Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Never expected this many responses to my initial inquiry. Let me state that we have no intention of doing anything that would have the slightest chance of jeopardizing the birth mother, if she is even still alive and in her native country.

My daughter and I have talked about expectations based on some of what has been written in this thread. She understands that some kind of a reunion where everyone is crying and taking pictures is a long shot at best. We are also aware that the birth mother might not have been a college student and we might have been fed a story that is far from the truth, which makes her identity near impossible to uncover.

One point that has been made is the need for counseling. We were all twenty-two once and this is an age where young adults are trying to figure out who they are - mix in an adoption and these questions become more problematical. We have agreed that a professional can explore what my daughter is interested in knowing, a safe way to do it, and how to emotionally handle the most likely outcomes.

In terms of an actual search, we have run into nothing but dead ends. My daughter did befriend another college student from the same orphanage (adopted nine months before) who is fluent in the language and worked there two summers ago. Even him, with multiple connections has found it impossible to get information.

Good. Maybe one day you'll learn not to accept closed adoptions if you're going to disregard it.

[Anonymous]

Wow-so rude!! I adopted from EE, though not OP's country. I also agree she should proceed with a search, but discretion must absolutely be the first order of business. Other posters are correct. Your daughter's story could possibly be true, or just as likely, not at all. Either way, disappointment or even shock could be the result. In our case we went with an experienced & known "searcher" who made contact with a grandparent who helped answer a lot of questions & gave a better understanding of how our child came to need a different family. How this can be seen as a bad thing is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

@19:54 "Closed adoptions" are not optional. It is the way governments handle the adoption process. Whether to their own citizens or to the foreigners who adopt the children their own people do not want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Never expected this many responses to my initial inquiry ...

In terms of an actual search, we have run into nothing but dead ends. My daughter did befriend another college student from the same orphanage (adopted nine months before) who is fluent in the language and worked there two summers ago. Even him, with multiple connections has found it impossible to get information.

I would take that as a sign. Who knows in the future things might change but not everything in this life gets wrapped up nicely. I feel for your daughter but she, perhaps through counseling will hopefully obtain the maturity to see that she was given a chance for a better life even though it came with tradeoffs. Harsh but true. Making peace with the idea that she may never know her Bio mom OR dad could be best for everyone.