Reply to 40-yr-old husband makes $125,000

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I make more, but spouse does lion's share of cooking and also is very hands-on with our kids while everyone is remote and while I'm working.

Would this salary unnerve you? Would you try to re-calibrate to allow spouse to make more? I am second-guessing everything based on a comment my cousin said during a cousins zoom about how much it costs to save for college, retirement, etc.[b] We are very open in my family about salaries, life, anything[/b], and I said how much he made and she said, "Well, I'm sure he can look for a higher-paying job after the pandemic."

It was not a mean thing, she didn't intend it that way, she was being supportive but realised how it came out and walked it back. But now I'm left with her words in my ears wondering if he's in some kind of low-paying job (he has an MBA but works on the business end of an engineering firm).

If you had a spouse who made this much (and was very family-focused) would the numbers unnerve you? We live in a HCOL suburb, etc, with two kids who will go to college in 10 yrs. Maybe this is a money forum question but it feels more family-focused as I am now feeling nervous about DH/my choices...which have sometimes cropped up but to hear someone verbalise it made it hit home if that makes sense.

[/quote]

This is your mistake. You don't need to be that open about such topics.  In fact, as an adult, you should understand and have boundaries regarding your personal life. It's not mean or not in the spirit of family to do so. 
[/quote]

I generally agree, but sometimes you don't even need to be that open about it. I'm married to a Fed, everyone knows what those pay scales look like and in a family of men in Big Law and Finance they don't need numbers, they know it's peanuts compared to what they make. And yes, it is ripe for the picking to be judged as a man who isn't worried about being a "provider."[/quote]

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