40-yr-old husband makes $125,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

That would terrify me.

Sorry you have to marry such a loser. You have to make peace with the fact that you are not going to compare well economically with other families. So sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:divorce and get yourself one of those big law husbands DCUM loves to brag about so much.

He will trade her in for a newer model once the clock strikes 40.

[Anonymous]

I stopped reading after a few posts. My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years and he retired last year at a salary of $145-150. I’ve always made twice his salary. He’s the best father our kids could have. I make enough to support our family and will have enough in retirement for us to live comfortably. Our kids (twins) will start college next year. One will get significant merit aid and possibly a full scholarship. Even if not, we would have enough for both. Your focus is all wrong and sharing money issues with family and friends is dumb and a disservice to your marriage. Please work on yourself. Your husband seems like a good man. You, on the other hand, need to woman up.

[Anonymous]

Try being married to a cop. They make crap.

[Anonymous]

You can have my $500k/yr alcoholic, workaholic, part-time drug user, full-time cheater, sex addict ex. He’s an amazing parent too, let me tell you.

I’m sure his flavor of the month will bail any time now. Just be patient.

[Anonymous]

so OP, your DH does the lion's share of cooking, taking care of kids during DL AND makes $125K a year. I hope you make at least $200K to balance the slacking, otherwise I would be really unnerved if I was your DH.

also. are you saving for retirement? are you saving for college? if so, why an off-comment from a relative can stress you so much? if not, sit down with your DH and make a budget, this has nothing to do with how much he makes (and his salary is nothing to be ashamed of)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

That would terrify me.

Sorry you have to marry such a loser. You have to make peace with the fact that you are not going to compare well economically with other families. So sorry for you.

Yes, this whole family is basically starving on the street. My heart breaks.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a catch, who is too good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce.

Are you kidding? This is not a reason. They will both be worse off.

[Anonymous]

Be thrilled if your husband likes his job. It’s no fun when your spouse isn’t happy at work. $125k is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can have my $500k/yr alcoholic, workaholic, part-time drug user, full-time cheater, sex addict ex. He’s an amazing parent too, let me tell you.

I’m sure his flavor of the month will bail any time now. Just be patient.

NP. I’m sorry. Money can’t buy love and it can’t buy time. I hope both work out for you.

[Anonymous]

If you want him to make more money OP, I guarantee that he's not going to have as much time to cook for you and take care of the kids.

You can't like the fact that he has time to do those things, but then complain about his salary.
You want him to make more money?
You'd better expect him to work longer hours.

This whole post is really icky and leaves an awful taste in my mouth.

How would you feel if your amazing husband found this post on DCUM & read what you wrote, OP?

I hope you would be ashamed, embarrassed & regretful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

Yes, I'm absolutely unnerved!
Unnerved at your ridiculous insecurities, that you'd even consider what your dopey cousin has said is rational.

Sharing financial information with family is a terrible idea.
There's absolutely no viable reason that you should be sharing what you make with anyone other than your spouse... none, zippo, nada.
Research crab/crab pot mentality.

Also, I agree with the pp, you should be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

When my DH crossed the 75K mark, we started to feel comfortable. At $125K, we started to feel rich. I am a SAHM who is talented in every aspect of running a home and child rearing. I can stretch $100K to give my family a good life and also save some easily. Of course for that we would have to stay in a smaller house or rent. But, $100K salary and a happy marriage is gold for me. You are a dual salary couple. You can easily save one salary and in 10 years retirement or college saving won't be an issue. If you want to build wealth with the HHI you have then it is not rocket science. If you cannot save one salary and still live well, then there is something really wrong with your intelligence.

[Anonymous]

I really hate people like you, OP. There is something seriously wrong with you. You are RICH and all you think about is what some cousin thinks of you and now you are questioning the worth of your spouse.

Something went very, very wrong with you in your character formation.