In LTR with affair partner; exh struggles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

no, no, yes, doesn't matter

[Anonymous]

You're coldblooded. It's one thing to cheat, but with a friend and now you expect your exh to play nice about it? Wow.

[Anonymous]

OP, yiu mentioned therapy but it sounds like yiu really need to dig in there more. You described your affair as “an error in judgment “ and minimize it in every post. It wasn’t an error in judgment, it was a choice (a whole series of choices), and your continuing choices (to date AP, shove him in your ex’s face, etc.), all point to a really selfish decision-making process driven by self-gratification and a lack of remorse or empathy. The lack of remorse is appalling - you and your AP blew up two families, and you don’t recognize the trauma you caused your ex and eventually, your kids. They will turn on you when they find out not only what you did, but especially the position you continue to try and out your ex in. Be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yiu mentioned therapy but it sounds like yiu really need to dig in there more. You described your affair as “an error in judgment “ and minimize it in every post. It wasn’t an error in judgment, it was a choice (a whole series of choices), and your continuing choices (to date AP, shove him in your ex’s face, etc.), all point to a really selfish decision-making process driven by self-gratification and a lack of remorse or empathy. The lack of remorse is appalling - you and your AP blew up two families, and you don’t recognize the trauma you caused your ex and eventually, your kids. They will turn on you when they find out not only what you did, but especially the position you continue to try and out your ex in. Be better.

Maybe her ex was a complete douche and the affair doesn't warrant remorse.

There's so much we don't know. I can't stand the black and white judgment and projection.

[Anonymous]

^ You should probably read the thread before posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses.

I would not say I parade in his face as the only time I have ever brought him up is regarding something logistical with no other way to explain something. But I hear you.

The 3 times they have been in same place - one was coincidence and other 2 were at kid sport events on my time with the kids.

This is probably more between him and my SO than him and me as we do have a good working relationship.

I can accept that exh will just never acknowledge or be cordial and it is something we have to deal with. And it is something I accept as my responsibility as I decided to be in a relationship with him.

I won't go as far to say AP should not go to things if my exh may be there. Which, honestly right now are few and far between because it is an LDR.

Why does this other man need to be there? You and the boyfriend are so tacky. Let the man watch his kids in sports without your nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

Forever a sh@t person. This was a marriage (2 marriages!) with kids not a fleeting high school romance.

She’d be a POS in my eyes forever if I were her SIL or exH.

I suspect that people like this don’t cheat but are horrible in equally or more problematic ways. It’s almost like being faithful is their one virtue so they raise to the highest virtue. Guaranteed that some “forever sh@t people” have been of great service and value to you in life. Guarantee that you have been a great source of pain to some people, or will be before your die.

That said, I don’t know why OP is struggling with the very basic idea that the ex doesn’t want to hang out with a friend who slept with his wife. OP, if someone stole 500k from you, you would never ever want to hang out with them. It’s like that!

To the people she harmed so viciously, callously and deeply—it is normal for them to think she is a complete POS indefinitely. The fact she displays zero self-awareness on how damaging and trauma-inducing her and her lover boy douche boy actions were, yeah, total POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

Forever a sh@t person. This was a marriage (2 marriages!) with kids not a fleeting high school romance.

She’d be a POS in my eyes forever if I were her SIL or exH.

I suspect that people like this don’t cheat but are horrible in equally or more problematic ways. It’s almost like being faithful is their one virtue so they raise to the highest virtue. Guaranteed that some “forever sh@t people” have been of great service and value to you in life. Guarantee that you have been a great source of pain to some people, or will be before your die.

That said, I don’t know why OP is struggling with the very basic idea that the ex doesn’t want to hang out with a friend who slept with his wife. OP, if someone stole 500k from you, you would never ever want to hang out with them. It’s like that!

People that are manipulative liars and morally corrupt definitely lie in other facets of their lives too. This type of behavior isn’t confined to just cheating. It is bad character.

[Anonymous]

I hope you realize your AP is now cheating on you in your LDR. I guarantee it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

Forever a sh@t person. This was a marriage (2 marriages!) with kids not a fleeting high school romance.

She’d be a POS in my eyes forever if I were her SIL or exH.

