Mommas, don't let your sons grow up to be assholes

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm so, so sorry.

I am not a single mom, but my husband was out of town and I was very scared when the power went out - I have a baby. My neighbors did help me shovel, and I'm very grateful. You are a lot stronger than me!

We really need neighbors in times like this.

[Anonymous]

Former single mother here. People should really be neighborly. But I always shoveled for my elderly neighbors and did not expect help from anyone. If you're young and able-bodied and don't have a child in a sling, shovel away. If you can't maintain your property, live in a condo.

Honestly, I don't get how not volunteering to do someone else's housework makes a man an asshole. Maybe he should do the laundry too?

[Anonymous]

Obviously some of you people don't actually read the posts before you post. Try that sometime so you don't end up looking like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former single mother here. People should really be neighborly. But I always shoveled for my elderly neighbors and did not expect help from anyone. If you're young and able-bodied and don't have a child in a sling, shovel away. If you can't maintain your property, live in a condo.

Honestly, I don't get how not volunteering to do someone else's housework makes a man an asshole. Maybe he should do the laundry too?

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former single mother here. People should really be neighborly. But I always shoveled for my elderly neighbors and did not expect help from anyone. If you're young and able-bodied and don't have a child in a sling, shovel away. If you can't maintain your property, live in a condo.

Honestly, I don't get how not volunteering to do someone else's housework makes a man an asshole. Maybe he should do the laundry too?

You really do not see the difference between laundry and helping a neighbor with shoveling out of an epic/historic snowstorm?

And, please read, because OP DID shovel out, only to have her work undone. She's not sitting around on her ass. The neighbors saw fit enough to come joke with her about it. It would have been kind to help out, even a little, in that instance. That's why he's an ass.

In our neighborhood, thankfully, people are a bit nicer. It has def been a group effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former single mother here. People should really be neighborly. But I always shoveled for my elderly neighbors and did not expect help from anyone. If you're young and able-bodied and don't have a child in a sling, shovel away. If you can't maintain your property, live in a condo.

Honestly, I don't get how not volunteering to do someone else's housework makes a man an asshole. Maybe he should do the laundry too?

Amen.

Another single mom here, I thought something was wrong with me. I just get the job done. I don't have a safety net and don't expect to get rescued. I help others who can't fend for themselves, not a problem. At times when I do receive a helping hand while I'm getting the job done, I appreciate it, but, it's just not an expectation/hope.

[Anonymous]

Well, super single mommies out there. You would've had to call in sick to work on Monday in order to shovel your way out of the mess that the OP encountered. Let's hope your family didn't need the services of the OP then b/c as a nurse, she wouldn't have been at work. The OP didn't expect anything other than some help and not making asshole remarks as they headed in the house b/c the snow plow came along and helped them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, super single mommies out there. You would've had to call in sick to work on Monday in order to shovel your way out of the mess that the OP encountered. Let's hope your family didn't need the services of the OP then b/c as a nurse, she wouldn't have been at work. The OP didn't expect anything other than some help and not making asshole remarks as they headed in the house b/c the snow plow came along and helped them out.

Doubt it, hon. Not a swooner or hand wringer. When I need additional help I'm direct about it. An older lady on my street goes out shoveling the remaining ice and snow near her curb everyday before she leaves for work so that cars can more smoothly drive through. You try to take the shovel away from her and she says "no, I'm okay."

OP, seemed to expect a man to come to her rescue and save her day. Perhaps, she should stop throwing off needy vibes. People tend not to want to help a PITA.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with you, OP, but one thing I learned is that men are clueless when it comes to sensing someone else needs help. In general, boys are socialized to look after their own needs while girls are rewarded for putting others first. I find that even my DH needs to be asked for help when it seems perfectly obvious to me that help is needed. We had a pattern--he would watch me struggle with something, I'd blow up at him because he didn't help, and he would say 'I didn't know you wanted help.' Now I ask for help, even though I really think I shouldn't need to in many of the more obvious instances.

