40-yr-old husband makes $125,000

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding us with this? Get a grip. Look at the OPM scale. Look at Grade 15.62 year olds retire on that after 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Well this response is overkill....nothing like a good old-fashion DCUM outrage thread.

[Anonymous]

A teacher retires after an adult career lifetime of working 24 hours a day between 90 and 115k. This is after 30 years. At 40, it's about 65k. Maybe.
Do you need a reality check? You make more than he...so at least, what, $275 total household income ? And it's a problem?

What? What?


What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well this response is overkill....nothing like a good old-fashion DCUM outrage thread.

It's honestly kind of surprising to me. I've posted on the money and real estate forums and have been told by many, MANY posters that our 400k HHI is so pathetic we are delusional to think we should ever expect to own a home and should neuter ourselves because a second child would disadvantage the entire family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a man was posting this about his wife, he would be absolutely roasted

OP is being roasted, and deservedly so. What the absolute F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well this response is overkill....nothing like a good old-fashion DCUM outrage thread.

It's honestly kind of surprising to me. I've posted on the money and real estate forums and have been told by many, MANY posters that our 400k HHI is so pathetic we are delusional to think we should ever expect to own a home and should neuter ourselves because a second child would disadvantage the entire family.

There’s a weird cultural hypocrisy in this area. If you are critical of a six figure salary you’re shallow and ignorant of national financial statistics. Also if you don’t break 500K annually you’re a loser who can’t run with the big dogs.

It’s a conversation dominated by insecure people on both ends of the financial spectrum.

(I totally lol’ed at “neuter ourselves” )

[Anonymous]

If I spoke this way about my husband and he found out about it I would have hell to pay.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is too good for you.

[Anonymous]

I begged my husband to take a $125K job because his job that paid twice as much was making him miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce.

Are you kidding? This is not a reason. They will both be worse off.

It's a good suggestion. OP's husband will be better off not being married to such a shallow person and having such shallow in-laws. OP should do this for his sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

You are nuts. 125k is 87th percentile for salary in the US.

According to this site, it is 90th percentile in 2020, Essentially OP is saying that 90% of the American population is too poor for her family. That's incredibly shallow and greedy.

https://dqydj.com/average-median-top-individual-income-percentiles/#:~:text=and%20so%20on!-,2020%20Individual%20Income%20Percentiles%20for%20the%20United%20States,Median%20individual%20income%3A%20%2443%2C206.00

Individual Income
Percentile | 2020 | 2019 | Absolute Increase | Percentage Change
90.00% | $125,105.00 | $118,211.27 | $6,893.73 | 5.83%

[Anonymous]

You don't have to tell your family members everything.
Once my aunt asked her brother how much he made and he responded with 'none of your business'.

[Anonymous]

You know what? I'm an engineer at NASA and have a fantastic job. I was 52 before I made $125K (3 years later, I do make $150K due to a change to a new job and a big salary jump in between).

I make more than my wife (she makes about $135K as a civil servant GS-14). We are one of the wealthier families in our circle of friends. We are not only very happy, but realize that we are very, very fortunate to be so well off.

OP is out of touch with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

This is your mistake. You don't need to be that open about such topics. In fact, as an adult, you should understand and have boundaries regarding your personal life. It's not mean or not in the spirit of family to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

This is your mistake. You don't need to be that open about such topics. In fact, as an adult, you should understand and have boundaries regarding your personal life. It's not mean or not in the spirit of family to do so.

I generally agree, but sometimes you don't even need to be that open about it. I'm married to a Fed, everyone knows what those pay scales look like and in a family of men in Big Law and Finance they don't need numbers, they know it's peanuts compared to what they make. And yes, it is ripe for the picking to be judged as a man who isn't worried about being a "provider."