Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to provide a list of local sitters.

Nobody wants to drop their kids off with some random local sitter.

I don't think it's "rude" to have a child free wedding, but it's short sighted and doesn't take into consideration what out of town guests will do with their kids. ,But OP, if the first part of your post is true, just let go of the negative feelings you have and go by yourself.

It's not about a bride and groom jumoung through hoops for every single guests. I did what I could, but I couldn't anticipate every single need for child care, work schedules, elder care, connecting flights, every single persons budget and leave schedules, etc. I focused on wedding logistics and accessibility issues for my guests with different abilities. That was enough to manage.

My plans didn't work for you? That's what the "sends regrets" line was for. No hard feelings on my end. If you had hard feelings, oh well. I was t planning a family reunion or a mass play date.

It's fine. You're fine. You took into account the fact that not inviting kids might mean out of town couples can't come. It will be easier for op to make the decision, knowing the bride and groom are expecting them to probably not make it. I don't know why you're so defensive about it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

I’ve been at a lot of “please no gifts” or “only donations to this charity” weddings that still didn’t include children. Mostly the evening ones at very nice venues. People who were happy to have kids held their weddings outdoors in the daytime. It is acceptable that not all events are designed for children, and it has nothing to do with money, but with environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

Omg. Please tell me this is a joke. NO ONE in your family attended your sister’s (!!!) wedding, and then instead you all got together and had a party without her and Skyped into the wedding to show her??? I just...wow. “The logistics were too difficult.” For everyone. I feel sorry for your sister, first that she dealt with all this in the first place, and second for the fact that you’re butthurt she wasn’t happy about it.

+1

This is dysfunctional as hell. I’m sure your sister felt like the family outcast. My mother does not base her decision to attend someone’s wedding on whether I go or not, or vice versa.

And then you all got together, had a family party during your sister’s wedding, and Skyped in to show her...what, exactly?

This is the side of the family that will “not understand” why sister spends Christmases with her husbands family (the ones who attended the wedding)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to provide a list of local sitters.

Nobody wants to drop their kids off with some random local sitter.

I don't think it's "rude" to have a child free wedding, but it's short sighted and doesn't take into consideration what out of town guests will do with their kids. ,But OP, if the first part of your post is true, just let go of the negative feelings you have and go by yourself.

It's not about a bride and groom jumoung through hoops for every single guests. I did what I could, but I couldn't anticipate every single need for child care, work schedules, elder care, connecting flights, every single persons budget and leave schedules, etc. I focused on wedding logistics and accessibility issues for my guests with different abilities. That was enough to manage.

My plans didn't work for you? That's what the "sends regrets" line was for. No hard feelings on my end. If you had hard feelings, oh well. I was t planning a family reunion or a mass play date.

It's fine. You're fine. You took into account the fact that not inviting kids might mean out of town couples can't come. It will be easier for op to make the decision, knowing the bride and groom are expecting them to probably not make it. I don't know why you're so defensive about it though.

You don't understand why 25 pages of at least half the posters telling people who didn't provide babysitting and/or invite kids to their wedding that they are rude, heartless, anti-kid, anti-family, selfish and "missing the point of weddings" would make someone a wee bit defensive?

Huh. How interesting that you don't grasp that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

It is about the bride and groom. It is not about you or extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

It is about the bride and groom. It is not about you or extended family.

I guess it depends on the viewpoint. As a bride, my day was about celebrating with friends and loved ones and doing everything I could to be a great host, which included making out of town guests as comfortable as possible.

I think it's hilarious that people will spend endless hours scouring Pinterest looking for items for welcome bags and favors and other things, that much more about making themselves look good and clever than about making their guests comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

You must be my SIL. How typical that you assume everyone has the traditions and expectations that you have. How typical that if someone disagrees with you, their motives are greedy or lacking character. Your posturing may work with your DH and kids but we see through your BS. It is, frankly, a relief when you choose not to attend our gatherings/events because you don't get your way.

DP here. You sound catty and controlling and if you “see though someone’s BS” it’s because you wrote the book. Takes one to know one.

Definitely my SIL! LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

It is about the bride and groom. It is not about you or extended family.

I guess it depends on the viewpoint. As a bride, my day was about celebrating with friends and loved ones and doing everything I could to be a great host, which included making out of town guests as comfortable as possible.

I think it's hilarious that people will spend endless hours scouring Pinterest looking for items for welcome bags and favors and other things, that much more about making themselves look good and clever than about making their guests comfortable.

Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It IS sad that people have lost sight of what wedding celebrations are about. Hint: not a money grabbing occasion where you pretend to be a princess. But, people reveal their values in their plans.

It is about the bride and groom. It is not about you or extended family.

I guess it depends on the viewpoint. As a bride, my day was about celebrating with friends and loved ones and doing everything I could to be a great host, which included making out of town guests as comfortable as possible.

I think it's hilarious that people will spend endless hours scouring Pinterest looking for items for welcome bags and favors and other things, that much more about making themselves look good and clever than about making their guests comfortable.

Bless your heart.

Sorry I didn't want your kid screeching during my vows or tripping my grandma on the dance floor. I wanted to celebrate my wedding with the adults that most mattered in an occassion that represented the importance of the moment to me, not host a family friendly funfest with preschoolers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to provide a list of local sitters.

Nobody wants to drop their kids off with some random local sitter.

