Dilemma: Support Son National Sports Championship or Ex’s Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is what, maybe 13? If he’s that good, there will be future national championship opportunities.

Not necessarily. If its something like little league world series, once you are over 12, you can't participate.

There are national championships for higher age brackets.

[Anonymous]

OP, tread carefully. It is clear from your posts that you are bitter and don't like your Ex or his soon to be wife. Don't underestimate how this impacts your son's relationship with his father.

I was an elite athlete in a sport that has important national level competitions for children your son's age. My first thought is that for boys, national level competition at this age is not ultimately that important, because you really don't know how they are going to develop physically. It stinks that your ex isn't invested in your son's sport, but if your kid is good, there will be next year. When you are in the thick of it, it is hard to see this. I'd make him do the wedding. It isn't worth the estrangement from his father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to clarify something — the event has only been scheduled, correct? This boy’s team hasn’t qualified to participate yet? Has the season even begun?

So many things could happen: The team may not qualify, or get knocked out in early playoff rounds. Or kid might get injured. Or not make the team for whatever reason (including having an obnoxious mother).

But the wedding date is set, right?

So you are pitching a fit over a hypothetical scenario where your kids’ team wins a national championship and gets recruited to a division 1 feeder high school?

Why would high school coaches from your town be scouting a national championship? Is the event held here? If it is, can’t he do both? You couldn’t possibly know game times yet.

None of this makes much sense and adds up to Mom trying to keep son from Dad.

1. What you’re seeking to clarify has already been clarified in previous posts.
2. DS already qualified for nationals.
3. Every sport is different. And yes, private schools and some clubs do offer admission/scholarships based of performances at nationally recognized competitions.
4. Read the previous posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

That doesn’t make any sense.

It must be exhausting to go through life so suspicious of other people’s motives.

It makes perfect sense.

It really doesn’t. But please explain why you think so. I want to hear just how crazy you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is what, maybe 13? If he’s that good, there will be future national championship opportunities.

Not necessarily. If its something like little league world series, once you are over 12, you can't participate.

There are national championships for higher age brackets.

Read the thread folks, OP is not talking about little league. This is some sort of individual sport like swimming, track, gymnastics, etc.

[Anonymous]

Simple - if he qualifies he goes with the team. If he doesn't he goes to the wedding. Tell your ex that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tread carefully. It is clear from your posts that you are bitter and don't like your Ex or his soon to be wife. Don't underestimate how this impacts your son's relationship with his father.

I was an elite athlete in a sport that has important national level competitions for children your son's age. My first thought is that for boys, national level competition at this age is not ultimately that important, because you really don't know how they are going to develop physically. It stinks that your ex isn't invested in your son's sport, but if your kid is good, there will be next year. When you are in the thick of it, it is hard to see this. I'd make him do the wedding. It isn't worth the estrangement from his father.

None of this is true. You made all this up in your head.

Don’t project your failed athletic pursuits onto this poor child.

[Anonymous]

There are very valid arguments on either side here, but the issue is that it's your husband's weekend. I don't really see how you can take away your husband's weekend to have his son on the same weekend that he is getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to clarify something — the event has only been scheduled, correct? This boy’s team hasn’t qualified to participate yet? Has the season even begun?

So many things could happen: The team may not qualify, or get knocked out in early playoff rounds. Or kid might get injured. Or not make the team for whatever reason (including having an obnoxious mother).

But the wedding date is set, right?

So you are pitching a fit over a hypothetical scenario where your kids’ team wins a national championship and gets recruited to a division 1 feeder high school?

Why would high school coaches from your town be scouting a national championship? Is the event held here? If it is, can’t he do both? You couldn’t possibly know game times yet.

None of this makes much sense and adds up to Mom trying to keep son from Dad.

1. What you’re seeking to clarify has already been clarified in previous posts.
2. DS already qualified for nationals.
3. Every sport is different. And yes, private schools and some clubs do offer admission/scholarships based of performances at nationally recognized competitions.
4. Read the previous posts.

