What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. "For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. "Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. "It's very simple and easy to understand. "Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. "For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. "Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. "It's very simple and easy to understand. "Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

Love it! We heard this when we were growing up, where the children were named based on the first thing the Chief saw after the child was born...except the punchline name was "two dogs f**king". To this day, 35 years later, my father still calls my big brother "Two Dogs" for short.

[Anonymous]

A Man was in a big supermarket buying 2 large bags of dog biscuits for his 2 dogs.

He was standing in the queue at the till when the woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
Thinking it was a very stupid question he replied on impulse.

“No, I’m starting The Dog Food Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but by then I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.”

Shocked, the woman said “50 pounds?”

“Yes”, he replied, “it was essentially the perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with dog biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I am going to try it again.”

At this point everyone in the queue was enthralled with the story. However the woman was horrified and asked if he’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because he had been poisoned.

“No”, he said “It was because I was sitting in the road licking my balls when a car hit me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A holocaust joke - I am careful who I repeat it to.

There is No. Such. Thing.
WTAF is the matter with you.

See? Now, you, YOU, are a perfect example of someone I would never tell it to. But I am jewish, and it was told to me by a jewish person, and I and another jewish friend thought it was hysterically funny. Obviously you wouldn't. That's fine. Everyone has different taste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
...an elevator!

My version of this joke is: What is the name of Darth Vader's sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A holocaust joke - I am careful who I repeat it to.

There is No. Such. Thing.
WTAF is the matter with you.

See? Now, you, YOU, are a perfect example of someone I would never tell it to. But I am jewish, and it was told to me by a jewish person, and I and another jewish friend thought it was hysterically funny. Obviously you wouldn't. That's fine. Everyone has different taste.

I am also Jewish and I have a joke that includes Jesus that Jewish people find very funny, but Christians not at all. It does not make fun of Jesus, though, but of a Jewish son who is very stupid.

[Anonymous]

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A Man was in a big supermarket buying 2 large bags of dog biscuits for his 2 dogs.

He was standing in the queue at the till when the woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
Thinking it was a very stupid question he replied on impulse.

“No, I’m starting The Dog Food Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but by then I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.”

Shocked, the woman said “50 pounds?”

“Yes”, he replied, “it was essentially the perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with dog biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I am going to try it again.”

At this point everyone in the queue was enthralled with the story. However the woman was horrified and asked if he’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because he had been poisoned.

“No”, he said “It was because I was sitting in the road licking my balls when a car hit me.”

haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A holocaust joke - I am careful who I repeat it to.

There is No. Such. Thing.
WTAF is the matter with you.

See? Now, you, YOU, are a perfect example of someone I would never tell it to. But I am jewish, and it was told to me by a jewish person, and I and another jewish friend thought it was hysterically funny. Obviously you wouldn't. That's fine. Everyone has different taste.

I am also Jewish and I have a joke that includes Jesus that Jewish people find very funny, but Christians not at all. It does not make fun of Jesus, though, but of a Jewish son who is very stupid.

I am Jewish and have zero desire to hear this “joke.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A holocaust joke - I am careful who I repeat it to.

There is No. Such. Thing.
WTAF is the matter with you.

See? Now, you, YOU, are a perfect example of someone I would never tell it to. But I am jewish, and it was told to me by a jewish person, and I and another jewish friend thought it was hysterically funny. Obviously you wouldn't. That's fine. Everyone has different taste.

Is it related to a pizza? I heard it from a Jewish friend.

[Anonymous]

My 13 yo texted me this one the other day.

What did one milk say to the other milk?
What’s up dood.

[Anonymous]

A holocaust joke - I am careful who I repeat it to.

I think I know this one:

What is a holocaust joke?
An oxymoron.

[Anonymous]

When is a door not a door?

When it is a jar.

[Anonymous]

Did I ever tell you about my grandfather? He’s got the heart of a lion. He can also never go back to the zoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. "For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. "Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. "It's very simple and easy to understand. "Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?"

I heard this one as “2 dogs ducking “