I don't think it's "rude" to have a child free wedding, but it's short sighted and doesn't take into consideration what out of town guests will do with their kids. ,But OP, if the first part of your post is true, just let go of the negative feelings you have and go by yourself.

It's not about a bride and groom jumoung through hoops for every single guests. I did what I could, but I couldn't anticipate every single need for child care, work schedules, elder care, connecting flights, every single persons budget and leave schedules, etc. I focused on wedding logistics and accessibility issues for my guests with different abilities. That was enough to manage.

My plans didn't work for you? That's what the "sends regrets" line was for. No hard feelings on my end. If you had hard feelings, oh well. I was t planning a family reunion or a mass play date.

It's fine. You're fine. You took into account the fact that not inviting kids might mean out of town couples can't come. It will be easier for op to make the decision, knowing the bride and groom are expecting them to probably not make it. I don't know why you're so defensive about it though.

You don't understand why 25 pages of at least half the posters telling people who didn't provide babysitting and/or invite kids to their wedding that they are rude, heartless, anti-kid, anti-family, selfish and "missing the point of weddings" would make someone a wee bit defensive?

Huh. How interesting that you don't grasp that.

I was actually wondering why pp was so defensive to MY post, which says it's not rude, but short sighted. The poster corrected me that she in fact was NOT short sighted, but knew all along that some parents wouldn't make it (I assume).

I guess I don't really understand why someone like this poster would have a wedding and then be so sassy and sarcastic about her family and friends not being able to make it (due to her own desire to be a child free event).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

Omg. Please tell me this is a joke. NO ONE in your family attended your sister’s (!!!) wedding, and then instead you all got together and had a party without her and Skyped into the wedding to show her??? I just...wow. “The logistics were too difficult.” For everyone. I feel sorry for your sister, first that she dealt with all this in the first place, and second for the fact that you’re butthurt she wasn’t happy about it.

+1

This is dysfunctional as hell. I’m sure your sister felt like the family outcast. My mother does not base her decision to attend someone’s wedding on whether I go or not, or vice versa.

And then you all got together, had a family party during your sister’s wedding, and Skyped in to show her...what, exactly?

This is the side of the family that will “not understand” why sister spends Christmases with her husbands family (the ones who attended the wedding)

Exactly. Why do I think the PP is a golden child who has always had everything planned around what works for him?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t leave my kids with “local sitters.” No thanks. Nothing like leaving your kids at the home of an absolute stranger. I don’t understand who does this?

Just don’t go. Wish them well and send a nice gift. I am not putting my kids in a strange home for their vanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my kids with “local sitters.” No thanks. Nothing like leaving your kids at the home of an absolute stranger. I don’t understand who does this?

Just don’t go. Wish them well and send a nice gift. I am not putting my kids in a strange home for their vanity.

We have BTDT with kids at weddings. We changed venues to add kids and then changed rooms at a venue to add ancillary guests. Well over our budget so my parents got stuck with the bill to make the DH family happy. Chaos reigned. Year later a movie came out Dunstan Checks In- similar to our wedding in some respects.

All those kids could have been in babysitting suite staffed by teachers and education students found by a local friend. Some could have been at home 45 minutes away with whoever was their regular babysitter. Others [my side] were at home with regular sitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to my wife’s cousin wedding in Michigan. Our 2yo was not. The hotel was a 20 min drive from the Wedding venue. They offered to find a sitter to stay at hotel with DD but we said no. None of us went to the Wedding. I think they have a right to say no kids, but parents have the right to decline also and it shouldn’t upset the bride/groom.

I agree with this entirely, and something tells me this bride and groom are not going to be upset if OP declines.

Some people care. No one from our side of the family (other than my parents) went to my sister’s child-free wedding five years ago, and she is still salty about it.
It wasn’t a protest or anything. The logistics were just too difficult. It was a thousand miles away, and it was hard to find childcare to go.
Then, when our cousins weren’t going, our aunts and uncles started dropping out of going, and our grandparents and great-aunts/uncles didn’t want to fly out in their own, so no one ended up going. We did have a separate family party that night and Skype in to the wedding, so we did make an effort, but she was still mad.

Omg. Please tell me this is a joke. NO ONE in your family attended your sister’s (!!!) wedding, and then instead you all got together and had a party without her and Skyped into the wedding to show her??? I just...wow. “The logistics were too difficult.” For everyone. I feel sorry for your sister, first that she dealt with all this in the first place, and second for the fact that you’re butthurt she wasn’t happy about it.

+1

This is dysfunctional as hell. I’m sure your sister felt like the family outcast. My mother does not base her decision to attend someone’s wedding on whether I go or not, or vice versa.

And then you all got together, had a family party during your sister’s wedding, and Skyped in to show her...what, exactly?

This is the side of the family that will “not understand” why sister spends Christmases with her husbands family (the ones who attended the wedding)

NP. My brother didn’t attend my wedding, and even though it’s been 7 years and he has apologized and I do see him and it seems like we are cool, it’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever truly be able to let go of. It wasn’t just him, most of my family boycotted my wedding and I’m not sure things can ever be the same after that.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line: being a considerate guest (even if you are a close relative or friend and normally have more influence in negotiating get-togethers with the host) means working with the invitation you received, not trying to contort it into something you would prefer.

Make it work if you want to go, and if you can't make it work then kindly decline without pooping on their big day.