Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Our daughter is 22 and would like to find her birth mother. This is due to the "usual reasons" as well as other concerns about family medical history. These are the circumstances:
- the records were sealed when she was adopted - the laws in that country have not changed - the surname on her birth certificate is common in that country - the birth mother was a college student - as recently as about eight years ago, we were aware that she was still in that country and married to a businessman (our contact in that country who knew the family told us so) - our contact is now deceased There are several Facebook groups dedicated to adoptees from that country finding birth parents, as you would expect, scammers abound. Asking if anyone has ever been in this kind of situation and what outcomes were they able to orchestrate? |
Anonymous
| Has she tried the DNA websites? |
Anonymous
OP: she was thinking of myheritage.com. Wondering if that is basically the longest of long shots? |
Anonymous
|
Try an Ancestry DNA test - that's a pretty long shot too but it's $59 right now, holiday special. People on Ancestry seem more inclined to respond to DNA matches who message them. 23andme, on the other hand - fewer people are there to connect with DNA matches.
I;ve actually never heard of myheritage - the pool of people getting tested there might not be large or extensive the way it is with Ancestry or 23andme. Might want to check them all out and compare. If anyone related to the birth mother has been tested, it'll show up on your daughter's list of matches and maybe they can help ID the birth mother. |
Anonymous
| I would find out which DNA site is most used in her home country and use that one. Definitely the approach most likely to yield a result. If she gets any hits at all, she may be able to figure out the rest with FB, etc (especially since you know the approx age, surname and husband’s profession); a professional genetic researcher almost definitely could. |
Anonymous
| sorry, but doesn't the mother having a closed adoption mean she doesn't want to be found? |
Anonymous
| Do you know the mother's date of birth or the name of the businessman she was married to? |
Anonymous
| If she really wants to find her bio mom, it is best to test with all of the companies. If she can’t afford to do that, I would recommend one with a chromosome browser. That rules out ancestry. Ancestry does have more members and therefore more potential matches but think figuring things out without a chromosome browser is extremely difficult. IMO, it is particularly important to have a chromosome browse when you are dealing with someone who is probably 100% one particular ethnicity. There are a number of sites and groups on the web that help adoptees. The person you were looking for is a search angel. To begin though, your daughter should find out which testing company is most popular in her birth country.It may not be a company which has the most members worldwide. After she gets her results, she should upload them to GedMatch.com.This will allow her to compare her results with others on GedMatch who have tested with different companies. Please note that in some countries DNA testing for non-medical purposes is illegal. You need to find out whether it is legal in her home country. If it is not, then go with the biggest testing company with a chromosome browser, which is probably 23 and me. Again though before testing check out how much the various companies break down her region of birth. Every testing company uses Different regions. You won’t want to test with a company that has Eastern Europe listed as one region. |
Anonymous
|
Oof. I'm going to assume this is Ukraine or Russia, and a 22 year-old DD means that she was given up for adoption in the middle of a huge economic meltdown in the region.
I don't know, OP. There are HUGE cultural and economic issues in play here. Placing kids for adoption is not something "nice girls" do in Eastern Europe, and if she's married now there is an excellent chance she hasn't disclosed the adoption. I know you didn't ask this, but I think you and your DD have bigger issues than just logistics. /Ukrainian American |
Anonymous
this. There is a real chance you will ruin this woman's life |
Anonymous
| It’s very country dependent op. If you write the country you may be able to get more specific recommendations. Also, depending on which country, but for example the I am originally from, dna tests are not a popular pastime. Sure, they are used for specific reasons, establish paternity or similar. I never heard of any friends or family there just doing them for the fun of it. So unless the mother or father have any one who ended up in the US, it’s a very long shot. I’d start with finding a reputable investigation agency / law firm and hiring them. |
Anonymous
|
https://janesgenes.com/international-dna-testing-companies-and-the-countries-they-service/
Pp this is a little out of date, but should give you a good idea of Which companies test in which countries.Note that you can upload for a modest fee to other testing companies in some cases. |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
|
OP answering questions:
-- we do not know the birth mother's date of birth or businessman's name -- we know the town where the birth mother lived -- the adoption was in the former Yugoslavia, but not Slovenia (do not want to say more because I might out myself) We do not want to ruin this woman's life. But at the same time, wonder if she would like to know what happened to her daughter. |
Anonymous
| None of us here know if birth mother wants to be found but she has to know there was always a chance she would be. I am not sure its fair to tell the adopted child she can't look for her birth mother but perhaps making her aware of some of the ramifications so she can make an informed decision? |