There really are women out there who go after other people's husbands

[Anonymous]

One of my sorority "sisters" -- NOT a friend -- did this in college. She'd go after boys that had girlfriends, hook up, then drunkenly approach the innocent girl and tell her or make sure it got through the grapevine back to the girl. She did this at least a dozen times during 4 years of college. She was clearly getting off on i) luring the "taken" boys and ii) causing relationship chaos. Thing is, she was cute, but clearly a mental trainwreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my sorority "sisters" -- NOT a friend -- did this in college. She'd go after boys that had girlfriends, hook up, then drunkenly approach the innocent girl and tell her or make sure it got through the grapevine back to the girl. She did this at least a dozen times during 4 years of college. She was clearly getting off on i) luring the "taken" boys and ii) causing relationship chaos. Thing is, she was cute, but clearly a mental trainwreck.

Oh- I knew several girls like this in high school and college. Not my friends!!

Mental issues, clearly. They stay that way throughout life a lot of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the OW that think their cheater will never ever cheat on them down the road...65-70% well-documented odds you are working against.

Some of them are being cheated on right now

Sad and true. What a tangled web we weave when we conspire today deceive. Amirite?

When they are that smug- most definitely.

I read that one of the biggest risk factors for being cheated on is the mindset that your spouse would never do it.

Well, as someone that believes it is an unnatural requirement to ask men to never, ever put their penis in any other vagina, until the end of time, I have a very long string in this area. I think everyone is at risk of it, it is a matter of time and circumstance, and also your state and your relationship's state. There is no black and white answer, and no I wouldn't throw away a love if they proved they were honest about a mistake. But as someone that has still been cheated on, despite this mindset, and every other request a man has, I can tell you -- they will throw it away when you wont.

At least my days of digging it out of the trash and trying to save it are over. If it isn't valuable enough of a relationship to the cheater to come clean, and say, hey, this is where things area -- then clearly they thought not ever having me was worth the risk. And if they can overcome their fear to be as vulnerable as I was in believing their deceit, by telling me the truth? I would help them clean the rubble and rebuild. Because that is the greater strength to me.

Suffice to say, I have yet to find it. Usually either men just don't cheat, or they break up, or they lie. Rarely do they make a mistake and initiate a repair. But, time always tells. Maybe one day. Never thought we would see smoke in DC from thousands of miles away. In these days, I dont tempt fate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the OW that think their cheater will never ever cheat on them down the road...65-70% well-documented odds you are working against.

Some of them are being cheated on right now

Sad and true. What a tangled web we weave when we conspire today deceive. Amirite?

When they are that smug- most definitely.

I read that one of the biggest risk factors for being cheated on is the mindset that your spouse would never do it.

LOL. I'm PP. I can promise you I'm not dog whistling. If Jesus comes back right now, you will never see this post, cause I'll be gone too. I'm ont saying I am perfect, but I do know that I am not deceitful. And I am very forgiving, so it is important that I don't have people that are too suspicious either. It also sends an odd signal. That isn't how I get down.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to clarify the suspcisous signal. I tend to find that people who are highly supicious, are highly supiciuos. There is a line between being naive and manipulative, and that is called being wise. I think it is part of our life journey to find that place, and peace in it, with as many others as we can bring with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my sorority "sisters" -- NOT a friend -- did this in college. She'd go after boys that had girlfriends, hook up, then drunkenly approach the innocent girl and tell her or make sure it got through the grapevine back to the girl. She did this at least a dozen times during 4 years of college. She was clearly getting off on i) luring the "taken" boys and ii) causing relationship chaos. Thing is, she was cute, but clearly a mental trainwreck.

Oh- I knew several girls like this in high school and college. Not my friends!!

Mental issues, clearly. They stay that way throughout life a lot of the time.

Everyone has a story. Some people continue another chapter of that story, some people end the story, and some people decide to write a new story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my sorority "sisters" -- NOT a friend -- did this in college. She'd go after boys that had girlfriends, hook up, then drunkenly approach the innocent girl and tell her or make sure it got through the grapevine back to the girl. She did this at least a dozen times during 4 years of college. She was clearly getting off on i) luring the "taken" boys and ii) causing relationship chaos. Thing is, she was cute, but clearly a mental trainwreck.

Oh- I knew several girls like this in high school and college. Not my friends!!

Mental issues, clearly. They stay that way throughout life a lot of the time.

There's a difference between a one-off "The chemistry was too tough to ignore" going after a taken man and a pattern of serial behavior of several years. I'm always curious what motivates the latter to pursue this. It's obviously not about the sex or even the man if you feel motivated to make sure the girlfriend or spouse finds out.

