Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

The party host gets to determine the guest list. OP you are welcome to host a party any time you want and include kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about you. Find a sitter locally or leave your child with a trusted friend.[/quote]

See I wouldn't do that for my friend nor my kid. How many people want to care for another kid for a weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

What?? No. Age has no bearing on this. They don’t want kids at THEIR wedding. It’s their party their rules whatever your differing opinion may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

What?? No. Age has no bearing on this. They don’t want kids at THEIR wedding. It’s their party their rules whatever your differing opinion may be.

I disagree. There is a big difference between a 2 year old and a 7 year old. Of course, they are allowed to invite anyone they want to the wedding. There is no dispute there. So no need for shouting, dear. We disagree and that is why I would politely decline.


Btw, this whole forum is for sharing opinions. Maybe you only think your opinion matters? Hint: Everyone's opinion matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
By this logic, no one should have a +1.
Maybe the OP’s daughter could replace another cousin’s newest girlfriend?

And 7 year old girls don’t run around and scream any more often than anyone else. 17 year old girls might if you get a couple of them together, but 7 year olds don’t.

Seriously? Sorry but I think you’re one of those ‘special snowflake’ kind of parents.

I worked weddings for a year at the hottest venue in the town - saw lots of kid free receptions and lots of receptions with kids. What happens almost universally at weddings with kids is that parents of those kids get more and more neglectful of watching their kids as the reception goes on. Kids of ALL ages get overstimulated by the music, the unfamiliar setting and behaviors of adults in attendance (yes I mean the intoxicated behavior of many adults) and the kids very often get into feral play behavior with cousins they haven’t seen in years and kids they’ve never met. I can’t tell you the number of disgusting messes I’ve cleaned up caused by kids - they especially like to recreate dramatically the cake eating portion of the reception, with added emphasis and overdramatized rendition of the crushing cake on the face aspect of this ritual.

I’ve also numerous times seen waitstaff and/or attendees injured by tray accidents that happened because children were running around unattended while large trays of hot food and beverage were being delivered to tables at mealtime.

I went to several weddings as a young child. My aunt Bonnie’s I remember most fondly - I was fascinated with the rule that the bride & groom had to kiss anytime a guest tapped their champagne glass with cutlery; I did it several times and my mom scolded me, but my aunt Bonnie shushed her.

If more parents parented today the way they did in my childhood - at least in terms of expectations of behavior in public, especially restaurants, etc. - then more folks would probably want kids at their weddings. Child portions are cheaper and many venues discount kids in the headcount too. I honestly think that many people who choose a kid free wedding do it to avoid the presence of special snowflake kid behavior that cannot be curtailed by discipline because that would crush the child’s spirit forever and ever.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of the parents who are so upset about their kids not being invited to weddings, are the same parents who get upset when other parents ask to bring siblings to their kid's birthday parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

And someone else will think it is rude that they weren’t invited at all because the bride and groom had to invite their cousin’s seven year old (to whom I’m sure they’re very close ...) during a time with COVID numbers restrictions. Which friend or family member who actually knows the couple do you feel like your daughter should replace?

Someone else will think it’s rude that an evening wedding reception is full of overtired children, running around screaming while they try to have a conversation with a family member they haven’t seen in a year.

By this logic, no one should have a +1.
Maybe the OP’s daughter could replace another cousin’s newest girlfriend?

And 7 year old girls don’t run around and scream any more often than anyone else. 17 year old girls might if you get a couple of them together, but 7 year olds don’t.

It’s COVID, plenty of people won’t be getting a +1. “Another cousins newest girlfriend” also would potentially be vaccinated.

Stop.
We all know that it isn’t about covid. There were plenty of child-free weddings before covid. And it isn’t about kids running around screaming or who the couple knows or doesn’t know.
These are young people hosting a huge formal party costing thousands of dollars. They want it to be perfect, and they want to control every part of it that they possibly can. Kids are unpredictable, and it’s socially acceptable to exclude them, so they do. That’s it.
Stop pretending that there is some kind of logical reason. It comes off as false. This is an emotional decision based on fear and anxiety. You can’t blame the couple for feeling like they want to control everything they can about something so important. At the same time, you can’t blame parents for being upset. It’s always annoying to have to inconvenience yourself because of someone else’s anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of the parents who are so upset about their kids not being invited to weddings, are the same parents who get upset when other parents ask to bring siblings to their kid's birthday parties?