I don't think one can expect neighbors to help, but nice ones do. I think you should ask them for help in a very low-key way--hey, the snow plow dumped this mountain of snow in my driveway. would you mind helping me shovel for a bit? again, men do not read minds.

On my street, we all do our part in shoveling out the two older women who live across the street. One day all too soon we will be in their shoes and I can only pray that I will be blessed with kind neighbors.

[Anonymous]

wow, I can't believe how mean and nasty some of the comments are on here. I thought the point of this forum was to let people vent and ask questions and get helpful responses, not to beat up on each other. OP I understand that you had a bad day and needed to vent. I don't know why some of the people on here couldn't just let you vent. OP I hope that you have a better day tomorrow.

we all feel overwhelmed or pissed off sometimes and we all have the right to be. I just can't believe that people think it's ok to be mean to someone who turns to this forum as a way to vent. the woman just needed to talk to someone. be nice and if you don't have something nice to say just don't write a post!

[Anonymous]

Welcome to DCUM, the people on here as I've encountered are pretty NASTY if you vent. There will be those who sympathize, but for the most part NASTY is what you are gonna get. I don't post vents after doing it twice I learned DCUM is a place to watch the train wreck, and for shear entertainment purposes only . . . Because seriously people can be so shitty on here, if you didn't laugh you would cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Well, my crappy weekend ended well today. The 12 yr old boys who live on the next street over did come over and shoveled nearly all of the snow for me. I was speechless when my friend dropped my son and I off tonight. We went to pay the boys and when we got to one of their homes (they were both there), they said I didn't need to pay them. I said that of course I was going to pay them since it must have taken them hrs to shovel all of that snow. They said it took them about 3-4 hrs total to shovel it. They said that their moms told them to get out of the house and be useful everyday they were off school. They were so nonchalant about all of the work. I thanked them profusely and I said I would get them dinner since we were on our way out to Mc Donald's. I feel a lot more hopeful than I did yesterday. I hope my son will have the same attitude as those boys.

BTW- Some posters said that I should make it a point to get to know my neighbors. I know all of them very well except the two single men who moved in over the summer. These men were my husband's friends. They went fishing and golfing together all the time. One of them is my son's godfather (the one who made the remark about my son not helping out). Last night, my neighbor (the mom) called to invite us to their Superbowl party. She apologized that her husband came inside w/o helping me. She said she didn't know about the snow until she came out to get her kids off the sledding hill at dinner time. We didn't go to the party b/c I had to get up early. I am glad to read some of the posts that showed that neighbors do care about their neighbors. I guess I am lucky to have some nice boys one street over to thank for being able to get my car out tomorrow. It is just a shame that the grown men who live next to me are so clueless.

OP I'm glad someone was nice enough to come along and help without expecting anything in return!

But I cant f'ing believe that Comment Guy is actually your son's Godfather. You'd think he'd lend a hand or at the very least not be an asshole about not doing anything!

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but if a bunch of 12 yr old boys are "with it" enough to see that the OP needed help due to a snow plow dumping a huge pile of snow in front of her driveway, I don't think that grown men should be given a "clueless" pass. Maybe moms should be very direct with their children (esp boys) and specifically say "That woman who dropped her grocery bag looks like she needs help. You go get the apples rolling all over the place and I'll get her a new bag."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP but if a bunch of 12 yr old boys are "with it" enough to see that the OP needed help due to a snow plow dumping a huge pile of snow in front of her driveway, I don't think that grown men should be given a "clueless" pass. Maybe moms should be very direct with their children (esp boys) and specifically say "That woman who dropped her grocery bag looks like she needs help. You go get the apples rolling all over the place and I'll get her a new bag."

Ok, as long as her daughters help too.

[Anonymous]

Disappointing - but I am male - and I shoveled my 90 year old neighbor's walkway - she is female - instead of spending some extra time with my children (which is my number one priority). I also helped a male - whose car was stuck - shovel out (i had a shovel in my car - my wife's idea - i love her) at the grocery store. Don't give up hope. There are plenty of good folks - male and female!