Official my DH is an ass on Mother’s Day 2021 thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had gestational diabetes. My husband got me a cake. I said thank you and moved on.

This year, I’m deep into a health kick. Same cake again.

OMG! We should get together! I've got 2 book lights clipped to my lampshade that I never use. Last holiday season, my DH asks me if I like the book lights, I say 'no'. I don't like book lights at all. I just felt compelled to keep those because my mom gave them to me. I like reading from a Kindle (like, when was the last time you ever saw me with a physical book). Guess what I got for Christmas? A freakin book light! It would have been less hurtful to have gotten nothing.

[Anonymous]

My alcoholic husband who had been sober for a while fell off the wagon so happy mother's day to me. First he lied about it while stumbling around acting like an idiot, then finally admitted it and threw out the booze (although who knows how much more he has squirreled away), then was completely useless and felt "sick" the whole weekend. My kids were awesome and made me gifts at school/daycare but they're too little to really plan anything. So I took care of them and everything else like I always do. Oh and I ordered take out for dinner because I'm sick of doing dishes and he complained about what he ordered and gave me crap for picking a place the kids and I like.

I don't want a gift or anything because it's a made up holiday I just want another functional adult in the house so I could take a nap or go for a run. I guess I need to just find a vaccinated babysitter and stop complaining, I'm just so over it, and so over people telling me about their awesome, thoughtful husbands and amazing solo-days out because I never get to be off duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My alcoholic husband who had been sober for a while fell off the wagon so happy mother's day to me. First he lied about it while stumbling around acting like an idiot, then finally admitted it and threw out the booze (although who knows how much more he has squirreled away), then was completely useless and felt "sick" the whole weekend. My kids were awesome and made me gifts at school/daycare but they're too little to really plan anything. So I took care of them and everything else like I always do. Oh and I ordered take out for dinner because I'm sick of doing dishes and he complained about what he ordered and gave me crap for picking a place the kids and I like.

I don't want a gift or anything because it's a made up holiday I just want another functional adult in the house so I could take a nap or go for a run. I guess I need to just find a vaccinated babysitter and stop complaining, I'm just so over it, and so over people telling me about their awesome, thoughtful husbands and amazing solo-days out because I never get to be off duty.

Hugs. I'm really sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single parent so no ding dong husband BUT. My kid didn’t say anything to me until I reminded her around 3:30. No card. No flowers. No gift. I cried. Hard. She’s 13 so old enough. I bought myself a new purse but it didn’t even feel remotely special.

She’s 13. Crying because your 13 year old didn’t get you a gift is ridiculous, and it’s a lot of pressure on a child to make you happy. Keep going - when she’s an adult, she’ll get it.

I’m pretty sure I never got my single mother a Mother’s Day gift growing up (where was I supposed to get it, and with what money?). In past years as an adult for Mother’s Day, I’ve flown home to surprise her, bought a KitchenAid mixer, and taken her on trips that week/weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single parent so no ding dong husband BUT. My kid didn’t say anything to me until I reminded her around 3:30. No card. No flowers. No gift. I cried. Hard. She’s 13 so old enough. I bought myself a new purse but it didn’t even feel remotely special.

She’s 13. Crying because your 13 year old didn’t get you a gift is ridiculous, and it’s a lot of pressure on a child to make you happy. Keep going - when she’s an adult, she’ll get it.

I’m pretty sure I never got my single mother a Mother’s Day gift growing up (where was I supposed to get it, and with what money?). In past years as an adult for Mother’s Day, I’ve flown home to surprise her, bought a KitchenAid mixer, and taken her on trips that week/weekend.

She can remember to wish her mother a Happy Mother's Day! That doesn't cost anything! She could make her a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I had gestational diabetes. My husband got me a cake. I said thank you and moved on.

This year, I’m deep into a health kick. Same cake again.

OMG! We should get together! I've got 2 book lights clipped to my lampshade that I never use. Last holiday season, my DH asks me if I like the book lights, I say 'no'. I don't like book lights at all. I just felt compelled to keep those because my mom gave them to me. I like reading from a Kindle (like, when was the last time you ever saw me with a physical book). Guess what I got for Christmas? A freakin book light! It would have been less hurtful to have gotten nothing.

Lol, I remember you booklight lady.

I mentioned this on another thread but my DH got a vasectomy on Friday. The Dr apparently mentioned it was a great mothers day gift so he thought that absolved him from doing anything for me yesterday. He got me a card.

This is still better than last year where he bought me something that was delivered and left it in its delivery package in our garage. At the end of the day (last year) he mentioned my gift was in the garage but he hadn't had a chance to get it out of its package and told me that if I wanted it, I could go get it. I don't even remember what it was, some cheap crap I'm sure.

