What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

(Pp again. I'm taking about the one he tells Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars. Google it and watch the video clip. It plays better out loud than on paper, imo)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-when he says he doesn't believe in astrology but you already knew he would say that because his Mercury is in Capricorn


-*is out with gemini friend* table for 3 please


-Jesus not a Capricorn foh lmao name a Capricorn who would die for you ?

I'll wait


-How does the government remember the difference between Astronomy and Astrology?

Simple.

Just like with "Eco-", you don't consider it a science if it ends with "-logy"


-horoscope: taurus breathes air to survive
me, a taurus: wtfff that is so me im so freaked out right now you guys horoscopes are my religion


-

Umm... what?

[Anonymous]

Guy has a raging toothache. Dentist looks at it, says it has to come out.

Dentist gets his needle out for a shot, the patient freaks out and says no to the shot.

Dentist gets the laughing gas out, patient freaks out and says no to the gas.

Dentist goes into the other room, comes back with a Viagra pill.

Patient says, How is THIS going to help my pain?

Dentist ----------It will give you something to hold onto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

+1

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

So what's the joke exactly? I really have an issue with "dark humor." If the events aren't funny, where's the humor? Who do you tell these jokes to? What's the actual Holocaust joke we're dancing around?What's so funny about it? I'm just dying to hear what's so frickin' funny about the mass event of human destruction and murder. What's the actual punchline I'm missing? Since I'm apparently so devoid of humor and all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

So what's the joke exactly? I really have an issue with "dark humor." If the events aren't funny, where's the humor? Who do you tell these jokes to? What's the actual Holocaust joke we're dancing around?What's so funny about it? I'm just dying to hear what's so frickin' funny about the mass event of human destruction and murder. What's the actual punchline I'm missing? Since I'm apparently so devoid of humor and all?

You aren't devoid of humor, you just don't have that dry, dark, witty sense of humor and that is okay. See the Jonestown joke above. Some people find the wit funny. No one thinks what happened at Jonestown is funny - people were murdered and it was awful. But the joke is still witty in a dark way and some people can see humor in that. Others can't. There are lots of jokes that other people think are funny that I don't think are funny at all. So be it. We all have different sense of humor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

So what's the joke exactly? I really have an issue with "dark humor." If the events aren't funny, where's the humor? Who do you tell these jokes to? What's the actual Holocaust joke we're dancing around?What's so funny about it? I'm just dying to hear what's so frickin' funny about the mass event of human destruction and murder. What's the actual punchline I'm missing? Since I'm apparently so devoid of humor and all?

You aren't devoid of humor, you just don't have that dry, dark, witty sense of humor and that is okay. See the Jonestown joke above. Some people find the wit funny. No one thinks what happened at Jonestown is funny - people were murdered and it was awful. But the joke is still witty in a dark way and some people can see humor in that. Others can't. There are lots of jokes that other people think are funny that I don't think are funny at all. So be it. We all have different sense of humor.

So you would tell that joke to a descendant of the Jonestown massacre, and that would be OK? They would be "witty" enough for you? The "wit" of mass murder would resonate with them? You would literally tell that joke to someone who knew someone at Jonestown? I find that very hard to believe.

And if you wouldn't, why not? There's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

So what's the joke exactly? I really have an issue with "dark humor." If the events aren't funny, where's the humor? Who do you tell these jokes to? What's the actual Holocaust joke we're dancing around?What's so funny about it? I'm just dying to hear what's so frickin' funny about the mass event of human destruction and murder. What's the actual punchline I'm missing? Since I'm apparently so devoid of humor and all?

You aren't devoid of humor, you just don't have that dry, dark, witty sense of humor and that is okay. See the Jonestown joke above. Some people find the wit funny. No one thinks what happened at Jonestown is funny - people were murdered and it was awful. But the joke is still witty in a dark way and some people can see humor in that. Others can't. There are lots of jokes that other people think are funny that I don't think are funny at all. So be it. We all have different sense of humor.

So you would tell that joke to a descendant of the Jonestown massacre, and that would be OK? They would be "witty" enough for you? The "wit" of mass murder would resonate with them? You would literally tell that joke to someone who knew someone at Jonestown? I find that very hard to believe.

