Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand people who leave their children in childcare to go to work, or to go out on a date with your husband, but for some reason can’t find a babysitter for several hours to go to a wedding.

There’s no way I would invite kids to a wedding during Covid! God knows when they will be vaccinated. Get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

So decline. With your superior attitude, you will not be missed.

Sorry for the attitude, but yes, I do look down on the concept of child-free weddings and won't hide that.

This isn't just a preference like choosing the wedding colors or cake flavors. It's a fundamental understanding, or lack thereof, of the function of a wedding and what constitutes marriage. Unless you're one of the rare people that knows they will never want children, and actively dislike them around you, it's really disturbing to start off married life without kids on your special day. Kids at a wedding are natural and proper. It's one of the essential functions of a marriage to have kids. A family celebration isn't about family if no kids are involved. Since this seems to be confined to American weddings, I suppose it shows how fragmented the concept of family really is over here. In every wedding I went to, here and other countries, you just brought your baby and children, and people were happy to hold the baby while you danced and ate, and maybe there was a crib in a quiet corner somewhere for the nap, where people took turns watching your child, including you. My toddler slept on two chairs close to the dance floor. I had children as bridesmaids and bridegrooms at my wedding, since it's the tradition in my country. It was held in my family's castle. Relaxed, yet elegant. You can have both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

Not sure why you think it’s solely an American thing. I’m Eastern European. My parents never took me to weddings as a child back in our home country, and I in turn had a kid free evening wedding which started at 6:30 pm. Most of our guests welcomed a child-free date night of drinks and dancing. I’m assuming those who didn’t want to leave the kids declined. I wasn’t offended, and wouldn’t be offended to be invited to a kid free wedding now that I’m a parent. I actually kind of miss weddings now that all our friends and siblings are married!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand couples who feel they can't spend a moment apart from each other or their kids. Go and enjoy a nice evening with your parents and extended family without distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

So decline. With your superior attitude, you will not be missed.

Sorry for the attitude, but yes, I do look down on the concept of child-free weddings and won't hide that.

This isn't just a preference like choosing the wedding colors or cake flavors. It's a fundamental understanding, or lack thereof, of the function of a wedding and what constitutes marriage. Unless you're one of the rare people that knows they will never want children, and actively dislike them around you, it's really disturbing to start off married life without kids on your special day. Kids at a wedding are natural and proper. It's one of the essential functions of a marriage to have kids. A family celebration isn't about family if no kids are involved. Since this seems to be confined to American weddings, I suppose it shows how fragmented the concept of family really is over here. In every wedding I went to, here and other countries, you just brought your baby and children, and people were happy to hold the baby while you danced and ate, and maybe there was a crib in a quiet corner somewhere for the nap, where people took turns watching your child, including you. My toddler slept on two chairs close to the dance floor. I had children as bridesmaids and bridegrooms at my wedding, since it's the tradition in my country. It was held in my family's castle. Relaxed, yet elegant. You can have both.

OMG. The family castle. If I had a house like a castle guess what? In VA I can have 100 if I can rent 2 circus tents. You had a castle. And what was the venue charge? Meal prepared by the servants like Downton Abbey? The reality is if people invite all kids now they can't have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

And someone else will think it is rude that they weren’t invited at all because the bride and groom had to invite their cousin’s seven year old (to whom I’m sure they’re very close ...) during a time with COVID numbers restrictions. Which friend or family member who actually knows the couple do you feel like your daughter should replace?

Someone else will think it’s rude that an evening wedding reception is full of overtired children, running around screaming while they try to have a conversation with a family member they haven’t seen in a year.

Your new cousin-in-law will inevitably think that you are rude for being so high maintenance when you’re not paying for the wedding or negotiating the difficult task of assembling a guest list during a pandemic, knowing children won’t be vaccinated and that your daughter may pose a risk to other guests.

Plenty of judgmental opinions to go around.

Personally I love child-free weddings. Especially after having a child. It’s a recent phenomenon that adults feel children need to be part of every event, and it lowers the tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

Nobody cares about meeting your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a culture where weddings ALWAYS include children, so for me it's ridiculous that Americans think getting married should not involve kids.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that forbade children out of principle.

So decline. With your superior attitude, you will not be missed.

Sorry for the attitude, but yes, I do look down on the concept of child-free weddings and won't hide that.

This isn't just a preference like choosing the wedding colors or cake flavors. It's a fundamental understanding, or lack thereof, of the function of a wedding and what constitutes marriage. Unless you're one of the rare people that knows they will never want children, and actively dislike them around you, it's really disturbing to start off married life without kids on your special day. Kids at a wedding are natural and proper. It's one of the essential functions of a marriage to have kids. A family celebration isn't about family if no kids are involved. Since this seems to be confined to American weddings, I suppose it shows how fragmented the concept of family really is over here. In every wedding I went to, here and other countries, you just brought your baby and children, and people were happy to hold the baby while you danced and ate, and maybe there was a crib in a quiet corner somewhere for the nap, where people took turns watching your child, including you. My toddler slept on two chairs close to the dance floor. I had children as bridesmaids and bridegrooms at my wedding, since it's the tradition in my country. It was held in my family's castle. Relaxed, yet elegant. You can have both.

LOL. Cute opinion you’ve got there. Too bad it’s is no way fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand people who leave their children in childcare to go to work, or to go out on a date with your husband, but for some reason can’t find a babysitter for several hours to go to a wedding.

There’s no way I would invite kids to a wedding during Covid! God knows when they will be vaccinated. Get over it

Oh come on. No one has issues with this for a local wedding. The issue is leaving your kids for a couple of days with someone you don’t know very well because all of your family is at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

And someone else will think it is rude that they weren’t invited at all because the bride and groom had to invite their cousin’s seven year old (to whom I’m sure they’re very close ...) during a time with COVID numbers restrictions. Which friend or family member who actually knows the couple do you feel like your daughter should replace?

Someone else will think it’s rude that an evening wedding reception is full of overtired children, running around screaming while they try to have a conversation with a family member they haven’t seen in a year.

By this logic, no one should have a +1.
Maybe the OP’s daughter could replace another cousin’s newest girlfriend?

And 7 year old girls don’t run around and scream any more often than anyone else. 17 year old girls might if you get a couple of them together, but 7 year olds don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

And someone else will think it is rude that they weren’t invited at all because the bride and groom had to invite their cousin’s seven year old (to whom I’m sure they’re very close ...) during a time with COVID numbers restrictions. Which friend or family member who actually knows the couple do you feel like your daughter should replace?

Someone else will think it’s rude that an evening wedding reception is full of overtired children, running around screaming while they try to have a conversation with a family member they haven’t seen in a year.

By this logic, no one should have a +1.
Maybe the OP’s daughter could replace another cousin’s newest girlfriend?

And 7 year old girls don’t run around and scream any more often than anyone else. 17 year old girls might if you get a couple of them together, but 7 year olds don’t.

It’s COVID, plenty of people won’t be getting a +1. “Another cousins newest girlfriend” also would potentially be vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

You sound a little jealous that your husband got to enjoy the event and all it’s additional events

[Anonymous]

We are traveling with our au pair for a childfree wedding. I like kids at wedding and had them at mine but it’s not for everyone, nbd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.