We have 3 kids under 5 and I'm a SAHM. I just had a baby. I thought for sure he would see the value in celebrating me one day after the year we all.just had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single parent so no ding dong husband BUT. My kid didn’t say anything to me until I reminded her around 3:30. No card. No flowers. No gift. I cried. Hard. She’s 13 so old enough. I bought myself a new purse but it didn’t even feel remotely special.

She’s 13. Crying because your 13 year old didn’t get you a gift is ridiculous, and it’s a lot of pressure on a child to make you happy. Keep going - when she’s an adult, she’ll get it.

I’m pretty sure I never got my single mother a Mother’s Day gift growing up (where was I supposed to get it, and with what money?). In past years as an adult for Mother’s Day, I’ve flown home to surprise her, bought a KitchenAid mixer, and taken her on trips that week/weekend.

She can remember to wish her mother a Happy Mother's Day! That doesn't cost anything! She could make her a card.

+1. I'm also a single parent (partnered, but that's a whole other story). Kids have teachers etc mentioning mothers day all week. The kid can say the words and make a card. ESPECIALLY if she's 13 instead of, say, 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just...forgot. Didn't even coach the elementary schooler to say "happy Mother's Day." This was after he thanked me for taking care of the card and kid gift for his mom, who we saw yesterday, discussing my flower order for my mom, and checking in with his sister's about whose turn it was this year to order flowers for their mom. He absolutely knew it was Mother's Day, he just didn't extend it to thinking about me at all.

I said I was bummed we were out of milk for coffee but a new breakfast place I'd been anticipating opened up down the street this morning. He said "fine, if you want it you'd better go, I'll stay with the kids." That was when the waterworks started - yes, I know the kids aren't vaccinated so i wouldn't insist we all go, but there were just ZERO dots connecting in his brain. ZERO.

I’m sorry this sounds awful. But, honestly this seems like it’s about way more than Mother’s Day. Are you guys in a tough spot in your marriage? It’s like he’s purposely trying to hurt you.

No, he's not, he's just that oblivious. We have two small kids, two jobs, and a really busy and sleep deprived life, and he's always been bad at sentimental gestures, so i get that he's tired and was trying to keep the toddler happy. But I thought "remember it's Mother's Day and say something nice to your wife/train your kids" was a pretty rock bottom expectation.

If your kid is in elementary school, they should know it's Mother's Day on their own...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been arguing for the last three days. Now he’s out with the kids I guess pulling together gifts and breakfast. At this point, I don’t care about gifts. I just want a husband who takes accountability for his wrongdoings and partners with me so we both can be better for ourselves and each other. He’s never wrong, he’s never accountable, he’s never sorry. I really believe he’s narcissistic. Every time I bring an issue to him, he changes the conversation to be about something that I did, tells me everything I have to say is a lie, not true, made up, or “I’m reaching”.

What sucks even more is this is his first Mother’s Day without his mom, and I can’t even bring myself to be supportive. I’m just emotionally drained and ready for tomorrow.

This is the problem. People want their husbands to be different the other 364 days a year so they decide to freak out when he's not magically different on Mother's Day.

My husband is awesome 365 days a year, so Mother's Day doesn't mean that much to me. Yes my kids wrote down some things they love about me, and that was sweet, and yes my husband took us out to lunch and was great all day, but given that my kids and I talk about the things we love about our family members all the time, and the fact that my husband regularly takes the kids to do things and thanks me for being an awesome wife and mom, I don't need to freak out that everything is perfect on one single day.

All the people I know with solid marriages and happy lives couldn't care less about Mother's Day. The ones who want some grand gestures are lacking in their lives the rest of the year and expect for this one day to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if these same guys also forget Christmas Day?

Guess who does absolutely everything for everyone at Christmas? And guess who shows up to just enjoy it?

So stop doing it!

I love buying people gifts but I got tired of getting things for our four nieces and nephews when my SIL (husband's sister) and her husband never returned the favor and the kids never even thanked us. So I told him his family was now on him.

For our family, I LOVE buying gifts for my kids, and he will also work with me on a list of things we think they'd like, although generally I end up spending way more time buying and wrapping but that's because I enjoy it.

Stop making up a list of things to do on Christmas. If you don't like buying presents for your in-laws, then don't do it! And tell them your husband is now in charge.

Seriously, do you people just enjoy being martyrs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So last year I got exactly nothing for Mother's Day. Not a card, nothing from the kids, nada. I was upset - I mean, can't you even have the kids make a card or something? and later on got the guilt flowers from the grocery store.

This year, husband is working in another city, so we're not together. My kids stepped up and gave me nice cards and a picture from each. I got a phone call from my husband, that's it.

I have never been huge on gifts for Valentine's, Mother's Day, even our anniversary. I was tying to just chill out about it but then my mom sent a text saying she hoped I got some beautiful flowers. Well, I didn't. And of course I have always been the one that has taken on all the responsibility for sending my 7 nieces and nephews gifts, flowers or gifts for my mother in-law for her birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day. IF I didn't, my husband wouldn't even think about it.

