What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old granddaughter told me this one and while not the best it was the cutest. “Grandma, why does everyone hate the number seven? Because seven eight nine.”

[Anonymous]

One Saturday morning 4 golfers were walking down the 18th fairway which ran parallel to a good size road. A funeral procession drove by and one of the men stood still, took off his hat and bowed his head. One of the other men said, “Jim, that was a very respectful thing to do” and Jim said “it’s the least I could do, we were married for 42 years.”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe not best, but certainly my favorite:

There were two peanuts walking down the street, and one of them was assaulted.

My favorite too! But you didn’t relay it correctly. Assaulted...peanut.

Monty Python.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One Saturday morning 4 golfers were walking down the 18th fairway which ran parallel to a good size road. A funeral procession drove by and one of the men stood still, took off his hat and bowed his head. One of the other men said, “Jim, that was a very respectful thing to do” and Jim said “it’s the least I could do, we were married for 42 years.”.

Haven't heard this one before but was the one joke in this thread that got me to laugh out loud!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One Saturday morning 4 golfers were walking down the 18th fairway which ran parallel to a good size road. A funeral procession drove by and one of the men stood still, took off his hat and bowed his head. One of the other men said, “Jim, that was a very respectful thing to do” and Jim said “it’s the least I could do, we were married for 42 years.”.

Laughed out loud. Since the PP won’t post the Holocaust joke I will post a Jesus joke


Why did Jesus die on the cross?



He didn’t have a safeword

[Anonymous]

This one is my favorite because I grew up in East Tennessee:

Two boys were walking home frome baseball practice in Huntsville, Alabama, when a rabid dog rushed up and began to attack one of them. His friend hit the dog with his bat, killing it and savinv the boy.

A reporter ran over and said, "Boys, I saw the whole thing, and I'm going to write it up for the paper. I can see the headline now: 'Brave young Alabama fan saves his best friend.'"

The boy said, "That's very nice, sir, but I'm not an Alabama fan."

"No problem! 'Brave young Auburn fan saves his best friend.' That still has a nice ring to it."

"No sir, I'm not an Auburn fan either."

"Well, child, what team do you root for?" asked the reporter.

"I'm a Tennessee fan," the boy answered.

The next day, the article came out with the headline "Hillbilly bastard kills beloved family pet."

My dad, who hot his masters degree at Tennessee, especially likes this one.

[Anonymous]

You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

[Anonymous]

How did the butcher introduce his wife?

"Meet Patty."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One Saturday morning 4 golfers were walking down the 18th fairway which ran parallel to a good size road. A funeral procession drove by and one of the men stood still, took off his hat and bowed his head. One of the other men said, “Jim, that was a very respectful thing to do” and Jim said “it’s the least I could do, we were married for 42 years.”.

Haven't heard this one before but was the one joke in this thread that got me to laugh out loud!

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

[Anonymous]

This was found to be the funniest joke by a psych professor in England.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe not best, but certainly my favorite:

There were two peanuts walking down the street, and one of them was assaulted.

My favorite too! But you didn’t relay it correctly. Assaulted...peanut.

Monty Python.

I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

What's the difference between mash potatoes an pea soup?

Everyone can mash potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all don't see the difference in ragging on religions and making fun of religions in general, and the f-ing Holocaust?? There's a difference. "Jew jokes" and "Jesus jokes" can still be funny, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the Holocaust. There just isn't. OK, yes, I'm a Debbie downer, but this is insane that it has to be said at all.

You cannot control others’ sense of humor. If they think it’s funny, scolding them is not going to stop them from finding it amusing.

My mom always says “you either laugh or you cry”. I choose to laugh.
Signed,
Someone with relatives who survived the Holocaust.

Uh, you get that some people have relatives who DIDN’T survive, who may feel differently?