And if you wouldn't, why not? There's your answer.

No one is saying to tell the Holocaust joke to the face of a Holocaust survivor and every one is saying you need to know your audience. Hence why the poster didn't think it was right even for here as it would offend some people. You don't get dark humor. That is okay. Other people hate insult comics / roasts - it just comes across as mean - but they have their own audience.

[Anonymous]

On the day God was handing out chins, I thought he said “gins,” and I said “Make mine a double!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?

So because of that no one can tell the jokes? Even if some find them funny?

There are different kinds of humor. Jokes about the Holocaust or some other very serious event aren't haha funny jokes, they are usually examples of very dry, dark wit. You have to be a dry wit person with a twisted sense of humor to get them. They definitely are not for everyone. People who work in prisons or psych wards also often have similar very dark, dry wit jokes that you only tell to other people who will get it.

So who "gets" Holocaust jokes? Just curious.

The Ricky Gervais of the world. Other people with dark, witty, dry senses of humor. It is the same with jokes about 9/11 or anything that is horrific. It isn't the event that is funny, it is the wittiness of the joke and the ability of the joke teller to make it comedic.

With so much build up, this joke better be amazing ... if there even is a joke.

To the PPs. In my family, we have an uncle. His whole immediate family was rounded up and they were taken to Auschwitz. They were separated. He never saw the rest of his family again. His brother? He was shot in front of him. He survived. He's so traumatized that, all these years later and writing a book about it, he will never get over it. He was the last man/kid standing in his family.

Wanna tell this joke to my uncle? Do you think he would find it funny? If you can't tell it to his face, don't tell this "joke." And F you for thinking it would be OK to tell it behind his back.

What is honestly the matter with you people? THERE IS NOTHING G-DAMN FUNNY ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. FULL F-ING STOP. I have a sense of humor, but I'm a human being who finds all of you defending this absolutely abhorrent.

Dark humor is about dark events. No one thinks the events are funny, Dark humor is about the Holocaust, 9/11, dead babies, pedophilia, school shootings, slavery, etc. Dark humor isn't haha the holocaust was so funny. And dark humor isn't right for every audience. Sometimes people who have experienced something very difficult and painful can still find dark humor funny, other people don't. Dark humor is not the joke you tell without knowing your audience.

So what's the joke exactly? I really have an issue with "dark humor." If the events aren't funny, where's the humor? Who do you tell these jokes to? What's the actual Holocaust joke we're dancing around?What's so funny about it? I'm just dying to hear what's so frickin' funny about the mass event of human destruction and murder. What's the actual punchline I'm missing? Since I'm apparently so devoid of humor and all?

You aren't devoid of humor, you just don't have that dry, dark, witty sense of humor and that is okay. See the Jonestown joke above. Some people find the wit funny. No one thinks what happened at Jonestown is funny - people were murdered and it was awful. But the joke is still witty in a dark way and some people can see humor in that. Others can't. There are lots of jokes that other people think are funny that I don't think are funny at all. So be it. We all have different sense of humor.

So you would tell that joke to a descendant of the Jonestown massacre, and that would be OK? They would be "witty" enough for you? The "wit" of mass murder would resonate with them? You would literally tell that joke to someone who knew someone at Jonestown? I find that very hard to believe.

And if you wouldn't, why not? There's your answer.

No one is saying to tell the Holocaust joke to the face of a Holocaust survivor and every one is saying you need to know your audience. Hence why the poster didn't think it was right even for here as it would offend some people. You don't get dark humor. That is okay. Other people hate insult comics / roasts - it just comes across as mean - but they have their own audience.

Translation:
Do not, I repeat do not, ever show your racist/xenophobic/a-hole tendencies to the general public. This needs to be hidden at all cost. ONLY tell these "jokes" to people you know to also be racist, xenophobic and general a-holes, so they'll laugh at your "jokes." This way you will feel good about yourself and be able to move on with your day, thinking you made a funny.

[Anonymous]

Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

What’s the difference between a dig and a well dressed man?

The man wears a suit and tie. The dog just pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between a dig and a well dressed man?

The man wears a suit and tie. The dog just pants.

Should be “dog” and well dressed man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell you a joke about Jonestown, but the punchline is too long.

I'd tell you a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.