I'm not sure it's worth me even telling him anything. But it just feels like crap.

SO STOP DOING IT. It's really not that hard. Tell your in-laws your husband is now in charge of gifts for his family. If they don't get anything, that's on him. My husband got me some stuff for Mother's Day but forgot his own mother. He told me on Sunday and I shrugged and said, well, you can figure something out. And you know what? We're all still alive! I also stopped getting stuff for the nieces and nephews and told their mom (his sister) that he was in charge. He now has to run around on the day of their birthday and figure something out. NOT MY PROBLEM. Seriously, just stop doing it. Or stop complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second year in a row, he asked explicitly what I would like and then did NOT get it. And got something cheaper or uglier.

We need more details! With links! What did you ask for and what did he get?

Lol. Gladly. I asked for this: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/evie-linen-shirt-summit-stripe/sty-w0753-blu?cat=C1_S2_G18 and/or this: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/georgina-linen-top-white/sty-w0714-wht?cat=C1_S2_G18

Literally said, buy it soon because it will likely sell out. Spoiler: they sold out.

He got me ill fitting, cheaper, unflatting shirts from the mall only AFTER I lost it on him yesterday am when he said, "oh, you wanted a shirt or something for mother's day?" and it became apparent he had NOT ordered it or done jackshit of thought for the day. I didn't get breakfast or a break from the kiddo and instead was greeted with an attempt to supersede the plans we made to hang with mom to see MIL instead. Ofc I am happy to share the day with both grandmoms, but it makes me mad as HELL that I asked what he had planned for MIL, got no response and so proceeded to make plans days in advance.

Like, why ask if you aren't going to buy it? Men. Are. Trash. Just biding my time for an impending split at this point.

Is he usually like this? If so, stop thinking he'll change. Just buy the shirt yourself. Also, I love Boden and you have great taste. But seriously, don't give him the chance to let you down anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cut out the middleman - the useless DH. I divorced him.

This morning, my kids woke up and wished me a Happy Mother's Day and said they loved me. We are relaxing and walking to get donuts for brunch. Later, we will get dressed up and take nice pics of the 3 of us. Go to the park. Cook homemade pizza. No man necessary.

Lol I’m inspired. I have an utterly useless DH too. His main activity is sitting on the couch with eyes closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Second year in a row, he asked explicitly what I would like and then did NOT get it. And got something cheaper or uglier.

We need more details! With links! What did you ask for and what did he get?

Lol. Gladly. I asked for this: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/evie-linen-shirt-summit-stripe/sty-w0753-blu?cat=C1_S2_G18 and/or this: https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/georgina-linen-top-white/sty-w0714-wht?cat=C1_S2_G18

Literally said, buy it soon because it will likely sell out. Spoiler: they sold out.

He got me ill fitting, cheaper, unflatting shirts from the mall only AFTER I lost it on him yesterday am when he said, "oh, you wanted a shirt or something for mother's day?" and it became apparent he had NOT ordered it or done jackshit of thought for the day. I didn't get breakfast or a break from the kiddo and instead was greeted with an attempt to supersede the plans we made to hang with mom to see MIL instead. Ofc I am happy to share the day with both grandmoms, but it makes me mad as HELL that I asked what he had planned for MIL, got no response and so proceeded to make plans days in advance.

Like, why ask if you aren't going to buy it? Men. Are. Trash. Just biding my time for an impending split at this point.

This is so weird to me. What difference does it make if he buys you the shirt you picked out? Why wouldn’t you just buy it yourself? He could write you a check.

You are clearly NOT married. LOL and yes, he ASKED!? Ofc I would have bought it for myself if he had not ASKED...thus implying that he would get it FOR me.

DP, but I am married and I too find it bizarre that when he asked what you wanted, this is what you told him you wanted. You have to know that things online can sell out at any moment, so you should have bought it yourself to avoid that risk. You put him in a tough position on that one. Some of the other things you report do sound annoying, which I imagine is why you are having what seems to me to be an overreaction about the shirts.

NP. I think what you don't get is that the pp's husband made no effort at all towards mother's day. If she told him what to get and it runs out, ask her what other options are good substitues. I can see why the mom is upset that her husband put in no effort towards doing anything for her. I mean her husband said "you wanted shirt or something" which is pretty inconsiderate when your wife has clearly told you what you want.

And it literally could not be easier. When she tells you what ahe wants and SENDS A LINK, you take 90 seconds to cluck some buttons, which you can do while sitting at home in your underwear. Lazy, lazy, lazy husbands.

[Anonymous]

My husband picked a fight with me and made me cry - hard - before I even got out of bed. then he took our kid out for three hours, so I guess he thought he was even Steven...? Then we went to my parents' house for dinner and he was rude to my family. No gifts or flowers but I really don't care about that stuff. My three-year-old son, however, made me feel very special. He's the man in my life.