unforgivable thing and do not get to profit off of my mothers death.

Really curious as to what it was that Joe did.

Based on families I know, Joe could have done anything from converting to another religion to loving someone of the “wrong” race or gender. Or he just voted a way they disliked.

In my extended family, “Joe” was a drug addict who couldn’t keep a job, cheated on his wife, and finally abandoned his wife and child. So, yeah, the parents didn’t want this guy getting their money and spending it on drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My sibling is listed by name in my mothers will as “Due to personal reasons Joe is receiving nothing from my estate”. They did a terrible horrible unforgivable thing and do not get to profit off of my mothers death.

Really curious as to what it was that Joe did.

Based on families I know, Joe could have done anything from converting to another religion to loving someone of the “wrong” race or gender. Or he just voted a way they disliked.

In my extended family, “Joe” was a drug addict who couldn’t keep a job, cheated on his wife, and finally abandoned his wife and child. So, yeah, the parents didn’t want this guy getting their money and spending it on drugs.

I’m the one who posted that. Joe accused my mother and I his sister of horrible things. That we like worked almost as a team. We are not bigots or racists. We tried for decades with Joe. And this was the final straw. It was a Hail Mary pass to excuse some bad behavior on his part. He claimed to be remembering some repressed memories through therapy. I am Joe’s sibling. I am 2 years older than Joe. He tried to ruin my life and my moms life. Called CPS on me. Called my ex husband with these accusations it was a full year of terror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, our two teenage DCs spent a lot of time with my mom and her husband (they live a few states away).

How do two teens spend "a lot of time" with grandparents who live so far away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

I doubt the truth of that narrative, and also the reasons behind if it's true. A complete disinheriting is meant to hurt your children as your dying act -- short of something really, really terrible, why would you do that? Not saying that this changes anything about the will, but yes, OP should be a tiny bit more empathetic.

I agree woth this person. As a dying act, it's a big F U to completely disown your bio kids. He got a divorce and permanently affected their lives. I wonder why the kids took the mother's side and cut off ties with him, and I wonder if he paid child support or what he tried to maintain contact with his kids. It's such a shame that he was petty enough not to even leave them anything out of the high six figures he gave to his wife's grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:However, our two teenage DCs spent a lot of time with my mom and her husband (they live a few states away).

How do two teens spend "a lot of time" with grandparents who live so far away?

It says spent, not spend. And it’s non-uncommon for kids to spend weeks during summers and holidays with grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

I doubt the truth of that narrative, and also the reasons behind if it's true. A complete disinheriting is meant to hurt your children as your dying act -- short of something really, really terrible, why would you do that? Not saying that this changes anything about the will, but yes, OP should be a tiny bit more empathetic.

I agree woth this person. As a dying act, it's a big F U to completely disown your bio kids. He got a divorce and permanently affected their lives. I wonder why the kids took the mother's side and cut off ties with him, and I wonder if he paid child support or what he tried to maintain contact with his kids. It's such a shame that he was petty enough not to even leave them anything out of the high six figures he gave to his wife's grandkids.

None of the speculation, by OP or otherwise, is relevant. It was his money and his decision. Agree with all the PPs who say to engage a lawyer and not respond. This is a legal issue, not a therapy session. And for the OP, it’s not even her money to give. It’s her children’s money now.

See if they have a claim to it and if not, move on. If you’re feeling guilty, make a donation in their dad’s name to a charity he supports. I would not give it to them though, against his wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a single mom. She got married when I was in my late twenties and already married. My relationship with her husband was cordial but not close. However, our two teenage DCs spent a lot of time with my mom and her husband (they live a few states away). Her husband recently passed away. He had two adult children about my age, no grandchildren. I met one of them once and never met the other. He divorced their mother when the younger one finished high school. I never knew the story of the divorce, only heard snippets from my mom (who always acknowledged she only knew one side of the story) - that he was the sole provider pretty much the whole time, that his wife did not treat him well, that he stayed for the sake of the kids but that when he finally left the kids took their mother's side and basically wanted nothing to do with him after the divorce. All I can say is that for over 20 years he and my mom were together they were happy and he treated her very well.

