Dilemma: Support Son National Sports Championship or Ex’s Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are very valid arguments on either side here, but the issue is that it's your husband's weekend. I don't really see how you can take away your husband's weekend to have his son on the same weekend that he is getting married.

I don't see it that way at all. It is the dad's weekend, so the dad should to take his son to his national championship event if the son qualifies. Mom sees this might not happen and should stand up for her son to help convince dad to to the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

No, it’s not. If your kid is such a phenom he will be recruited regardless of whether he plays in this event.

This is completely untrue. I know many D1 athletes and have many in my family.

Non athletic families will never understand its athletes.

+1 To some recruiters if you weren't at X event, you are not on their radar. My DS talked to high school coaches and the #1 question was about "were you in ___", details after that. If you weren't in ___, you didn't get more time.

This is very true.

Also I College apps having national events is a hook.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you for all of the responses. I’m pretty clear on the position I’m taking at this point. I think keeping it about my kid is the best thing to do. Ex truly hasn’t invested the the time or reputation with our DS to demand that our son give up his hard earned opportunity.

Thanks for the insights DCUM, signing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes. It’s gross and it sucks but I did not make the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tread carefully. It is clear from your posts that you are bitter and don't like your Ex or his soon to be wife. Don't underestimate how this impacts your son's relationship with his father.

I was an elite athlete in a sport that has important national level competitions for children your son's age. My first thought is that for boys, national level competition at this age is not ultimately that important, because you really don't know how they are going to develop physically. It stinks that your ex isn't invested in your son's sport, but if your kid is good, there will be next year. When you are in the thick of it, it is hard to see this. I'd make him do the wedding. It isn't worth the estrangement from his father.

OP here, let’s be clear.

1. DS’s father has been a no show repeatedly for over two years. Even to events where Ex’s own family showed up.
2. I don’t know his fiancé to like or dislike her. Neither does my son.
3. DS’s father completely checked out during DS’s middle school years.
4. Not certain if your personal athletic experience applies here. My kid has an immediate opportunity to get the next four years of high school tuition paid for in full at one of several amazingly competitive schools. And he has the grades to match. It’s kind of a big deal.

1. It doesn’t matter. He wants his son at his wedding. And from the sound of it might go to court to force it. You need to have his back.
2. I don’t believe you. Your contempt for her drips from your first post.
3. It doesn’t matter. He wants his son at his wedding. Have his back.
4. Such bullshit. Scholarships aren’t handed out at national championships. They are based on relationships developed over time. You are deluded if you think this tournament is make or break.

[Anonymous]

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes it happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

No, it’s not. If your kid is such a phenom he will be recruited regardless of whether he plays in this event.

This is completely untrue. I know many D1 athletes and have many in my family.

Non athletic families will never understand its athletes.

It is kind of a big deal no matter if there are other national championships. Middle school years aren't that early for athletes as some are recruited early in their H.S. years.

In addition, dad has missed 20+ dates and now wants son to be all in for his wedding? Ex wife definitely doesn't sound like a bitch. You sound irrational and self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes it happens

No it doesn’t. Op is talking about high school coaches.

NCAA rules prohibit recruitment so young.

For a while some that age were signing letters of intent in some sports but there were no scholarships and they weren’t really worth the paper they were printed on. But the NCAA put a stop to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for all of the responses. I’m pretty clear on the position I’m taking at this point. I think keeping it about my kid is the best thing to do. Ex truly hasn’t invested the the time or reputation with our DS to demand that our son give up his hard earned opportunity.

Thanks for the insights DCUM, signing off.

I don’t say this often but you are a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes. It’s gross and it sucks but I did not make the rules.

In what sports does this happen? Doesn’t that violate NCAA rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to clarify something — the event has only been scheduled, correct? This boy’s team hasn’t qualified to participate yet? Has the season even begun?

So many things could happen: The team may not qualify, or get knocked out in early playoff rounds. Or kid might get injured. Or not make the team for whatever reason (including having an obnoxious mother).

But the wedding date is set, right?

So you are pitching a fit over a hypothetical scenario where your kids’ team wins a national championship and gets recruited to a division 1 feeder high school?

Why would high school coaches from your town be scouting a national championship? Is the event held here? If it is, can’t he do both? You couldn’t possibly know game times yet.

None of this makes much sense and adds up to Mom trying to keep son from Dad.

1. What you’re seeking to clarify has already been clarified in previous posts.
2. DS already qualified for nationals.
3. Every sport is different. And yes, private schools and some clubs do offer admission/scholarships based of performances at nationally recognized competitions.
4. Read the previous posts.

1) No it isn’t. Has the team’s season even begun? What sport is this exactly?
2) I realize he has qualified due to his age. Beyond that, there couldn’t be any individual qualifications.
3) That wasn’t the question. The question is why would high schools from your town (DC?) be recruiting at an out-of-Town national championship? Or is the championship in your town/DC? If that is the case why can’t he go to both?
4) I read the previous posts and have concluded you didn’t really have a “dilemma” — you had already decided to support your kid doing this at the expense of his relationship with his father and were looking for validation. You know full well attending the wedding is the right thing to do. His entire future doesn’t hinge on hulk tho participation in a hypothetical national championship appearance.

I get it... you don’t understand this world, it’s foreign to you. Even when explained it does not fit into your non elite experience.

1) yes many sports qualify months before the event.
3) yes dc schools recruit all over the nation or maybe they are looking at aboarding school.
4) I never once thought going to a 2nd wedding that was selfishly planned on an important conflicting date was important. Who does that? So weird. You don’t know how important it is. This could put him on s path for greater things.

Honey. I told you already that I am a coach of an elite softball team that sends players to D1 programs that you can watch play on SEC Network in February. I know how this works.

Your priorities are whack. You are talking about a tween. 99.5% likelihood he isn’t getting a scholarship to anything. That’s they way this works.

The order is: Family, school, God, your sport. In that order.

You are wrong. If he were my player I would tell him to go to the wedding. You are clearly trying to justify keeping away from his father. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes. It’s gross and it sucks but I did not make the rules.

In what sports does this happen? Doesn’t that violate NCAA rules?

OP is talking about scholarships to high school programs not college.

[Anonymous]

Too bad OP won't tell us what sport/activity her son does. It may not be an NCAA sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big over the top second wedding is so unbelievably tacky.

An invitation is just that-not a summons.

Is it a situation where his team is counting on him? Because that is an important life lesson as well...

Yes the team is counting on him. Well known recruiters (some of which have already contacted his coach) will be there and have expressed interest in offering scholarships to their HSvprograms/schools. While we are not super wealthy, we won’t qualify for need based financial aid for these elite schools/programs.

It’s kind of a big deal.

Wow, hopefully he doesn’t get sick or sprain an ankle right before the tournament, his life would be irreparably destroyed.

I know you think you are so smart.

But I know a few kids who got injuries at 13 and lost college scholarships.

One was on track for the pros.

One broke his neck at the beach and the college kept his scholarship and he announced games.

College scholarships are being handed out to 13 yos who won’t even be there for 4-5 years?

Yes. It’s gross and it sucks but I did not make the rules.

In what sports does this happen? Doesn’t that violate NCAA rules?

OP is talking about scholarships to high school programs not college.

I was responding to comment a specifically about 13yos losing college scholarships due to injures. Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

"The order is: Family, school, God, your sport. In that order. "

That should be the order for Dad and soon to be step mom too. Unfortunately, they don't seem to consider the child, otherwise they would not have scheduled an event to place him in a position where all of these things come into conflict. They could have picked a different weekend; the kid can't. This is on them. No child should be forced to make a choice like this when it is entirely avoidable.