[Anonymous]

I know only one and she was sexually abused by her own biological father as a young child and has substance addiction issues. She pretty much dated a lot of married men, even after finding out they are married, cheated on her single partners with married men, and has a child with a married guy.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between a one-off "The chemistry was too tough to ignore" going after a taken man and a pattern of serial behavior of several years. I'm always curious what motivates the latter to pursue this. It's obviously not about the sex or even the man if you feel motivated to make sure the girlfriend or spouse finds out.

Yea I think in some cases it is about surpassing or feeling one is preferred over the other female. For more destructive types, i have wondered it is the outcome of a deeper toxic kind of envy. I have wondered, because a couole of of times in our larger peer group, there were affairs that seemed to be connected to the relationship between the women.. It looked motivated to impact the wife of the cheater. I joked with my husband the year before he had an emotional affair with his ap that I thought she had a crush on me. I had never ever thought this about any other female and I don’t mean a sexual crush. I mean she seemed to idealize me and my life and work and who knows? Maybe taking him was a rush of sorts, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Envy has a lot of aggression in it, so it seems plausible that an envious friend could act out by getting involved with friends partner. It is incredibly primitive behavior but some people are incredibly primitive, as well as hostile and destructive even if they look like a friend, peer or friendly neighbor next door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the OW that think their cheater will never ever cheat on them down the road...65-70% well-documented odds you are working against.

I know. What goes around comes around, right.

I have seen this happen to OW who became the wife. Did not have sympathy for them.

Tigers don't change their stripes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some treacherous women consider married men the biggest prize and ultimate boost to their self-esteem. Who's more powerful than a woman who can get a man to cheat on his wife? Married men are responsible for their infidelities. Women who target married men also are targeting the wives and kids. The goal is total destruction of a family, not just 'an affair'. Very sick and very destructive behavior.

My friend was left in the lurch with two toddlers. Her older toddler took it very, very, very hard and fell apart completely. How do these women live with themselves?

The same way the MANY fathers who do this every day of the week live with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is still not her fault. I mean HER infidelity is her fault, but every husband’s infidelity is on him

She is 100% responsible for having an affair with a married person and the impact her actions had on other people (her own husband, the other family)

He is 100% responsible for having an affair and the impacts that has on other people.

It's not a pie. It's not like you cut it up to assign portions of guilt. They are each 100% responsible for their OWN actions and consequences.

Disagree.

HE made the vow to that women. Probably in a church in front of their families.

SHE had never met them and may never meet them.

I don't relate to the other woman because she is attracted to an immoral, lying guy. But I feel like HER betrayal is to her family not his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is still not her fault. I mean HER infidelity is her fault, but every husband’s infidelity is on him

She is 100% responsible for having an affair with a married person and the impact her actions had on other people (her own husband, the other family)

He is 100% responsible for having an affair and the impacts that has on other people.

It's not a pie. It's not like you cut it up to assign portions of guilt. They are each 100% responsible for their OWN actions and consequences.

Disagree.

HE made the vow to that women. Probably in a church in front of their families.

SHE had never met them and may never meet them.

I don't relate to the other woman because she is attracted to an immoral, lying guy. But I feel like HER betrayal is to her family not his.

I and many, disagree. In addition the Biblical command against coveting thy neighbor's anything (which I will ignore because this will likely mean nothing to you) there are boundaries we all follow for the greater good of the culture. Marriage, faithful marriages still matter. I have been floored, absolutely floored, by the enormous ramifications and ripple effects of one affair. (Our close friend a few years back). There is such denial about people finding out, but they do. A lot of people find out. People you never suspected would know, will know and learn shit about your private affair. Your ap's family, parents, sisters, nieces, nephews, friends, children now and children in years to come, therapists, acquaintances, the list goes on. It was mortifying for it to go public for our friend and it affected the entire group of friends for years, because the family moved away. She can never undo it. There was almost overwhelming shame. It is a big, ugly deal. I would not be so quick to compartmentalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is still not her fault. I mean HER infidelity is her fault, but every husband’s infidelity is on him

She is 100% responsible for having an affair with a married person and the impact her actions had on other people (her own husband, the other family)

He is 100% responsible for having an affair and the impacts that has on other people.

It's not a pie. It's not like you cut it up to assign portions of guilt. They are each 100% responsible for their OWN actions and consequences.

Disagree.

HE made the vow to that women. Probably in a church in front of their families.

SHE had never met them and may never meet them.

I don't relate to the other woman because she is attracted to an immoral, lying guy. But I feel like HER betrayal is to her family not his.

Ha. The other women that “don’t relate to her” and think they owe her nothing are attracted to the SAME immoral guy...and they are immoral as well.