Mommas, don't let your sons grow up to be assholes

[Anonymous]

I meant, Parents, please teach your girls to grow up to be women who ASK.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I like that term- asshats. So should I have asked the asshats who came over, chatted w/ me about how my son wasn't helping (their sons weren't helping either BTW; the kids were out sledding) for their help? I took their lame comments "Look's like you've got your work cut out for ya!" as kind of an indication that they wouldn't be helping me out. Maybe I was wrong. Other than those few men, nobody came over to me. I guess I should've knocked on some doors since the guys headed inside after the plow came by. I am going to leave a note for the boys who offered to shovel me out since we won't be here tomorrow. It was a very hard day made worse by a few people. But I do feel lucky to have friends who don't need to be asked to be kind and thoughtful. One will be by tomorrow morning at 5 am to take me to work and watch my son (she's a HS teacher who has off and said she would watch my son).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but your post really irks me.

The damsel in distress routine is cute, but you are the mother of a little boy who is watching your behavior. Crying (or almost crying) because a snow plow comes by and undoes the work you did is ridiculous. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here and assuming that you're just unnerved by the change in routine this weekend, as we all are a bit, but for your son's sake, you need to buck up. This is not the kind of thing that he needs to see his mother fall apart over.

And BTW, did you offer to pay any of these men to help you? Offer them a hot meal or even a cup of coffee? Or are they just supposed to throw themselves at your feet because "they know you are alone."

They have their own driveways to worry about, lady. Perhaps you are giving off the vibe that men are good enough to shovel your yard but not good enough to be in your life, bother marrying, being a father to your son, etc. That's certainly what I read in your "misery."

Why is it ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP that you have to read some of the mean comments that some posted. I think I would cry too in your situation. It must be stressful to handle all the snow alone and then have the snow plow add 3+ hours to it. Just don't listen to those harsh comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh for Pete's sake, OP, quit your whining. We all have snow to shovel. Yes, poor, poor you.

I sincerely doubt that any of these comments was intended to drive you to your computer for an internet rant. Get over yourself. You're being way too sensitive.

I'm sorry, but DH was out all day shoveling as well; but if one of our single women neighbors had been out shoveling he would have gone over and offered to help. If DH was out of town and I was out by myself more than one of my neighbors would have offered to help me. So yes OP you should be pissed, someone should have offered to help instead of making sarcastic comments.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, I was the one who taught you the word asshats earlier. Your neighbors are a piece of work and some of these posters are really mean. Take a hot shower after your kiddo is in bed, and have a nice cup of tea or glass of wine. Sorry that your neighbors feel free to take and not to help. Glad your son won't be that kind of person.

And I'm sorry about your husband.

[Anonymous]

DH was out all day helping all of out neighbors shovel snow, along with my 14 year old son. Actually, the entire block was out shoveling. Everyone was helping clear out cars, sidewalks, the street, drive ways... I was in with the babies, otherwise I would have been out shoveling as well.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, that was clueless and/or assholish of them.

[Anonymous]

I have the deep, distinct feeling that each and every one of the bitchy "aww, poor OP" posters here did NOT themselves shovel today for 4 hours. Am I right? Am I?

Because I guarantee that if you did, and someone/plow came and undid all your work after hours, you wouldn't be so fucking cavalier.

[Anonymous]

Asshat neighbor: Looks like you've got your work cut out for you.
You: Sure do. You offering to help? [said while offering a shovel]

Then they either backpedal like madmen but at least realize they're just standing there cracking jokes while you break your back, or they help.

[Anonymous]

I have the deep, distinct feeling that each and every one of the bitchy "aww, poor OP" posters here did NOT themselves shovel today for 4 hours. Am I right? Am I?

Because I guarantee that if you did, and someone/plow came and undid all your work after hours, you wouldn't be so fucking cavalier.

I have been shoveling, dealing with tree branches, satellite dishes, sump pump egresses, downspouts, and all the other winter fun for days. I am woman, hear me shovel.

And I am sorry the OP is feeling so done in. But shoveling is not a man's job (or I wouldn't have been doing it) and who knows what the neighbors are dealing with. Maybe their wives would be shoveling but are instead lying on the sofa while miscarrying. Maybe someone has a bad back. Maybe someone is spending a lot of time on the phone dealing with a work situation or a sick parent or who knows what. How would you feel if you knew the people you were calling assholes were calling you an entitled, self-pitying princess? Let's all cut each other some slack.

And then next time a neighbor points out how much work you have, try saying, "Yeah, I really need to hire someone. Do you know anybody?" That way you might either get a volunteer or a phone number.

[Anonymous]

I don't know too many "entitled self-pitying princess[es]" who spent hours out there shoveling. God knows I didn't.

[Anonymous]

It's a sign of the times. If I can't get a man to hold a door open for me with bags in my hand, I doubt you're going to have much luck shoveling over a foot of snow. Perhaps they thought they had enough to shovel and didn't want to volunteer, or assumed someone else would help. Also, some husbands fear the wrath of a jealous wife if they are chivalrous. I ... don't ... know.

When I was single and driving a sports car I remember getting stuck in the middle of my street after a snowstorm. NONE of the men came to assist me, some even watched in curiosity. I got myself out and actually felt a little stronger, confident for doing it myself.

Take a moment to exhale and get out there and keep at it. Your tenacity time and time again in any given situation is showing your son that no, life isn't fair but there should never be a reason to give up.

[Anonymous]

Not all men are asshats, not all neighbors are like yours. My DH and I spelled each other all day yesterday and today shoveling. There were times when I had to be inside (nursing a 7mo), but for the most part, we took turns inside w/ the baby and outside w/ our 3yo. And, as in every snow storm, we spend a great deal of time shoveling out our 2 elderly neighbors, and a single female doctor who lives next door to us and was at the hospital so couldn't shovel. Last night as we were getting ready for bed at 11pm, we looked out the window and saw our neighbor (who we know has to work on Sundays), struggling to dig out his stuck car. My DH changed out of his PJs to go outside and help dig him out. Nobody asked us to do any this, we did it because it is neighborly. Hopefully for every sucky story like the OPs, there are many more people out there who are being good neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Shoveling isn't just a man's job but it is his job too. If I end up with a teenage boy and girl, I'll expect both to help our elderly neighbors and anyone else who could use a hand. But I'll expect my son to do more because men are physically stronger than women. Being a feminist doesn't require me to deny that basic fact.