What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

+1

[Anonymous]

“Kindness is the heartbeat in our school” said a principal of a public ES where there’s corruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-when he says he doesn't believe in astrology but you already knew he would say that because his Mercury is in Capricorn


-*is out with gemini friend* table for 3 please


-Jesus not a Capricorn foh lmao name a Capricorn who would die for you ?

I'll wait


-How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?

Simple.

Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"


-horoscope: taurus breathes air to survive
me, a taurus: wtfff that is so me im so freaked out right now you guys horoscopes are my religion


-

Umm... what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

+1

-1. It’s funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell you a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline is too long.

I'm snorting with laughter while looking around guiltily. Thanks for this one.

I don’t understand the joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell you a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline is too long.

I'm snorting with laughter while looking around guiltily. Thanks for this one.

I don’t understand the joke.

It took me a minute too. The line of people waiting to drink the KoolAid...the PUNCH LINE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

+1

-1. It’s funny.

Totally funny. But then again I work in a mental hospital - I find lots of off color stuff funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell you a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline is too long.

I'm snorting with laughter while looking around guiltily. Thanks for this one.

I don’t understand the joke.

The response to this joke is almost as funny as the joke hahaha!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to sound mean, but these are terrible “jokes”.

So put up or shut up. What joke so you find funnier than all of the ones here?

Or do you not have one?-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dog called up a newspaper and said he wanted to put up on ad. He said “I want it to say woof woof woof woof.”
Newspaper guy says “up to five words is the same price so you can add another woof in there for free.
Dog says “but then it wouldn’t make any sense!”

Hmmm typing that out it doesn’t seem that funny anymore.

Very clever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

[Anonymous]

I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

[Anonymous]

Two potatoes are on a street corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute?

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It has a sign saying Idaho.

My high school students loved that one. It's not a dirty joke... it's about potatoes!

[Anonymous]

Two guys are peeing off a bridge. One brags "water's cold." The other answers "Yeah, deep too. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference between mash potatoes an pea soup?

Everyone can mash potatoes.

I love this!