Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe

[Anonymous]

To all of the women who have never been raped, SHUT UP. You do not know what it does to you. It isn't just your body that is violated but it is your soul. You never forget the helplessness, the fear that you will also be murdered. You do not know what you are talking about so, again, shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP answering questions:

-- we do not know the birth mother's date of birth or businessman's name
-- we know the town where the birth mother lived
-- the adoption was in the former Yugoslavia, but not Slovenia (do not want to say more because I might out myself)

We do not want to ruin this woman's life. But at the same time, wonder if she would like to know what happened to her daughter.

She doesn't want to be found. She does want to know. Leave her alone. It's a closed adoption. You knew that going in. Move along.
It's fears like this which make make people abort. This could haunt you down the road. Abortion is safer.

I'm from that area Bosnia & Croatia. This would be scandalous.

[Anonymous]

Yugoslavia didn't exist in 1998

[Anonymous]

No good deed goes unpunished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yugoslavia didn't exist in 1998

??? Technically there was a Yugoslavia (Federal Republic of Yugoslavia) until 2003.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to scare you off as I highly doubt this is a common reaction. The reunion stories are not always happy endings. My birth mother ended up taking her own life a few weeks before we were to meet. I saw her for the first time at her funeral. I also got to meet many of my biological relatives at that time. It was pretty overwhelming.

Did you ever think if you had left well enough that she would not have committed suicide. You had no right to look for her.

She looked for me too, that is how we got connected through the adoption agency. I applied to see if she wanted contact, she had done the same.

[Anonymous]

OP's dd is now 22 years old. Mom was a student. It is unlikely that her dd is a product of the civil wars in Yugoslavia in Bosnia and Croatia. Could be of the one in Kosovo in 1999. Bio mom is married now. Here are my two cents. Mom probably thinks a lot about her child that she gave up for adoption. Mom would probably like to see her daughter. Grandparents would be thrilled to see their granddaughter. This goes for Croats, Serbs, and Bosniaks(Muslims). I do not know about Kosovar Albanians, they are still very, very old fashioned. If bio mom's DH is around 45 now, he would not be old fashioned and abusive as if he was 60. Serbs, Croats, and Bosniaks are very, very welcoming people. They would consider op's dd as their own family.
It is the husband that would cause concern.
I am a Serb. If your dd showed up at my door, and I was her grandmother, she would be welcomed with open arms and with a feast. What some hypothetical son in law might do, that I do not know. But, if he was not a nice person I would be worried about my DD, the bio mom.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP answering questions:

-- we do not know the birth mother's date of birth or businessman's name
-- we know the town where the birth mother lived
-- the adoption was in the former Yugoslavia, but not Slovenia (do not want to say more because I might out myself)

We do not want to ruin this woman's life. But at the same time, wonder if she would like to know what happened to her daughter.

She doesn't want to be found. She does want to know. Leave her alone. It's a closed adoption. You knew that going in. Move along.
It's fears like this which make make people abort. This could haunt you down the road. Abortion is safer.

I'm from that area Bosnia & Croatia. This would be scandalous.

Cao. Kako znate iz kog dela Jugoslavije je ova usvojena devojka? Jel OP napisala da je iz Hrvatske ili iz Bosne?

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty crazy that so many people are absolutely certain they know what OP’s daughter’s bio mom wants. How arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:53. Not sure of your point. Understand that the Balkans also include Albania, Bulgaria, and Romania.

Her (his?) point is obviously that people should stop using Balkans interchangeably with Yugoslavia. It's incorrect and annoying. Rather like UK and England are not the same thing.

Exactly! Why are the wars from Yugoslavia Balkan Wars? Why are other Balkan countries getting labeled as war loving savages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP answering questions:

-- we do not know the birth mother's date of birth or businessman's name
-- we know the town where the birth mother lived
-- the adoption was in the former Yugoslavia, but not Slovenia (do not want to say more because I might out myself)

We do not want to ruin this woman's life. But at the same time, wonder if she would like to know what happened to her daughter.

She doesn't want to be found. She does want to know. Leave her alone. It's a closed adoption. You knew that going in. Move along.
It's fears like this which make make people abort. This could haunt you down the road. Abortion is safer.

I'm from that area Bosnia & Croatia. This would be scandalous.

Cao. Kako znate iz kog dela Jugoslavije je ova usvojena devojka? Jel OP napisala da je iz Hrvatske ili iz Bosne?

Nope, she didn't say. I am the one that mentioned Bosnia and Croatia. I just gave my perspective. Maybe she is Serbian....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:53. Not sure of your point. Understand that the Balkans also include Albania, Bulgaria, and Romania.

Her (his?) point is obviously that people should stop using Balkans interchangeably with Yugoslavia. It's incorrect and annoying. Rather like UK and England are not the same thing.

Exactly! Why are the wars from Yugoslavia Balkan Wars? Why are other Balkan countries getting labeled as war loving savages?

Serbs and Croats are war loving savages??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's dd is now 22 years old. Mom was a student. It is unlikely that her dd is a product of the civil wars in Yugoslavia in Bosnia and Croatia. Could be of the one in Kosovo in 1999. Bio mom is married now. Here are my two cents. Mom probably thinks a lot about her child that she gave up for adoption. Mom would probably like to see her daughter. Grandparents would be thrilled to see their granddaughter. This goes for Croats, Serbs, and Bosniaks(Muslims). I do not know about Kosovar Albanians, they are still very, very old fashioned. If bio mom's DH is around 45 now, he would not be old fashioned and abusive as if he was 60. Serbs, Croats, and Bosniaks are very, very welcoming people. They would consider op's dd as their own family.
It is the husband that would cause concern.
I am a Serb. If your dd showed up at my door, and I was her grandmother, she would be welcomed with open arms and with a feast. What some hypothetical son in law might do, that I do not know. But, if he was not a nice person I would be worried about my DD, the bio mom.
Good luck.

My old fashioned Croatian mom would not be welcoming. She would only be concerned about preserving the family image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yugoslavia didn't exist in 1998

??? Technically there was a Yugoslavia (Federal Republic of Yugoslavia) until 2003.

She said not Slovenia, which separated in 1991. So, something about OP is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's dd is now 22 years old. Mom was a student. It is unlikely that her dd is a product of the civil wars in Yugoslavia in Bosnia and Croatia. Could be of the one in Kosovo in 1999. Bio mom is married now. Here are my two cents. Mom probably thinks a lot about her child that she gave up for adoption. Mom would probably like to see her daughter. Grandparents would be thrilled to see their granddaughter. This goes for Croats, Serbs, and Bosniaks(Muslims). I do not know about Kosovar Albanians, they are still very, very old fashioned. If bio mom's DH is around 45 now, he would not be old fashioned and abusive as if he was 60. Serbs, Croats, and Bosniaks are very, very welcoming people. They would consider op's dd as their own family.
It is the husband that would cause concern.
I am a Serb. If your dd showed up at my door, and I was her grandmother, she would be welcomed with open arms and with a feast. What some hypothetical son in law might do, that I do not know. But, if he was not a nice person I would be worried about my DD, the bio mom.
Good luck.

My old fashioned Croatian mom would not be welcoming. She would only be concerned about preserving the family image.

Well... you do know the stereotypes about Serbs and Croats? No?