Those parents are the worst! Or the ones who bring the sibling when they drop off and linger, hoping for the late invite.

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I would decline the invitation. Just like I would decline an invite for an out-of-town wedding with no +1.

But I think every couple should have the wedding they want, so I support kid-free weddings, and no +1s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

So decline. With your superior attitude, you will not be missed.

Sorry for the attitude, but yes, I do look down on the concept of child-free weddings and won't hide that.

This isn't just a preference like choosing the wedding colors or cake flavors. It's a fundamental understanding, or lack thereof, of the function of a wedding and what constitutes marriage. Unless you're one of the rare people that knows they will never want children, and actively dislike them around you, it's really disturbing to start off married life without kids on your special day. Kids at a wedding are natural and proper. It's one of the essential functions of a marriage to have kids. A family celebration isn't about family if no kids are involved. Since this seems to be confined to American weddings, I suppose it shows how fragmented the concept of family really is over here. In every wedding I went to, here and other countries, you just brought your baby and children, and people were happy to hold the baby while you danced and ate, and maybe there was a crib in a quiet corner somewhere for the nap, where people took turns watching your child, including you. My toddler slept on two chairs close to the dance floor. I had children as bridesmaids and bridegrooms at my wedding, since it's the tradition in my country. It was held in my family's castle. Relaxed, yet elegant. You can have both.

Family Castle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

The only two people who determine "shoulds" are the two people getting married. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

How old is your daughter? If you kid is over the age of 4 than they should be invited but, I wouldn't make a fuss. Just send a present and decline going.

What?? No. Age has no bearing on this. They don’t want kids at THEIR wedding. It’s their party their rules whatever your differing opinion may be.

I disagree. There is a big difference between a 2 year old and a 7 year old. Of course, they are allowed to invite anyone they want to the wedding. There is no dispute there. So no need for shouting, dear. We disagree and that is why I would politely decline.


Btw, this whole forum is for sharing opinions. Maybe you only think your opinion matters? Hint: Everyone's opinion matters.

NP. If I knocked on your front door and told you that you should get a minivan and you SHOULD plant azaleas, you'd tell me to take a hike, because it's your house, property and life. If I told you that you should have another child, you'd tell me to mind my own business, because it's your family.

That is how ridiculous you are with your "shoulds" for someone else's wedding. Not your budget, preferences, aesthetic, capacity limits...not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
By this logic, no one should have a +1.
Maybe the OP’s daughter could replace another cousin’s newest girlfriend?

And 7 year old girls don’t run around and scream any more often than anyone else. 17 year old girls might if you get a couple of them together, but 7 year olds don’t.

Seriously? Sorry but I think you’re one of those ‘special snowflake’ kind of parents.

I worked weddings for a year at the hottest venue in the town - saw lots of kid free receptions and lots of receptions with kids. What happens almost universally at weddings with kids is that parents of those kids get more and more neglectful of watching their kids as the reception goes on. Kids of ALL ages get overstimulated by the music, the unfamiliar setting and behaviors of adults in attendance (yes I mean the intoxicated behavior of many adults) and the kids very often get into feral play behavior with cousins they haven’t seen in years and kids they’ve never met. I can’t tell you the number of disgusting messes I’ve cleaned up caused by kids - they especially like to recreate dramatically the cake eating portion of the reception, with added emphasis and overdramatized rendition of the crushing cake on the face aspect of this ritual.

I’ve also numerous times seen waitstaff and/or attendees injured by tray accidents that happened because children were running around unattended while large trays of hot food and beverage were being delivered to tables at mealtime.

I went to several weddings as a young child. My aunt Bonnie’s I remember most fondly - I was fascinated with the rule that the bride & groom had to kiss anytime a guest tapped their champagne glass with cutlery; I did it several times and my mom scolded me, but my aunt Bonnie shushed her.

If more parents parented today the way they did in my childhood - at least in terms of expectations of behavior in public, especially restaurants, etc. - then more folks would probably want kids at their weddings. Child portions are cheaper and many venues discount kids in the headcount too. I honestly think that many people who choose a kid free wedding do it to avoid the presence of special snowflake kid behavior that cannot be curtailed by discipline because that would crush the child’s spirit forever and ever.

NP. I was with you until you started acting like Boomer parents drank less and were more watchful of their kids at events than current parents of young kids. Uhhhh...nope. Boomers are by far the bigger drinkers and more apt to tell their kids to "go play" with no supervision so they can drink (and smoke). Like sorry, nope.