I suspect that people like this don’t cheat but are horrible in equally or more problematic ways. It’s almost like being faithful is their one virtue so they raise to the highest virtue. Guaranteed that some “forever sh@t people” have been of great service and value to you in life. Guarantee that you have been a great source of pain to some people, or will be before your die.

That said, I don’t know why OP is struggling with the very basic idea that the ex doesn’t want to hang out with a friend who slept with his wife. OP, if someone stole 500k from you, you would never ever want to hang out with them. It’s like that!

To the people she harmed so viciously, callously and deeply—it is normal for them to think she is a complete POS indefinitely. The fact she displays zero self-awareness on how damaging and trauma-inducing her and her lover boy douche boy actions were, yeah, total POS.

For the ex, probably. But she may have gone above and beyond for him until things fell apart, and he may have been a horrific husband.. We don’t know these two. If she gave him her life and he mistreated her, I might feel differently. But I would never expect him to be all good hanging out with his old buddy who took over his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

Forever a sh@t person. This was a marriage (2 marriages!) with kids not a fleeting high school romance.

She’d be a POS in my eyes forever if I were her SIL or exH.

I suspect that people like this don’t cheat but are horrible in equally or more problematic ways. It’s almost like being faithful is their one virtue so they raise to the highest virtue. Guaranteed that some “forever sh@t people” have been of great service and value to you in life. Guarantee that you have been a great source of pain to some people, or will be before your die.

That said, I don’t know why OP is struggling with the very basic idea that the ex doesn’t want to hang out with a friend who slept with his wife. OP, if someone stole 500k from you, you would never ever want to hang out with them. It’s like that!

To the people she harmed so viciously, callously and deeply—it is normal for them to think she is a complete POS indefinitely. The fact she displays zero self-awareness on how damaging and trauma-inducing her and her lover boy douche boy actions were, yeah, total POS.

For the ex, probably. But she may have gone above and beyond for him until things fell apart, and he may have been a horrific husband.. We don’t know these two. If she gave him her life and he mistreated her, I might feel differently. But I would never expect him to be all good hanging out with his old buddy who took over his wife.

Nothing justifies cheating. Period. When it’s two married people with children it is even worse. The fallout and psychological trail of trauma they leave behind just to get laid is awful.

Selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you realize your AP is now cheating on you in your LDR. I guarantee it.

Definitely. Cheaters continue the pattern. Especially because they have done no self-reflection or therapy, much less taken full responsibility and remorse.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully your children realize that you are an awful human being

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you realize your AP is now cheating on you in your LDR. I guarantee it.

God I wish this was true these two are despicable and deserve the same treatment they imparted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op and the AP are morally bankrupt and without good judgement or character. It doesn’t matter what OP and the AP think of each other. They hold each other in high regard because no one else does. The children won’t remember anything except the cheating.

Can she ever be forgiven for bad judgement? For her affair? Can her ex husband move on or is she permanently, forever “morally bankrupt” from his pov? What if she is objectively good in many other ways?

Forever a sh@t person. This was a marriage (2 marriages!) with kids not a fleeting high school romance.

She’d be a POS in my eyes forever if I were her SIL or exH.

I suspect that people like this don’t cheat but are horrible in equally or more problematic ways. It’s almost like being faithful is their one virtue so they raise to the highest virtue. Guaranteed that some “forever sh@t people” have been of great service and value to you in life. Guarantee that you have been a great source of pain to some people, or will be before your die.

That said, I don’t know why OP is struggling with the very basic idea that the ex doesn’t want to hang out with a friend who slept with his wife. OP, if someone stole 500k from you, you would never ever want to hang out with them. It’s like that!

People that are manipulative liars and morally corrupt definitely lie in other facets of their lives too. This type of behavior isn’t confined to just cheating. It is bad character.

.

Sometimes. But also super judgmental people are often deflecting from their own moral failings in other areas. When I hear this extremely harsh language directed at spouses who have cheated specifically, it really makes me wonder about the other areas of the life of the person who is being so extreme. From a social point of view, I would prefer the person with the Nobel peace prize who cheated on his wife, than some person living there normal, selfish life or worse, who hasn’t.

Many of the older men in my family have cheated, and I suspect some of the women. I would not write them off entirely for what went on in their marriages. Yet I don’t think I could forgive my husband for sleeping with my friend. And I would never want to hang out with my friend who slept with my husband.