Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

[Anonymous]

It's not about you. Find a sitter locally or leave your child with a trusted friend.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

Normally I would say that it’s fine, but this makes it kind of rude. If the couple doesn’t want kids at the wedding, then they should have their own event, not combine it with another family event that does include kids.
Either that, or they should come up with some kind of plan for the kids that they KNOW are going to be there from out of town in order to attend the other event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would actually ask your cousin what his/her preference is and start a conversation about it. People without kids have no clue what it takes to make these choices and so sometimes it's just that they didn't really think it through. Before you decide definitively, I would talk to them. They may change their mind about bringing your daughter.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...the cousin DID express a preference: Sphe or she did not invite OP's kids.

Especially as there are still capacity limitations and such due to the pandemic. Some of you are so embarrassingly clueless and selfish. I cringe just reading your selfish, stupid post.

Invitations come with two options: accept or decline. NEGOTIATE is not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

If YOU want to plan, organize, pay for and host a family reunion, by all means...feel free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

Do your parents still live in your hometown? Have a separate party at their house for all of the family that IS included in the family event but ISN’T invited to the wedding. I guarantee that your daughter isn’t the only one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

If it were a combination event, it would not be a week after the first event. You have the choice to attend the first and not the second. No one is forcing you to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is 7 - it’ll be a 10 hour drive because it is combined with another family event the weekend prior (where everyone is invited) so we will be in my hometown for 1.5 weeks. I clearly am in the minority and that’s what I was curious about. I think family events are special and a great bonding experience and wish all family was included but again, guess not everyone feels the same. I don’t know why people thinks that makes me a terrible parent and/or person - I’m just someone who values family and relationships. I should also add this isn’t even in my hometown where I could probably find a babysitter that I have some familiarity with, it’s two hours away from that city, so we have no one to watch her and when I inquired about childcare options, was not offered any suggestions.

Normally I would say that it’s fine, but this makes it kind of rude. If the couple doesn’t want kids at the wedding, then they should have their own event, not combine it with another family event that does include kids.
Either that, or they should come up with some kind of plan for the kids that they KNOW are going to be there from out of town in order to attend the other event.

It could be that someone else organized the other event, I wouldn't blame the bride and groom for this. That's a tough situation, OP. I would go solo and just have your husband skip the wedding and reception to be with your daughter. In the big picture, your DH and daughter are missing a few hours out of a 1.5 week trip, it's not a huge deal if your reframe the trip as trip to see family and not a trip for this wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister pulled this crap with her six year old. Lobbied parents and grandparents and ruined the months leading up to our wedding. I still don’t talk to her years later. It was not her event to organize, it was ours. Hate people who think their child is the eighth wonder who just can’t be left with a sitter!

Yeah. You sound like the crazy person here. You haven’t talked to your sister for years over this?
She brought her child to your wedding. She didn’t sleep with the groom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol - why is your opinion of any importance here?

OP is the type of parent who makes people prefer kid free weddings. "My child should be welcome everywhere" are rarely the types who have children who anyone wants to see.

"It was SEWWWW CEWWWWT when MacLyinnaa interrupted the ceremony!" No. It wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go. The out-of-state last "kid free" wedding we were invited to cost us several thousands between the week-end away with the groom's men (husband was in the wedding), the money they spent getting drunk at strip club (eyeroll), the hotel at the wedding venue, renting the outfits, gifts and whatnot. My husband attended while I stayed home with the kids. Never again. I can find a better use of my money. And if you don't care about meeting my kids then don't expect me to get all excited when it's your turn to have a family.

This is why I don't do baby showers/kid's birthday parties anymore. Parents expect everyone to spend so much time/money on stuff for kids, but the second they're invited to a wedding it's "just too much".

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s baby shower, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Yeah. No one really expects you to fly out for your cousin’s wedding, stay at a hotel overnight, and buy a new outfit. You can just send a gift. It’s really fine.

Dude. Yes they do. Have you never been to a wedding before? Or a child’s birthday party? They are really different events with very different expectations of the guests.

No they don't. An invite isn't a requirement. I promise you most people aren't losing sleep if you RSVP no and send a gift.

You are really doubling down on this, huh?
If you really don’t care that no one came to your wedding, then why the vindictive comment about not going to their baby showers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?