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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. I confided in DH about his stepmom’s behavior and he gave me permission to call FIL. Unfortunately, he wasn’t inside the house so step-MIL answered and basically said she showed him the videos and he said thanks. I didn’t get to speak with him and she was very curt. I asked if they were coming to see us in the summer and she said no without giving an explanation. DH took over and basically started asking if they’d consider moving to our city to provide emotional support and be closer to FIL’s grandchildren and she just said no. DH is upset as she usually is warm toward him and he blames me for “turning her against us”. I’m at a loss that I have no way of reaching FIL to show videos of his grandkids and DH isn’t supporting me,[/quote]

Are you saying your FIL doesn’t have a cell phone? You have to call their land line? Because it sounds like your DH gave permission for you to reach out to him and you no longer need to go through MIL. This doesn’t add up, I suspect you are making this up as you go along. Also, it is odd your DH would just get on the phone and ask them to move near you to help out. If you are for real, I imagine they are attempting to set boundaries because you and your DH are a hot mess.[/quote]

Also your dh goes from preventing you from contacting his father to wanting his father to move to the same town so you can all be close and one big happy family?! I don't get it. Your dh is a terrible communicator and controlling and you are being weird.[/quote]

OP again. DH has been wanting to get in contact with his father but doesn't like me telling about our problems to either side of our families. He's been upset when I've called my sister and BIL over after he damaged some stuff in the house. He hates when I've called FIL before to confide about his drinking and he's sworn me to not doing it again. FIL has a cell phone but it was step-MIL who answered the call because he wasn't right in the house. She probably picked up because she could see I was on caller ID and said he wasn't in. DH has asked his dad before about moving here because he doesn't have family around but I do. FIL just retired and step-MIL WFHs so they can move to our city if they want to. [/quote]

Why can't you move to be near them?  You are not your step-MIL problem.  She does not owe you child care.  Where is your mom?  Call her.  Get a divorce already and get counseling as you are a hot mess.  They should not be traveling this summer with covid.  Leave them alone.[/quote]

OP again. My mom is 80 and lives in a nursing home and DH’s mom is terminally ill from cancer. I’m not saying that they owe me childcare but my kids won’t have any any grandparent left except for FIL who is still healthy. I’ve asked if he and his wife would take the kids for maybe a few days and they refuse to answer. I have siblings near me but I’m the youngest and their children are older and they work full-time so FIL and step-MIL have the most flexibility to help us out. [/quote]

Your mom is 80, but FIL just retired? Are you in your 40s? Did DH’s parents have him in their teens?[/quote]

NP my parents are retiring in their early 80s.  So entirely possible.  I don’t know If this is typical but my mom is much more excited about my soon to be born baby than my father is. It will be their first grandchild. My mother has described trying to encourage my dad to buy something for the baby and has made comments about how he should visit since he is so much better with babies than she is. My father has shown no interest. If he were remarried I would expect nothing from him and a new wife in terms of interest in helping out/being with grandchild.    It’s nice that my mother is really excited. [/quote]

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