1) No it isn’t. Has the team’s season even begun? What sport is this exactly?
2) I realize he has qualified due to his age. Beyond that, there couldn’t be any individual qualifications.
3) That wasn’t the question. The question is why would high schools from your town (DC?) be recruiting at an out-of-Town national championship? Or is the championship in your town/DC? If that is the case why can’t he go to both?
4) I read the previous posts and have concluded you didn’t really have a “dilemma” — you had already decided to support your kid doing this at the expense of his relationship with his father and were looking for validation. You know full well attending the wedding is the right thing to do. His entire future doesn’t hinge on hulk tho participation in a hypothetical national championship appearance.

[Anonymous]

My family is super athletic and we have many elite athletes in our family.

Rule #1 ... don’t discuss athletic goals and plans with non-athletes.

They will never understand. It’s a world they can’t conceptualuze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tread carefully. It is clear from your posts that you are bitter and don't like your Ex or his soon to be wife. Don't underestimate how this impacts your son's relationship with his father.

I was an elite athlete in a sport that has important national level competitions for children your son's age. My first thought is that for boys, national level competition at this age is not ultimately that important, because you really don't know how they are going to develop physically. It stinks that your ex isn't invested in your son's sport, but if your kid is good, there will be next year. When you are in the thick of it, it is hard to see this. I'd make him do the wedding. It isn't worth the estrangement from his father.

OP here, let’s be clear.

1. DS’s father has been a no show repeatedly for over two years. Even to events where Ex’s own family showed up.
2. I don’t know his fiancé to like or dislike her. Neither does my son.
3. DS’s father completely checked out during DS’s middle school years.
4. Not certain if your personal athletic experience applies here. My kid has an immediate opportunity to get the next four years of high school tuition paid for in full at one of several amazingly competitive schools. And he has the grades to match. It’s kind of a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

No, it’s not. If your kid is such a phenom he will be recruited regardless of whether he plays in this event.

This is completely untrue. I know many D1 athletes and have many in my family.

Non athletic families will never understand its athletes.

+1 To some recruiters if you weren't at X event, you are not on their radar. My DS talked to high school coaches and the #1 question was about "were you in ___", details after that. If you weren't in ___, you didn't get more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to clarify something — the event has only been scheduled, correct? This boy’s team hasn’t qualified to participate yet? Has the season even begun?

So many things could happen: The team may not qualify, or get knocked out in early playoff rounds. Or kid might get injured. Or not make the team for whatever reason (including having an obnoxious mother).

But the wedding date is set, right?

So you are pitching a fit over a hypothetical scenario where your kids’ team wins a national championship and gets recruited to a division 1 feeder high school?

Why would high school coaches from your town be scouting a national championship? Is the event held here? If it is, can’t he do both? You couldn’t possibly know game times yet.

None of this makes much sense and adds up to Mom trying to keep son from Dad.

1. What you’re seeking to clarify has already been clarified in previous posts.
2. DS already qualified for nationals.
3. Every sport is different. And yes, private schools and some clubs do offer admission/scholarships based of performances at nationally recognized competitions.
4. Read the previous posts.

1) No it isn’t. Has the team’s season even begun? What sport is this exactly?
2) I realize he has qualified due to his age. Beyond that, there couldn’t be any individual qualifications.
3) That wasn’t the question. The question is why would high schools from your town (DC?) be recruiting at an out-of-Town national championship? Or is the championship in your town/DC? If that is the case why can’t he go to both?
4) I read the previous posts and have concluded you didn’t really have a “dilemma” — you had already decided to support your kid doing this at the expense of his relationship with his father and were looking for validation. You know full well attending the wedding is the right thing to do. His entire future doesn’t hinge on hulk tho participation in a hypothetical national championship appearance.

I get it... you don’t understand this world, it’s foreign to you. Even when explained it does not fit into your non elite experience.

1) yes many sports qualify months before the event.
3) yes dc schools recruit all over the nation or maybe they are looking at aboarding school.
4) I never once thought going to a 2nd wedding that was selfishly planned on an important conflicting date was important. Who does that? So weird. You don’t know how important it is. This could put him on s path for greater things.