Anyway, I have just found out that he left half his money to my mom and half of it in trust to my kids (high six figures each). We are not poor, but this would certainly give my kids a better start in life and more choices. I have been getting lots of angry calls and emails from his kids. I kind of get their point of view but I want to get them to get lost. Should I?

He had every right to do what he wanted with his money, but I would sue for my fair share if I were one of his natural kids.

[Anonymous]

Question for OP, if his kids didn't talk to their Dad, how did they get your phone and email? I agree with other posters to ignore or if becomes harassing to just turn over to an attorney so you don't have to engage at all. If kids had no way of knowing your phone and email and now have it, definitely get attorney involved.

[Anonymous]

You can't blow off your dad then expect to inherit.

He did his duty in raising them.

He does not owe bio kids. Neither do you.

[Anonymous]

My uncle died recently and left almost everything to one of his 4 children. The “golden child” also is severely mentally ill and there are no safeguards in place to protect him or the assets. His siblings are generally fine with the decision except for the fact that there is no trust to protect the mentally ill sibling.

[Anonymous]

Is getting your “fair share” of a relative’s money a rich people thing? This mindset is so foreign to me. I’ve never heard any of my siblings or cousins talk this way (or maybe they have these thoughts and don’t share). As far as I know, no one expects any kind of inheritance. I just hope we can all afford to care for our parents adequately in old age, pay for a nice funeral, and sell their houses easily if they owned. We have an estranged grandmother. I would be absolutely shocked if she left anything to any of her kids or grandkids, and my mom has never in my life expressed any expectation of being owed anything. It wouldn’t even occur to us to ask where her money went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "kind of" get their point of view OP, really? They were completely disinherited, and you have no real information about why or how the marriage ended. That's not to say you should reject the inheritance, but yeah, be prepared for alegal battle. And perhaps internalize that this man did something deliberately and extremely hurtful to his own children, perhaps with your mother's support. It's one thing to have a distant relationship; another thing to completely disiniherit your children in favor of step-grandchildren, when there's apparently plenty of money to go around. It's kind of bad karma.

If the kids did not see him for the last 20 yers, you still think they deserve something? Why?

I doubt the truth of that narrative, and also the reasons behind if it's true. A complete disinheriting is meant to hurt your children as your dying act -- short of something really, really terrible, why would you do that? Not saying that this changes anything about the will, but yes, OP should be a tiny bit more empathetic.

I agree woth this person. As a dying act, it's a big F U to completely disown your bio kids. He got a divorce and permanently affected their lives. I wonder why the kids took the mother's side and cut off ties with him, and I wonder if he paid child support or what he tried to maintain contact with his kids. It's such a shame that he was petty enough not to even leave them anything out of the high six figures he gave to his wife's grandkids.

If I am reading the posts correctly.

Stepdad divorced his first wife after the youngest child graduated from high school. We have no idea what the home life or relationship between Dad and kids was before the divorce, only that Dad waited until the youngest was done with high school to divorce the Mom.

10 years after StepDad divorced his first wife, StepDad met OP's Mom and they dated and got married. OP was in her 20's and married when this happened.

OP's kids spent time with Mom and StepDad as they grew up. OP has not said how this worked, since the Mom and StepDad lived in a different state. Maybe the kids spent their summers with their Grandparents, who knows. The kids spent time with Grandma and StepGrandpa.

StepGrandpa died and left money to OPs Mom and the StepGrandkids, not his own kids.

OP admits that she didn't have a relationship with her step-siblings. OP said that the step-siblings did not attend the funeral or send flowers. OP has no clue what the relationship was between StedDad and his kids.

Based on this accounting I would think that the original divorce should not have upset the kids lives, they had all completed high school. This tells me that StepDad provided for them in some way shape of form through their childhoods. We have no clue what that looked like. StepDad did not divorce his first wife in favor of OP's Mom. OP's Mom and StepDad did not talk a whole heck of a lot about StepDad's first family; that tells me that StepDad was not bashing his ex and his kids to OP and that OP's Mom just kept what she knew to herself. Not exactly the picture of a vengeful asshole.

OP: You cannot take money from the trusts left for your kids and do anything with it. I would take the Lawyer for the estate, let them know that your StepDad's kids are contacting you. Provide the lawyer with copies of the emails and voicemails if you have them. But stay out of this. You had nothing to do with what happened.