40-yr-old husband makes $125,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A teacher retires after an adult career lifetime of working 24 hours a day between 90 and 115k. This is after 30 years. At 40, it's about 65k. Maybe.
Do you need a reality check? You make more than he...so at least, what, $275 total household income ? And it's a problem?

What? What?


What?

And most federal employees, even with advanced degrees, barely make this much. OP must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc. We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything, and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

You are nuts. 125k is 87th percentile for salary in the US.

According to this site, it is 90th percentile in 2020, Essentially OP is saying that 90% of the American population is too poor for her family. That's incredibly shallow and greedy.

https://dqydj.com/average-median-top-individual-income-percentiles/#:~:text=and%20so%20on!-,2020%20Individual%20Income%20Percentiles%20for%20the%20United%20States,Median%20individual%20income%3A%20%2443%2C206.00

Individual Income
Percentile | 2020 | 2019 | Absolute Increase | Percentage Change
90.00% | $125,105.00 | $118,211.27 | $6,893.73 | 5.83%

Not in DC, and not among married men with children. And OP isn't married to "90% of the American population", she is married to one specific person, and they should discuss their financial and career goals with each other and figure out what's best for themselves and their children based on that, not based on what her cousin thinks and not based on what other people earn.

[Anonymous]

Would you prefer that he do less cooking and spend less time helping the kids? If not, then why didn’t you defend him against your cousin?

[Anonymous]

However, if this were in the Money forum, $125k would be laughed at. Everything is relative...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, if this were in the Money forum, $125k would be laughed at. Everything is relative...

Mercilessly ridiculed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why....are you talking to your cousins about how much money your spouse makes? That is really bizarre, and I am super close with my cousins. You need some boundaries with your family, lady.

Seriously. That was a huge breach of trust. I would be extremely upset if my spouse discussed my salary with anyone. Not their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is flaming you, but I can see where you are coming from, at least to a degree.

My husband got pushed out of Biglaw and the best he could find at about $125k. Yes, it was a decent salary and yes I made more, but it really made a big difference in our overall financial picture, particularly our ability to save for big things like college and retirement and the ability to have relatively modest luxuries.

He's since been able to switch jobs and is making around $225, which makes things a lot more comfortable.

If your husband would or should have the ability to make more (and that isn't clear from your post), particularly if it wouldn't require worse hours/lifestyle, then I could see you having some concerns. If $125 is simply what he can make in his industry or given his experience, then I wouldn't be too concerned and just accept it for what it is.

Yeah, you sound just as gross and stupid as OP. How much money do you make? Oh right none. WHINE WHINE WHINE BABY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why....are you talking to your cousins about how much money your spouse makes? That is really bizarre, and I am super close with my cousins. You need some boundaries with your family, lady.

Seriously. That was a huge breach of trust. I would be extremely upset if my spouse discussed my salary with anyone. Not their business.

I think it's cultural. In many American families it's considered to be extremely inappropriate, but I'm Eastern European and we discuss this freely. My Desi friends are the same way.

[Anonymous]

OPs family sound like terrible people. I am glad I don't know anyone who is openly like her. Disgusting values really.

[Anonymous]

For a long time my spouse made this much and I made a big more. We were able to pay for my daughter to attend private high school and we payed 100% for her college (around $120k total) without ever taking out any loans. During that timeframe we also had full time daycare and nanny expenses for two younger sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a long time my spouse made this much and I made a big more. We were able to pay for my daughter to attend private high school and we payed 100% for her college (around $120k total) without ever taking out any loans. During that timeframe we also had full time daycare and nanny expenses for two younger sons.

A ‘big’ more should have said a ‘bit’ more. Basically we likely made less than you

[Anonymous]

Don’t share salary and financial info with family/friends. It’s silly and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You are nuts. 125k is 87th percentile for salary in the US.

According to this site, it is 90th percentile in 2020, Essentially OP is saying that 90% of the American population is too poor for her family. That's incredibly shallow and greedy.

https://dqydj.com/average-median-top-individual-income-percentiles/#:~:text=and%20so%20on!-,2020%20Individual%20Income%20Percentiles%20for%20the%20United%20States,Median%20individual%20income%3A%20%2443%2C206.00

Individual Income
Percentile | 2020 | 2019 | Absolute Increase | Percentage Change
90.00% | $125,105.00 | $118,211.27 | $6,893.73 | 5.83%

Not in DC, and not among married men with children. And OP isn't married to "90% of the American population", she is married to one specific person, and they should discuss their financial and career goals with each other and figure out what's best for themselves and their children based on that, not based on what her cousin thinks and not based on what other people earn.

The PP I was responding to said explicitly "in the US" not "in DC". See the bolded. If the PP wanted to talk about in DC, she should not have said "in the US". Sorry, but words have actual meanings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t share salary and financial info with family/friends. It’s silly and unnecessary.

Not to mention inappropriate as well as potentially embarrassing and a source of conflict between you and the spouse. I'd be pissed if my spouse had a similar convo with a cousin.

[Anonymous]

Pompous