Mommas, don't let your sons grow up to be assholes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you, OP, but one thing I learned is that men are clueless when it comes to sensing someone else needs help. In general, boys are socialized to look after their own needs while girls are rewarded for putting others first. I find that even my DH needs to be asked for help when it seems perfectly obvious to me that help is needed. We had a pattern--he would watch me struggle with something, I'd blow up at him because he didn't help, and he would say 'I didn't know you wanted help.' Now I ask for help, even though I really think I shouldn't need to in many of the more obvious instances.

I don't think one can expect neighbors to help, but nice ones do. I think you should ask them for help in a very low-key way--hey, the snow plow dumped this mountain of snow in my driveway. would you mind helping me shovel for a bit? again, men do not read minds.

On my street, we all do our part in shoveling out the two older women who live across the street. One day all too soon we will be in their shoes and I can only pray that I will be blessed with kind neighbors.

I didn't like the fact that the men on the block didn't help, but I don't buy this analysis. Men aren't socialized to look after their own needs first. Men are raised to be providers, which is by definition to look out for the needs of family. This is deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history and while it is not uniquely human, it is not universal among species.

And from a practical point of view, men seem to be criticized for trying to fix problems where their help is not wanted as often as they are criticized for not fixing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can feel the OP-People are jerks. We spent 2 hours digging the section of road out directly behind our driveway because my spouse HAS to work tomorrow. We weren't in the house for 15 mins when the neighbor across the street pulled her car out of her driveway and into the space we cleared. It's not even a legal parking space. Now there is no way in hell we'll be able to back up tomorrow without hitting her car and she leaves 2-3 hours later than we do. It sucks.

Ask her to move her car. As for the OP - it seems unlikely that hers was the on ly house blocked by the plow. I've lived on 2 cul de sacs. We have a neighbor with a snow blower and they never offer - well I am not mad. Another neighbor and I joked that over the last 10 plus years WE EACH could have gotten the same equipment.

So we/I would help truly needy who cannot do physical things like elderly and single or alone and preggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you, OP, but one thing I learned is that men are clueless when it comes to sensing someone else needs help. In general, boys are socialized to look after their own needs while girls are rewarded for putting others first. I find that even my DH needs to be asked for help when it seems perfectly obvious to me that help is needed. We had a pattern--he would watch me struggle with something, I'd blow up at him because he didn't help, and he would say 'I didn't know you wanted help.' Now I ask for help, even though I really think I shouldn't need to in many of the more obvious instances.

I don't think one can expect neighbors to help, but nice ones do. I think you should ask them for help in a very low-key way--hey, the snow plow dumped this mountain of snow in my driveway. would you mind helping me shovel for a bit? again, men do not read minds.

On my street, we all do our part in shoveling out the two older women who live across the street. One day all too soon we will be in their shoes and I can only pray that I will be blessed with kind neighbors.

I didn't like the fact that the men on the block didn't help, but I don't buy this analysis. Men aren't socialized to look after their own needs first. Men are raised to be providers, which is by definition to look out for the needs of family. This is deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history and while it is not uniquely human, it is not universal among species.

And from a practical point of view, men seem to be criticized for trying to fix problems where their help is not wanted as often as they are criticized for not fixing things.

I disagree. That used to be true, but I think it's changed a lot in the past 30 years or so, with single parent households and boys primarily seeing moms in charge. It often (not always) seems to translate into a strong woman -- lazy man dynamic.

[Anonymous]

total assholes, OP

In my neighborhood, we were w/o power for days. People with power offered rooms. Others helped to shovel each other out - especially the elderly, and many fed each other warm meals (if possible, that is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you, OP, but one thing I learned is that men are clueless when it comes to sensing someone else needs help. In general, boys are socialized to look after their own needs while girls are rewarded for putting others first. I find that even my DH needs to be asked for help when it seems perfectly obvious to me that help is needed. We had a pattern--he would watch me struggle with something, I'd blow up at him because he didn't help, and he would say 'I didn't know you wanted help.' Now I ask for help, even though I really think I shouldn't need to in many of the more obvious instances.

I don't think one can expect neighbors to help, but nice ones do. I think you should ask them for help in a very low-key way--hey, the snow plow dumped this mountain of snow in my driveway. would you mind helping me shovel for a bit? again, men do not read minds.

On my street, we all do our part in shoveling out the two older women who live across the street. One day all too soon we will be in their shoes and I can only pray that I will be blessed with kind neighbors.

I didn't like the fact that the men on the block didn't help, but I don't buy this analysis. Men aren't socialized to look after their own needs first. Men are raised to be providers, which is by definition to look out for the needs of family. This is deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history and while it is not uniquely human, it is not universal among species.

And from a practical point of view, men seem to be criticized for trying to fix problems where their help is not wanted as often as they are criticized for not fixing things.

I disagree. That used to be true, but I think it's changed a lot in the past 30 years or so, with single parent households and boys primarily seeing moms in charge. It often (not always) seems to translate into a strong woman -- lazy man dynamic.

I don't see how. It's pretty clear that one of the top, if not the top, trait that women look for in a mate is the ability to be a good provider. It ranks highly in every survey I have seen.

[Anonymous]

Single mom with a 12 y.o. son who sees me taking charge and getting it done. He instinctively grabs the most groceries bags as we leave the store, never ask him to. He questions me about not paying too much for xyz. Also interjects when he notices me doing something "incorrectly" Possibly just his personality, but his attitude is completely different from his sisters. Father is completely out of the picture. I hear similar stories from other single mom friends.

My ex was the eldest son of parents who have been married for over 40 years. He was a real lazy sob who resented and hated his SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Why does the OP expect "special treatment"? Because she's a single parent? Because she's a woman? Because she's a nurse?

Because she's a Princess?

Learn how to RESCUE YOURSELF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does the OP expect "special treatment"? Because she's a single parent? Because she's a woman? Because she's a nurse?

Because she's a Princess?

Learn how to RESCUE YOURSELF!

Amen! Most single mothers get this. Venting or not, OP is a wimp.

Cinderella oughta go back to sleep and wait for the prince in her head to come wake her up.

[Anonymous]

I think we need a new thread

Mamas Dont Let Your Daughters Grow Up To Be Bitches

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we need a new thread

Mamas Dont Let Your Daughters Grow Up To Be Bitches

Huh? The OP managed to find child care & a ride to work for the next day. Why is shoveling any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you, OP, but one thing I learned is that men are clueless when it comes to sensing someone else needs help. In general, boys are socialized to look after their own needs while girls are rewarded for putting others first. I find that even my DH needs to be asked for help when it seems perfectly obvious to me that help is needed. We had a pattern--he would watch me struggle with something, I'd blow up at him because he didn't help, and he would say 'I didn't know you wanted help.' Now I ask for help, even though I really think I shouldn't need to in many of the more obvious instances.

I don't think one can expect neighbors to help, but nice ones do. I think you should ask them for help in a very low-key way--hey, the snow plow dumped this mountain of snow in my driveway. would you mind helping me shovel for a bit? again, men do not read minds.

On my street, we all do our part in shoveling out the two older women who live across the street. One day all too soon we will be in their shoes and I can only pray that I will be blessed with kind neighbors.

I didn't like the fact that the men on the block didn't help, but I don't buy this analysis. Men aren't socialized to look after their own needs first. Men are raised to be providers, which is by definition to look out for the needs of family. This is deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history and while it is not uniquely human, it is not universal among species.

And from a practical point of view, men seem to be criticized for trying to fix problems where their help is not wanted as often as they are criticized for not fixing things.

I disagree. That used to be true, but I think it's changed a lot in the past 30 years or so, with single parent households and boys primarily seeing moms in charge. It often (not always) seems to translate into a strong woman -- lazy man dynamic.

I don't see how. It's pretty clear that one of the top, if not the top, trait that women look for in a mate is the ability to be a good provider. It ranks highly in every survey I have seen.

Those two aren't contradictory. In fact, it's probably contributed to the reduction in marriages.

[Anonymous]

"It often (not always) seems to translate into a strong woman -- lazy man dynamic. "

That's been going on forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we need a new thread

Mamas Dont Let Your Daughters Grow Up To Be Bitches

I believe that women should open their mouths and ask for what they want. If you feel so concerned for OP, why don't you offer to send your hubby over to her for some R&R.

Bite Me.

[Anonymous]

Parents, Don't Let your Kids Grow Up to be Royalty...

[Anonymous]

I would but I dont want the indigestion your wrinkly self absorbed butt would give me.

And if OP was in my neighborhood she wouldnt have to ask. I'm happy to share my husband out.......

*Bow chicka bow wow chicka chicka!*